FK - Chapter Five: Becoming More

I know, this chapter has been a LONG time coming. Now, you all know this is a love triangle fic, and right now, Jas and B are together, and this chapter does have some Jas/B lovin'. If you can't handle that, don't read any further. Now, some good news for our E lovers.... Guess who's coming back next chapter? ;)   

Thank you as always to my amazing beta/editor, Iris. ILY, bb!

Okay, on with the show!

Chapter 5: Becoming More

“Forever”

In the brightest hour of my darkest day

I realized what is wrong with me

Can't get over you. Can't get through to you

It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start

Take these memories that are haunting me

The trip back to my apartment was probably the longest trip I’d ever made. My tires made a sloshing sound against the wet concrete as they coasted down the street toward home, and, in comparison, I felt pretty run over like the road.

It had been hard to pretend that I wasn’t disappointed with how abruptly the night ended, but a situation occurred, needing Jasper’s attention, so here I was on my way back home.  I, of course, took it as a sign.

It was almost as if something cosmic was defying any minute chance of me having any kind of a relationship. There was always something standing in the way of having someone in my life that could end up being my other half. I didn’t understand it, either. I led a pretty decent life, and yet, I was still alone. 

One night impacted the last two fucking months of my life. Who allows that to happen? No one but me, obviously.

I passed the blur of lights coming from buildings on either side of me, my mind overcome with the same thoughts that seemed to constantly bombard me while interweaving with new ones.  I’d never been more confused.

I couldn’t get Edward out of my system, even two months later, then Jasper comes into the picture. Now, not only did I constantly think about Edward, even miss him, the man who I only had one night with, but I had an attraction to Jasper, too. I strongly liked him.

 It was insane, this situation I found myself in. It seemed that something always set me back from moving forward. And honestly, given how I felt, it wasn’t entirely fair to Jasper to attempt a relationship.

 It wasn’t that I was non-committal in the relationship sense, because I was very committal, but the question was… Who did I actually want to be committed to? And really, why was I asking myself this question when one of the two men wasn’t an option?

After parking my car and literally banging my forehead against the steering wheel out of frustration, I took a deep breath, telling myself to quit being melodramatic and made my way up to my apartment.

 Unfortunately, walking into my apartment only reinforced the dramatics. It was funny how the climate changed as soon as you stepped into a place that held no life but your own fucking loneliness and disappointment. That kind of coldness blanketed the air and made you shiver in sorrow. You could even taste it in your mouth.  It was definitely not a fun place to be.

And, of course, feeling that way made me angry at myself because I hated dwelling. Feeling as unhappy as I did was almost absurd, because I had a decent life as far as monetary, but the truth was, I was very unhappy, and there were days when it got the best of me, chiseling away at my insides. What was the point to living comfortably when you had no one to share it with? I guess meeting two incredible men, that it seemed fate had not intended for me, made the desolation that was my life more astute.

I padded through the hallway to my room, heading directly to my closet to pull out something dry. I took off my wet clothes and changed into the t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts. I was home now, so it wasn’t as if I needed to be dressed up anymore.

I threw back my comforter and climbed underneath. I knew Jasper had intended to call if it wasn’t too late, but I might as well be comfortable while I waited. I flipped on the television, settling on Some Like It Hot playing on AMC. 

I snuggled up under the covers, watching Marilynn Monroe do her thing.

Time seemed to pass while I watched the movie, but no phone call came. I lay there waiting, hoping to at least hear his voice before I went to bed. Unfortunately, it seemed that wasn’t going to happen. My eyes fell shut as the exhaustion set in. I dozed off.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep when the sound of banging jolted me awake. I shot straight up in my bed, my heart racing from the sound. The banging started again, and I realized it was knocking. I looked at the clock beside my bed, red lights glaring a twelve o’clock across it. Who the fuck could be knocking at my door at twelve o‘clock?

I grabbed the knee length robe draped over my bedpost, slipped it on, and moved to the door. My only thought was that whoever was at my door had better have a damn good excuse at this late an hour. I opened the door, prepared to bitch someone out, but my mouth dropped open instead. 

“I’m sorry, Bella. I should have waited, or at least called you, but I couldn‘t wait. From the moment you walked out of my door, you were constantly on my mind. Calling just didn’t seem good enough. I had to see you.” Before I had time to process what he’d just said, Jasper was through my door, his arms were on the inside of my robe, already around me, and his body pressed against mine while his lips hungrily moved over my own.

My arms wrapped around his neck, my hands running through his hair and fisting handfuls through my fingers. My body sparked with desire from his touch. 

I pulled my lips from his, gasping for air and trying to manage the ability to speak. I wanted him in the worst way, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated simply because our date didn’t go according to plan. “Jasper, I…” 

He quickly silenced me with one of his fingers against my lips. “No talking, beautiful.” His hands reached underneath my thighs, lifting me up into his arms. I locked my legs around his waist as he walked us toward my bedroom. He crashed his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

As my mind realized what was about to happen, what my body was going to receive that it hadn’t in such a long time, I moaned into Jasper’s mouth.

We brushed against the wall in the hallway a few times before we finally made it into my bedroom. I knew we were near the bed when I felt the post rub my leg as we passed it. Jasper climbed on the bed with me still wrapped around him, settling us so that my head was resting against the pillows and he was on top of me.

He was nestled between my legs, but lifted up on his elbows to stare down at me. His eyes were smoldering with lust, and the desire that was apparent within them had me nearly writhing in anticipation of what was to come. 

Once clothing began finding its way to the floor, my eyes darted to his arms, watching the way the muscles twitched underneath with the movements he was making.

He drug his fingers lightly across the flesh of my stomach, goosebumps trailed the path his fingers took.

His eyes roamed from my face down to the parts of my body that were visible to him. I was completely exposed other than my boy shorts. I thought his next intention was to remove them, but he lowered himself back down on me, pressing his lips hard to mine. He parted my lips, pushing his tongue back into my mouth. The taste of him was exquisite, though much different from Edward. The flavor wasn’t quite as sweet, but intoxicating all the same.

The kiss intensified, our lips pushing and pulling hard against each other’s. His right hand moved slowly up my body, caressing. His fingers started off delicately, before they, too, reacted as greedy as his mouth. The feeling actually teetered between pleasure and pain, but the mere act had me so turned on, literally every nerve ending in my body ached from desire.

While his fingers expertly worked over my body, he moved his lips from mine, nipping and licking a trail from my jaw line down my collarbone, moving further down still. 

As his tongue tasted every part of me he could without removing his body from mine, my arousal intensified to the point the juices from my center coated the fabric that concealed it. 

He moved his hands to either side of my waist and began grinding his erection into me. I whimpered loudly when I felt how turned on he was.

He thrust against me a few more times before he moved his left hand between my legs, running his fingers over the fabric and making a trail along the length of my sex. “Jesus, Bella, you’re so…” His words tapered off,  breathy. “I want to feel you. God… I just… I really wanna feel you right now.” He pushed against the material, feeling how wet I was for him. I lifted my hips, using my body to plead for more. But not from his fingers. I knew they could satisfy me to climax, but I wanted something more. I wanted another part of him inside me.

“Jasper… please, I need you,” I pleaded.

There was no hesitation to his actions, no delay to hold him back from what we both needed. And there was nothing graceful about our actions, because we were purely driven by lust, and until he was inside of me, no movement to reach that desired effect would be quick enough for either of us.

There was no clothing left between us, no barrier to stop us from joining. I reached into my night stand, pulling out a condom and handed it to him. He quickly placed it on, then was seated back between my legs. I literally shook with need. I couldn’t wait any longer. 

And I didn’t have to. He hitched my left leg higher around his waist… then he was inside me. My body had been so wound with need that the moment he entered me, I nearly orgasmed. I was on the brink, right there, ready to plunge over the edge of intense pleasure. 

Jasper’s eyes squeezed shut, making tiny slits as he groaned out loudly. He could feel me tightening around him.

His breathing magnified and echoed the room. He ceased movement within me until his body was calmed enough to proceed. I knew that my body’s response was the reason for his paced movements. He needed to find control. 

He continued with slow, steady thrusts, and though it felt so damn good, I needed more from him. I bucked my hips underneath him to increase the pace in which he was moving within me. I didn’t want slow and cautious. It was a reminder of the one before him, the one I was trying to forget. So I urged for much harder and much faster. His eyes locked with mine, and a beautiful smile formed on his face. He knew what I wanted and seemed all too willing to give it to me.

His hips began working harder against mine, so that now he was pumping freely in and out of my body. The sound of slick skin slapping against skin and moans echoed through the room. There wasn’t a place from my chest to my lips that his mouth hadn’t tasted, but he continued to thrust into me with abandon.

I felt the start of my orgasm in the pit of my gut, working its way between my thighs. I knew it was coming, and I thought I had a little more time to enjoy how Jasper felt moving inside me, but he circled his hips, pushing deep within me while hitting my pleasure spot with the tip of his cock, and I came hard, crying out through the pleasure that rocked my body. 

Circling his hips a few more times, Jasper then gave one final, hard thrust into me. His movements ceased and a deep groan escaped his throat as he came. I watched his face, the way his eyes practically rolled into the back of his head and his expression teetered between pleasure and pain. Honestly, it was beautiful to see.

Suddenly, his body collapsed above mine, and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his heart beat frantically while his chest heaved with staccato breaths.

We laid there for some time, calm and quiet, before he finally excused himself to the bathroom. When he came back, he moved beside me on the bed, where we remained, naked, side by side, staring into each other’s eyes. He finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “Do you have any idea how truly remarkable you are?”

I smiled. “No, but I’m hoping you’ll enlighten me with the details.”

He laughed, then leaned forward, giving me a chaste but sweet kiss. “You really are beautiful, Bella, but it’s not just outward, though you are indeed a sight to look at. You have an inner beauty that is rare these days. Not to mention, you have this awesome sense of humor, and you’re unbelievably grounded. It’s like you don’t realize how gorgeous you really are, or maybe it just doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s a bit of both. But honestly, I find you quite amazing.”

“I could say the same about you, Jasper.” I ran my fingers through his damp hair as I spoke. “You’re good to the core, and what you just said made me feel good to the core.” 

He smirked. “Oh, darlin’, I could spend days on end making you feel good to your core.”

My mouth dropped open, and, of course, I had a hard time pronouncing any word due to the fact that my own  seemed to stall at the back of my throat. “Shit, Jasper, if you’re aiming for round two, it’s working rather well.”

He pulled me flush against his warm body, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck, as his laughter filled the room. “Baby girl, I’d have no problem with a round two. As a matter of fact, I fully intended on it.”

I realized swiftly, I was in for a long night.

***

Jasper and I had been dating a little over a month now, though we weren’t very public with our relationship. The success of his band picked up, and I’d never been more proud of him. People knew his face when they passed him on the street, which was why I preferred our privacy. He agreed after I explained how I felt. I believed what was ours was ours alone, that what we had was not for anyone to have an opinion about. But our affection for one another was never marred by restraint behind closed doors.

I often stayed at his apartment, that was, of course, when he wasn’t commuting to some other city for his band. There were times I’d tag along, but my work schedule made it hard to go very often. I missed him when he was gone, and we talked often while he was away.

I’d made friends quickly with the other band members… Well, all but Alice. It wasn’t for my lack of trying, though. It was obvious to me she had feelings for Jasper, to which he brushed off when I mentioned it, saying they were only friends and I was reading too much into things. I certainly knew better, which was why I was positive she was thrilled when I was unable to attend their shows.

In the time Jasper and I had been together, my feelings deepened for him, but I wasn’t really positive that I was in love with him. I knew that I cared deeply, he made me happy, but I felt like a part of me was holding back, and I wasn’t sure why. I often wondered if maybe it had to do with something that might be wrong with me emotionally. 

It wasn’t that I doubted myself being able to love him, because, in all honestly, who couldn’t? He was the total package; gorgeous, loving, funny and everything that a girl could want. If I had to give an answer as to where I saw myself with Jasper, I would have to say that I was definitely falling for him, I just hadn’t taken the full plunge yet, hence my question about something being wrong with me. 

So, here I sat at my desk, trying to block out the feeling of exacerbation around my dick of a boss while once again contemplating my relationship with Jasper... as far as taking it to the next level. 

He’d been gone for a few days now, touring in Washington, and we really hadn‘t had a chance to speak much. I missed talking to him.

 I had a key to his apartment, so over the last few days, I stayed there, snuggling with his pillow at night. I didn’t feel so alone without him around that way.

Five o’clock came, and I was actually getting off work at my expected time. The plan was to head to my apartment to take care of a few things, grab some more clothing, then go to his place. Though, most of my wardrobe and necessities migrated to his place, I still had a few things I needed.

When I came home, I noticed most of the tenants standing outside. I didn’t see the building in flames, so I had no clue what was going on.

As I approached my apartment building, I saw the tenant below me, Lauren, and decided to ask her. “Lauren, what’s going on? Why is everyone waiting outside? I don’t see fire trucks or smoke.”

Her arms were crossed at her chest. She looked a mix of angry and broken-hearted. “Hey, Bella. You remember when the super said he had the piping fixed in your apartment?” I nodded. “Well, he lied.”

I felt my chest tighten. “What do you mean he lied?” 

Her tone was angry but not directed toward me. “Apparently, he decided to go cheap on us. He wrapped the piping in duct tape, then covered it up with a connector, figuring that would hold it together. He was wrong. It busted today, flooding your apartment and a portion of the second floor before it made its way to the bottom floor, mainly my apartment since I‘m underneath you. What the hell was he thinking?”

“My fucking apartment is flooded?” I shrieked.

“Yours and mine both,” she said through gritted teeth. “It’s a mess. Of course, to save face, he’s putting us up in a hotel until the damage is fixed, but there are things that were in my apartment that can‘t be replaced. I‘m sure you have some yourself.”

“I don’t need a hotel. I have somewhere to go, but fuck. Those were all my possessions in there. Everything I own is in that apartment,” I growled.

“Believe me, Bella, I understand.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Pictures of my deceased parents were in my photo albums, and now they’re just gone. All I have left are memories now, and I’m afraid… I’m afraid over time I’ll forget their faces. I can’t forget their faces, Bella. I needed those pictures.”

My heart ached for her. I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain she felt inside. But she was right. The older we get, the less clear our mind projects our memories.

I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her to me. “I’m so sorry, Lauren. I know it doesn’t amount for anything, and it surely can’t bring back your pictures, but I’m really sorry.” I held her to me, letting her cry out her anguish. When her body finally ceased it’s shaking from the sobs, I pulled away to look at her. “I have to go, but I don’t want to leave you if you’re not okay.”

She wiped at the remainder of the tears that were slowly making a trail down her cheeks. “No, you go. Get yourself settled in. I’ll be alright. I need to find out what hotel I’m going to be at and see what he intends to do about the property damage in our apartments.”

“Well, I’m going to have a few words with our lovely super before I leave. I do work for a lawyer, so I expect that we’ll be compensated well for our loss, especially since it was his negligence that caused this mess to begin with.” I was in no way joking around and beyond seething with anger. Lauren’s turmoil only fueled it more.

I searched out Mr. Phelps, our super, and discussed exactly what I expected to be done about the damage. I made it a point to stress that I would round up all the damaged items in my home and calculate the cost to replace what could be and the amount of compensation for what could not… with the help of my lawyer boss, of course.

One mention of the word lawyer and exactly who that lawyer was, he became more cooperative. I also made it clear that Lauren and any other tenants who suffered property damage would be expecting the same cooperation with their personal effects. 

When I finally finished issuing my demands, I gave Lauren one last hug, telling her everything would be alright, and headed back to my car.

I drove the distance to Jasper’s place, anger and dread seeping from every pore of my body. There were many things that could be replaced, but I had old family heirlooms and pictures that most likely were ruined forever.

When I finally got to Jasper’s apartment, I immediately took the steps to his room so that I could find some comfortable clothing to change into. I was too wired at the moment, not in a good way, and I needed to unwind. 

After changing into a comfortable pair of pajama pants and tank-shirt, I strode back down the stairs to make me something for dinner. I was actually in the middle of preparing a salad when my cell rang. I answered it after the second ring, but because of the tune that played, I knew it was Jasper. I was definitely happy to hear from him, but my anger hadn’t completely dissipated yet. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey, beautiful, I’ve missed you,” he said.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I answered. It was only after the words came out that I realized they didn’t sound as sincere as they usually did.

He noticed. “Uh-oh. I know that tone. Did I do something wrong?”

He was gone, I missed him, and I felt shitty for allowing my anger to interfere with the time we had, intentional or not. “No, babe, it’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I stressed. “You know how my days are at work.” I could practically hear him nod through the phone. “They’re pretty much always a disaster, but it wasn’t work that really topped the fucking cake for me today. I’ve been staying here at your place while you were gone because I've missed you, so I went to my apartment to get a few things and found out that my ass of a super never fixed the piping in my apartment. He put duct tape around it and a piece of shit connector that slid right off, so my apartment, a portion of the building and the one below it is now flooded.”

I heard him gasp at the other end. “Are you serious?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” I responded. “So, I hope you don’t mind an extra guest until it’s fixed.”

“You know better than that,” he chuckled. “I love when you stay over, even if I’m not there. I’ll be home tomorrow, so you won‘t be there by yourself anymore. I was actually hoping you’d be around, anyway. I’ve got a friend coming back with me. I’d like you to meet him.” His tone was excited.

“Oh, I get to meet one of your groupies, eh?” I teased. Hearing his voice had a calming effect on me. I realized in hearing his voice, I actually missed him more than I let on.

“E is hardly a groupie,” he laughed. “Besides, I think you’ll really like him. I may have to send him out for a few hours when I get home, though. I plan to ravish you as soon as I walk through that door.”

I giggled into the phone as I finished preparing my salad. “Well, I suppose he’ll just have to disappear for awhile then, because I have every intention of allowing you to ravish me.” 

“I didn’t think you’d mind.” The laughter turned to sincerity. “I miss you, Bella. More than you realize. I can’t wait to be home and hold you.”

My heart thumped heavily in my chest. “I can’t wait, either. I miss you, too, babe.”

Silence ensued from his end of the conversation. I knew he was thinking, and I wondered if it had anything to do with what he wanted to say. “I really need to go, but I will see you tomorrow. I… I just miss you.”

“I just miss you, too,” I told him. “And I can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ll see you then, baby.”

“Goodnight, beautiful.” The phone went silent.

I was excited about him coming home tomorrow and wondered what this friend of his was like. If he and Jasper were close, then he must be great. 

I placed my cell on the counter and grabbed a plate, adding my salad before sitting at the barstool to eat. When I finished, I cleaned up the mess and headed upstairs. It was nearly eight o’clock, still kind of early for a Friday night, but I decided to settle into bed, curling up with Jasper’s pillow to watch a movie.

I was half-way through Cops and Robbersons when my eyes felt heavy, repeatedly closing as I fought to keep them open and finish the movie.

Tomorrow would bring Jasper home, along with the mystery guest that he seemed so amped up about me meeting.

CF - Chapter Five: Loss of Control

Chapter 5: Loss of Control

EPOV

Confusion. That's what I felt… lots of confusion. Okay, so I was angry too, which wasn't unusual for me these days, but fuck if it wasn't her damn fault. Isabella fucking Swan. She was breathing the same air as me, way too close in my personal space, and that was a problem.

It became a problem the moment she entered this town, the very fucking second those brown eyes made their way toward my general direction. The first time was in Biology, watching me more deliberately than I liked, so I snapped at her. And the second, yeah, I wasn't exactly in the most amiable of positions when she seen me – I was getting blown in the store closet by Tanya, but I'd had a shitty fucking day and I just needed some goddamn release. Tanya offered like she usually did, and I accepted like I usually did. She wanted my cock in her mouth, so who was I to deny her? I am a guy, after all.

As her eyes scanned over me and Tanya, taking in what we were doing, I actually felt the touch of her gaze, like she was running her hand across the skin of my body. It felt oddly familiar to me, unexpectedly slamming me with a twinge of guilt because she'd caught us, like I'd been caught by my girl or some shit, and that immediately fucked with my head because I didn't have a girl – I didn't want one. I never felt guilty for anything either, but I did right then. There was no fucking reason to feel guilty. I didn't know her, she didn't know me, we weren't shit to each other. And because she'd made me feel guilty for that split second, I became extremely pissed off.

I quickly secured my boxers and jeans around my waist, leaving Tanya in the closet as I stalked toward Brown Eyes, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. I tried to ignore that familiar feeling again that was now gestating in my chest, the sweet smell of her not helping my case at all, and said some shit to her about learning to knock, her wanting to suck my cock and interrupting me coming. I guess I thought my debasing comments and the fact that I was towering over her, but standing so close that I could make out the pulse point of her neck, would intimidate her. I was wrong.

The wide-eyed, fearful look she had morphed to one of anger. I could see the fire blazing behind those brown eyes, making the speckles of green around her irises brighten. I could feel the anger rolling off her trembling body in crashing waves. From the way she glared at me defiantly, stood her ground as she shoved me away from her, I knew she was a feisty one and hell if my dick didn't harden because of it. I think I even sniffed her a little.

Jesus Christ, who was this girl?

I didn't like the way she made my body react. She was just an insignificant girl, nothing special to look at. Okay, that wasn't exactly true, even if she was quite pale, fragile looking and dressed like a nun. But she was still of no importance to me, even if my dick seemed to like her. I got away from her as quickly as I could, heading straight toward Housewares, her scent nearly suffocating me because it seemed to seep into every pore of my body. Jesus, the smell of her. It was like some kind of strawberry cocktail concoction sent straight from hell to taunt me or some shit.

The smell of her, the way her brown eyes seemed so innocent yet infinitely wise as they looked into mine, the feel of her soft skin against my hand, the familiarity in touching her, it made my mind go south, conjuring up her naked body, warm and pliable, and writhing underneath mine as I pounded into her mercilessly. I wanted to lick her, bite her and do other depraved things to her. I'd never felt so carnal.

And now I was fucking hard again.

I growled under my breath as I adjusted myself, the painful throbbing of my erection making me hate her more. I didn't know the girl, yet I knew I didn't like her, couldn't stand her even, but my dick and I didn't seem to be on the same page in our opinions of her. I had no idea why I wanted to fuck her senseless. It was like the lower half of my body disconnected from my brain and took control, fueling itself off this intense primal urge to just thrust into her over and over, roughly. But it was an urge I was not okay with, and one I was certainly going to remedy.

I grabbed the first box lining the top of the cart, yanking it roughly to the hard floor, mumbling obscenities under my breath as if that would somehow remedy the shit storm that became my life over the last year and a half and seemed to crest about four hours ago in Biology.

There could have been breakables inside, but I was too pissed off to care if I broke anything. I tore open the box with my bare hands, taking my aggravation out on the cardboard, and began pulling out some weird shaped utensils. I had no idea what the hell they were, and I didn't really give a shit either.

"Dude, did you see the new girl?"

I was not one that cared for conversation with anyone, and in the foul mood I was in at the moment, I'd just as soon bash the pimply fucker who was now talking to me in the face rather than open my mouth and answer him, especially about the particular topic he was on.

"Go bug someone who gives a shit," I spat.

He started speaking again, his annoying, nasally voice echoing behind me. "I hear she's the owner's daughter. I wonder if she'll work here too. That means fresh meat, and I got first dibs."

I'd been here in this shithole, not by choice, long enough that people knew how I was and knew not to bother talking to me. He'd been here long enough to know that fact too, but today of all days, he seemed to be stuck on stupid and completely missed the warning in my tone and the words that clearly told him to shut his mouth. I grit my teeth so loud, I knew he heard me by the sharp inhale I heard behind me, then abruptly turned around, giving him my 'don't say another fucking word or I'll kick your scrawny ass' look.

His jaw clenched shut and he sputtered out something about needing to get back to work, then pretty much ran toward Produce.

Physically, for the rest of the night, I was left alone. Mentally was another story.

-OO-OO- 

Everyone was asleep when I got home, which was just the way I fucking liked it. I couldn't stomach the looks of pity on their faces, especially Esme. She tried to act all motherly, being sweet and understanding, but she wasn't my mother - she'd never be my mother. I wanted her to stop trying to take the place of the only woman I'd ever call by that name.

She claimed that wasn't what she was doing, but I knew better. I also knew when moving here I intruded on their happy little family. The only person I ever considered family was dead. And it was fucking ironic to me that now that Elizabeth Mason was dead and buried, Carlisle Cullen decided he wanted to step up and play dad. Sure I came here over the summers, and I didn't know then, but I believed now that it wasn't anything more than him feeling obligated to include me. I was the bastard child he couldn't escape, the one his parents made him be a man for so he didn't taint the family name.

He fucked up as a teenager, knocking my mother up with me when he was off with his high school buddies on summer break right after senior year. It's a wonder Esme forgave his cheating ass and married him. But he did the "right" thing by paying child support for me and taking me into his home over summer break each year. He said he never felt obligated, that he wanted me around because I was his son, his blood, but I wasn't stupid. I may have been naïve then, but those days were long passed now. Words aren't shit when the eyes say something different.

I grabbed me a sandwich, then headed upstairs to my room. I plopped down on the bed and reached underneath my mattress to pull out the bottle of Patron I had stashed there. I opened the bottle, taking a long swig, letting it burn down my throat and warm my body, but the shit stung against the cut on my lip. I grinned as I took another sip. Well, at least Sam didn't bitch up this time, but he'll learn not to cheat me at poker.

I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, lifting my head every so often to tip back the bottle. My racy thoughts started fogging over, my vision hazing, and the pain that came out fully when I was alone became less cutting. The alcohol curbed the ache. It was my quasi pain relief, moderately touching the ache when nothing else could. At some point later, I passed out.

Just like many nights before, I was jarred awake, three sets of eyes staring back at me with so much fear and concern it made me want to empty my stomach. I was kneeling in front of the couch again, reaching out to her, right where she'd be laying in my old home. Reality and memory were still blurring together a bit. I could see her body, the blood everywhere when I looked at the floor, but when I glanced up, I could see Carlisle, Esme and Alice standing just a few feet away, watching me.

Carlisle's mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear the words. I glanced back down, staring at my hands that were covered in blood. I blinked hard, trying to rid my eyes of what I knew wasn't really there, what haunted me constantly. After blinking repetitively for a few minutes, the only thing I saw was my hands, free of blood, and a bare floor.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered. I kept my eyes on the floor, but saw him from my peripherals. "I know you keep fighting me on this, but you need to talk to someone. I really feel-"

"Don't," I seethed, interrupting him. I stood up, brushing past all three of them. "I told you to just leave it alone. I'm fine." I knew why it was happening. I was being punished for not being able to save her life, the life he stole from her. I tried to warn her he wasn't safe, but when it really mattered, I wasn't there to stop him.

I made it back to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me. I glanced at the alarm clock; it was just after two in the morning. I stepped in my bathroom long enough to splash my face with some cold water, then climbed back in bed. My heart was racing and my stomach queasy. This was how I always felt after the dreams. My chest burned where the gaping hole was, so once again I tipped back the Patron.

But when everything finally went numb again and I was able to close my eyes, this time it was brown eyes mixed with fond memories of my mother I dreamed of.

-OO-OO- 

When I woke up, my head pounding and my eyes throbbing against my lids, I braved opening one eye to glance at the alarm clock. It was after seven, meaning I was probably gonna be late to school, but with the way I felt, I really didn't give a shit. I laid back down on the bed, throwing the covers over my head, but not five minutes after I settled back into the mattress, letting the warmth under my blankets relax me, Esme started banging on my fucking door.

"Edward, you're going to be late. You can't afford to be late again."

"Go bug the fucking kid that's actually yours," I said under my breath. If she heard me, she didn't acknowledge it, but continued banging on my door. I threw the covers off, growling that I was up, and slowly got myself ready, taking three aspirin before I left.

First period droned on. I had my sunglasses on at the start of class to block out the light, but that fuckwit Varner took my shit from me. Just to piss him off, I fell asleep.

Jasper and Emmett met me at my locker before second period. They were pretty much the only two fuckers in this school that I could stand somewhat talking to. I had messed around with a couple girls, yeah, but I really had no need to talk to them when I had my tongue or my dick in them. But they knew what was up. It was just sex on both sides. I was not going to allow myself to be attached to anyone. It was that simple.

The three of us headed to Government, just like any other day, but today wasn't really any other day when I walked through that door and actually fucking sensed the girl. My head snapped in her direction, my eyes penetrating hers, and she actually seemed to move around her seat uncomfortably. I smirked at her discomfort, because it was about time the shoe was on the other foot.

Thankfully we weren't seated by each other. The headache had subsided some so I tried to focus ahead of me on class, not that I really gave a shit or anything because I could skip this class for weeks and still pass it easily, but it was better than focusing on the she demon who was seated across the room from me, consuming my thoughts like the succubus she was.

Twenty four hours after seeing her, touching her, and I was thinking about her. Why? I had no fucking clue what it was, but it was driving me crazy. So because I really wanted to know why, I glanced over at her, hoping by looking at her I'd get my answer. I caught her watching me behind the veil of brown hair attached to her head shortly after I focused on her, and I couldn't help but smirk at her reaction. She was like a frightened little lamb on the outside, cloaking herself with another damn turtleneck and her hair, that vulnerable skin hiding the tigress underneath. That thought led me to thinking about how she stood up to me, something no one ever did, and the crotch of my pants tightened because of it. I cursed under my breath as the bell rang, knowing I needed to conceal the traitor in my pants before stepping out of class.

I went to my next two classes, playing up things in my head that would keep me focused. I knew Isabella would be sitting with Alice during lunch, so I made it a point to not show up. I opted for my car instead, where Bree ended up joining me. She wanted to have sex, I wanted to drink. She asked me what was wrong, because I never said no, but I answered her by getting out of the car and slamming the door.

I grit my teeth the entire way to Biology, delaying as long as I could. When I stepped through that door, I could feel that sensation again, like a static charge through the air. Mr. Banner gave me a shitty look, but I breezed past him to my seat. I could feel her next to me, like a magnet pulling at me. I wanted to turn my head and scream at her, tell her to knock it the fuck off because I didn't like this shit at all, but I fisted my hands together instead, letting the nails bite into my skin as a distraction.

We were supposed to partner up and do some lab on mitosis, but there was no way in hell I was acknowledging her. I grabbed the microscope before she had a chance to, did what I needed to do and pushed it aside with barely much time for her to finish. Part of me felt guilty because I was being a total asshole to her, but she deserved it for making me feel this way. If I was going to be uncomfortable, so was she.

I finished my last class, heading home afterward to get ready for work. Esme was in the kitchen baking cookies when I got home.

"Hey, Edward," she smiled. "I made some cookies, you want some?"

I knew she was trying to be nice and all, but she was working that mom charm again, and I knew I'd made it clear on many occasions that shit was not going to work on me.

"No," I said flatly.

She continued to smile at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Oh, okay, maybe later then. You have to work tonight?"

It was probably irrational to be angry at her for asking me that, but she damn well knew I had to work. She and Carlisle both knew my schedule. It was because of them I worked there, anyway.

"You know I'm working tonight, Esme. You know my schedule, so why are you asking?"

Her mouth dropped open for a second, then she closed it and turned her head. "I just… I was just making conversation, Edward."

"If you're going to make conversation, then why are you doing it with something you already know?" I asked in a bitter tone. "You and Carlisle are the fucking reason I'm there, so it's not as if you don't know what I'm doing."

Her head jerked back in my direction, her eyes narrowing at me. She was angry, I could see that, and it was rare you saw Esme angry. "That's not true, Edward, and you know it. You are the reason that you're working there. If you hadn't stupidly damaged store property, your father would not have had to spend hours convincing the judge to allow you to work it off instead of sending you away somewhere. We have done everything to help you, but you refuse to let us in. You think we feel obligated, isn't that what you tell us? You couldn't be more wrong about that. You were never an obligation to Carlisle or to me. We give you space because you're mourning, and we support you even when you treat us badly, but I refuse to stand by while you point fingers falsely. Put the blame where it belongs."

She dropped the spoon of dough on the cookie sheet and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there in shock.

I finally headed up to my room, showered and got ready for work. I procrastinated leaving, though, which caused me to be late. When I stepped through the doors, Paula was coming out of the office with Isabella behind her.

I tried to just go past her, but she stopped me by ranting at me. "You're late, Edward."

I kept my eyes on Paula, speaking in a shitty tone, but I knew Isabella was watching me. "I showed up, didn't I?"

She started doing that hand on the hip thing, head shaking from side to side, like she was trying to be intimidating. That shit wasn't, it just made her look like she was having a seizure. "Yeah, and you showed up late."

I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I held that shit in by grinding my teeth. And if matters couldn't get worse, the bitch starts introducing me to Isabella, who I learned went by Bella.

But Paula couldn't stop there with introductions. "Seeing as you chose to be late today, you're now the proud recipient of training Bella on the floor for the next three days."

"What?" Bella and I said in unison.

I was hoping the heat of my gaze would incinerate her where she stood, but apparently there was more work left to do for Satan's minion.

"You're serious?" I growled.

She smirked at me, raising an eyebrow. If I was one to hit girls, I would have punched her in her face. ""I'm very serious. The next three days, she's all yours. That is, of course, if you plan on being here like you're supposed to."

I was seconds from snapping and telling her right the hell off, but I swallowed that shit down, the bitter taste of my anger lumping up in my throat. I told Bella to follow me, then headed toward the backroom to clock in.

I was ready to get this shit over with, but she was standing there, blankly staring at the timecards. I had to snap her back into reality, but made sure to keep my hands off her. I wasn't doing a repeat of the day before.

She rambled something about looking for her timecard, and I rolled my eyes, making a comment about the sooner we got the shit done the happier I'd be. She called me an asshole under her breath, and I had to fight the urge to want to either verbally bash her or fuck her.

We made our way to the cereal aisle. Things were manageable for awhile until she started running that mouth of hers. It made me angry and turned on, which served to piss me off further, so I pushed her up against the shelves, telling her she had a smart mouth and someone should show her what to do with it. Of course, being this close to her, touching her, smelling that strawberry scent again, I was harder than I'd ever been.

Before anything more could be said, Paula interrupted us. For the rest of the night, I stayed away from her for my own damn sanity, but my body buzzed from touching her.

When I made it home just after eight, everyone was awake, eating a later dinner.

"Your plate is in the microwave," Esme offered. I didn't answer her, but went and grabbed it, dropping it hard enough on the table that it clanked loudly as I sat down.

"Edward, don't do that," Carlisle scolded, treating me like I was a child. "You'll either break your mother's plate or spill your food all over."

I immediately glanced up at him with a venomous stare, spitting out my words harshly. "She is not my mother."

He blinked a few times and I averted my attention to Esme, seeing her swallow hard. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. The pain was visible on her face, the pain I was causing her. I was an asshole, I knew that. It may not have been right, but I couldn't afford to care for anyone. It wasn't until I heard Carlisle's voice again, changing the subject, that I turned my attention to my plate.

"How was school today, you two?"

I kept eating, but Alice answered. "It was great. Classes went well, and Jasper and I…" She continued talking and I zoned out everything she was saying, that is until I heard Bella's name. "Her name is Bella. Well, I actually met her yesterday, but she wasn't real talkative or anything. Today she talked more, though. She's really nice."

I grunted at her characterization of nice concerning Bella. I had a few choice words to describe her and nice wasn't one of them.

"So how was work, Edward?"

I have no idea why I set my fork down and actually looked up at him after he asked. I usually ignored him, because I really didn't care to talk about a place I hated, but for some reason, and I'd say that reason was about 5'4 or so with brown eyes, caused me to speak.

"How'd work go?" I repeated coldly. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it work. I'd say it's much closer to hell. That pretty much sums that place up. But if you're curious what I did, well, I got fucking stuck training someone new tonight. It must be a small world and all because it just happened to be Alice's 'nice' friend Bella, though nice isn't really an accurate word I'd use to describe her. I'd say she's more like one of those creatures that looks safe and vulnerable on the outside, but that's only to mask that she'll suck the very fucking life right out of you until there's nothing left and you shrivel up and die. Yeah, that's it."

I stood up from the table and walked away, leaving all three people that were joined by me with their mouths hanging open.

I fell asleep pretty quickly once I laid down, only to wake up several hours later in front of the couch again, but this time the body lying in front of me wasn't my mother's, it was Bella's.

-OO-OO- 

Up until lunch, things went quickly. Emmett talked me into going to the cafeteria. I really didn't want to, because of her, but I went anyway. We were there before she and Alice showed up. I tried not to act like I noticed her, but I definitely noticed her.

She sat down across from me, sort of, and talked to everyone but me, of course. She had on another turtleneck, black and grey this time, making her skin look paler than normal. It almost seemed iridescent. Obviously I was staring to notice that shit. The group started asking her questions, and I pretended I wasn't listening to her answers, but I was. I was hoping there was something in one of them that would explain whatever caused this feeling around her, but there wasn't, and if I was being honest, it aggravated me. Why couldn't she just leave me the hell alone?

It's like she sensed my aggravation or something, because she was fidgeting with the top of her turtleneck, something she did often, like it was a shield meant to protect her or camouflage her. What was the fascination with the fucking turtlenecks, anyway?

So I joined in the questioning, even though Alice had asked everyone to stop, but I wasn't one to bow to others demands. And again, if I was being honest, I wanted to punish her somehow for making me feel this way, because I didn't want to feel like this around her. I didn't want to feel anything for anyone. I sensed she wore those turtlenecks for a reason, and that reason she didn't want anyone knowing.

I was cruel, and I could see it all over her face how much I hurt her, but she sat there and took it until Rosalie changed the subject. I acted like I didn't care, but I did, and I hated admitting that to myself. I was hit with regret, almost like a solid punch in the chest with the emotion, when she excused herself from the table.

It had been a long time since I really felt anything but the pain in my chest and anger, but I regretted hurting her. It was a foreign emotion to me now, but I fucking felt it, anyway.

She came to Biology, looking different, looking resigned. I did my best to hide the fact that I saw her. I was doing that a lot where she was concerned. She sat down next to me, and there was definitely a difference in the way she carried herself. I sighed loudly. Yeah, it was meant to get her attention, only because I wanted to see if she would look at me. She didn't.

Mr. Banner started a discussion on cats, acting all excited and shit about the topic. I snorted at the way he reacted and his topic of choice. What the fuck was so exciting about cat species? Of course because I made a noise, he thought that was my way of volunteering to participate. I gave him some lame answer I didn't believe, followed by an asshole response. He was pissed, that was obvious. What did he expect me to do? He really shouldn't have called on me.

He was preparing to verbally rip me apart when his eyes suddenly locked on Bella about the time I saw from my peripherals she was raising her hand. I immediately looked at her.

"I disagree with Edward," she said. There was no mistaking the disgust she felt toward me in the way she said my name. She started going into why she disagreed, her words showing she was pretty fucking smart, but she was doing that shit to challenge me, and she let me know that by the way she looked at me once she was finished. And then she finished it off with calling me a cat whisperer and some other bitchy shit.

I could hear laughter all around us, but my focus was on her. I was so fucking hard again. It was like her bitchiness was a form of Viagra for my dick. This girl was really pissing me off with the way she made me lose control of my body. My lip was twitching and I grit my teeth together.

We were in a stare down, making threats with our eyes. I expected her to flinch, but she didn't, and I was turned on even more. I smirked at her, letting her know with my eyes this shit was far from over, and she obliged with her own for me to basically give her my best shot. I was planning on it.

I skipped out of last period with Emmett, heading back to his place with Rosalie to drink. I was acquiring a nice buzz, laying back in one of the recliners that rested in the small living room of the loft above his parent's garage.

I was relaxing, attempting to clear my mind of anything that would mess with my buzz, but that failed on a major epic level when Emmett mentioned the one person I did not want to fucking discuss.

"That Bella seems pretty cool, heh? I think Newton has a hard-on for her, though."

"Newton has a hard-on for anything that doesn't have a dick," Rosalie scoffed.

"She's not his type," I blurted out. Where the fuck did that shit come from?

I could actually hear Rosalie's head cock to the side, feel her eyes on me. "How would you know that?"

"I don't," I answered quickly to recover. "Just forget it."

She shook her head. "I don't think so, Edward. You can't say shit like that then tell us to forget it. What? Do you like the girl or something?"

I sat up quickly, practically slamming my beer down on the table. "Shut the fuck up, Rosalie." That bitch was too nosey sometimes. I stood from the chair, reaching for my keys that slid down between the armrest and the cushion. "I gotta go. I've gotta get ready for work."

"Don't be like that, Cullen," Emmett laughed. "Rose was just fucking with you."

I grabbed my keys, yanking them free. "Whatever, man. I gotta go. I'll catch ya later."

I headed straight for my car, peeling out of the driveway toward the highway. As soon as I made it home, I went straight to my room, feeling even more suffocated by Isabella Swan. She was not only in the same town as me, but she'd managed to end up in several of my classes, own and work at my place of employment and wormed her way into the hearts of my friends. I couldn't seem to escape her.

Tanya was waiting for me near the timecards when I made it to work. She smiled at me, batting her eyelashes and trying to act sexy and shit. She nodded her head toward the closet and I followed her. My entire body was tense, and honestly, I just needed to get off.

She was grabby when she reached my pants, practically tearing off my jeans and boxers. She looked up at me, licking her lips all seductive like as she wrapped her fingers around my dick. I smirked down at her and gripped her hair in my hand just as she wrapped her lips around the tip.

My head fell back while my eyes closed, and I groaned as she sucked me all the way into the warmth and wetness of her mouth. She started off slow, her tongue gliding along the underside of my dick. She stroked down once with her mouth, then moved back up. As she reached the head, she pulled her mouth off, licking the tip and dragging her teeth lightly across the sensitive skin. I hissed at the sensation, and she wrapped her lips around me again, putting a tight pressure against the tip with her tongue and lips. It was torture, the way the pleasure was stilled because she wasn't moving. She finally moved over me as she began pumping me at the base with her small hand.

I was groaning loudly because it felt so fucking good. Tanya was on her knees with my dick in her mouth, making me feel good, but it wasn't her face I was seeing behind my eyelids. Instead, it was Bella. Her soft lips were wrapped around me, her brown eyes staring up at me under her lashes and her warm hands made me feel as good as her mouth. I grew even harder picturing her.

My breathing elevated as my climax neared. Specks of white light fluttered behind my eyes, and the muscles in my stomach tightened as it got closer. Tanya started moving faster, knowing I was close to coming. I felt a pleasurable burn start at the latter half of my body, shooting back up to stop at my groin. The pleasure was so intense it nearly buckled me at the knees. She squeezed me with her thumb and forefinger as she moved further down, my tip hitting the back of her throat. I cried out, feeling my cock twitch just before I came. I could feel her swallowing around me, doubling the pleasure my climax caused. It took a long moment for the feeling to actually dissipate.

I lifted my head just as Tanya released me from her mouth. She was smiling up at me, obviously very fucking pleased with herself. I smiled back, thanking her, but if she knew she wasn't the one I visualized giving me head, she'd never do it again.

She stood up, wiping her mouth some while I tucked myself back in my boxers and pulled my jeans back up.

"You were pretty loud," she breathed. "I'm surprised no one heard you."

I lifted an eyebrow. "So what if they did."

She shook her head, laughing. She turned around ready to step out of the closet, but I grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face me. Her eyes widened, and then she moaned as my hand snaked down between her legs. I could feel the warmth and wetness that had seeped through her panties.

I leaned forward, placing my mouth near her ear, barely whispering the words, "Next time, I'll be the one on my knees tasting you."

She shuddered against me, whimpering softly. I figured it was the least I could do, offering to go down on her since I'd thought of another girl while she was blowing me. It's not something I did, offering to do that shit. I did it only if I wanted to, but I rationalized that it was pay back to Bella for making me think of her sexually yet again. It didn't make sense now, but it made sense at the time, and I'd already offered Tanya my tongue.

I started out of the closet, and she straightened herself a little more before following behind me. I clocked in real quick, throwing on my smock, and started for the store. Just as I was heading out of the backroom, I caught the tail end of a conversation between Bella and Matt – he was asking her out.

I became angry, irrationally, but I was angry none the less. I shouldn't give a shit about either of them, and to save face, I got shitty, commenting about a dating service. Tanya followed suit, but I'll be damned if Bella didn't call her the fuck out, telling her she still had jizz on her mouth.

I had to suppress the urge to laugh by turning away. Tanya took off toward the registers, and I made my way toward Houswares, but Paula stopped me halfway, telling me there was a cart of laundry detergent and shit that needed stocked.

I growled under my breath but made my way to the cart, anyway. Shortly after, I heard Bella come up behind me. We didn't say shit to each other, which was fine by me. Being near her was difficult enough.

It was semi comfortable, both of us working on opposite sides of the aisle, but when we reached that last box I was going to unload it myself. I was attempting to keep things cordial, not fucking easy to do with her, but I should have known with Bella that was impossible. She started arguing with me about who should open the box. It was a stupid reason to argue with me about, but she said some shit about me instructing because she needed to learn, so I told her to go right the hell ahead.

The problem was, she had a shitty way of opening the box. It was weird, honestly. I told her it was wrong, and in turn, she compared me to a fucking Star Wars character. We threw insults back and forth, that smart mouth of hers making it difficult to think of anything but bending her over the cart. This was really getting ridiculous.

I thought I had the upper hand by calling her a Wookie and asking if a duster on the end cap was her cousin. I was wrong. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf."

Jesus Christ, I'd never been so pissed and turned on before in all my life.

I stalked toward her, pushing her against the shelves with my body. Her warm body was pressed tight against mine, and I had to suppress the urge to groan. I placed my hands on either side of her head, my breathing staccato. I stared into her eyes, seeing my anger mirrored. I wondered if she was turned on as well. I wasn't about to ask her, because I had no intention of telling her she made my dick hard just by being a bitch. If I really thought about it, that fact was pretty fucked up.

I felt that pull again, the need to touch her, and my right hand moved just the slightest, causing my pinky to barely graze her. A current shot up my arm, settling at my chest in the form of excruciating need. It scared the living hell out of me, so I jerked my hand away.

I felt different, on display, but I could see inside her. The pain there, it constricted my chest to the point it actually physically hurt. I couldn't even swallow. The lines on her face diminished, her expression softening, and I felt like she reached inside me at that moment and took a chunk of me out.

"I can see it," she whispered. "I can see the pain, Edward."

I'd never felt more vulnerable, not since…

"You can't see anything," I growled.

"What?" she asked. She seemed completely clueless as to what I was talking about.

"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."

"I was just-"

"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."

"Edward, I was just-"

"Don't," My tone pleading. I turned on my heels, starting down the aisle. How I was able to call back to her, I don't know. "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."

I didn't even go to the break room. I stormed out the exit door that led to the back of the store. I had so many different fucking emotions coursing through me, making me feel like I was so open that I was raw and bleeding.

How could she see? Why her?

The only ones who knew anything about my past were Carlisle, Esme, Alice and a few staff members at school. How could she know that there was a hole where my heart should be?

It made me angry, knowing she could see inside me like that. She had no right to know my pain. I wasn't offering her that right. Why did she have to go and get analytical on me, like figuring me out and piecing me together had suddenly become important to her? I didn't give her any reason to believe I was okay with her attempting that. I didn't need her to figure me out, and I sure as fuck didn't need her to piece me together. I didn't need or want anyone for anything. I didn't want any kind of attachment. Doing that meant allowing myself to care about someone, and the last time I allowed myself to really care about someone, I…

Why the hell did she have to come here of all places, anyway?

I paced back and forth, cursing under my breath, wanting to hit something, anything that would distract the ache in my chest. I leaned against the brick wall, slamming the sides of my fists against the cement. It hurt, but I didn't care. I growled out my frustration, trying to purge myself of this agony and Isabella Swan.

Nothing I did relieved me. But at least I was away from her. I had that… or so I thought. She must have been seeking me out, wondering where I'd gone. Hadn't she done enough already? She pushed through that back door, stepping out into the chilly air. My eyes immediately fell on her, seeing the guilt on her face.

She started to open her mouth, and I held up my hand, stopping her. "Don't do it." I shook my head. "I don't want to know what happened back there. I don't want you to say anything."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to-"

"Fuck," I growled, slamming my fists against my sides. "Don't you listen? Why can't you stay out of my… Why can't you just stop?"

"Because," she said as she walked toward me. "I'm trying to make this right, okay?"

"I don't need you to make it right. I don't need you to do anything for me, but stop."

"I can't," she whispered.

Didn't she learn? Wasn't I clear enough that she needed to stay away? She was driving me crazy, tearing me down and making me feel something, and we didn't even know each other. How could someone I didn't really know, who didn't really know me, have this much power over me? I didn't hand it to her, and I certainly didn't want her to have it. I had no idea how much more I could take of this shit.

She started moving toward me again, and that was not a good idea. "Stop," I warned.

She shook her head. "No."

"Bella, I fucking swear if you don't stop-"

"You'll what?" she challenged.

My control was feeble at best when I was more clearheaded, but I was not clearheaded right now because she just wouldn't let shit go. I pushed forward, trapping her between me and the brick wall. It was cold as fuck out, but her warm body pressed against mine was a huge contrast to the harsh coldness outside. I couldn't focus on anything but the way she felt against me or the way she made me feel, which obstructed the anger. Her eyes widened as she stared up at me, her top front teeth biting into her lip.

I didn't know what it was, but I wanted something. I just fucking wanted. And before I even realized what I was doing, my eyes were closed and my nose was brushing against her cheek, her warmth and scent clouding up my thoughts.

She practically whimpered my name, and that snapped me out of the non lucid state I was in. I stepped back quickly, putting distance between me and her. The way I was acting, it wasn't rational, and I needed to stay the hell away from her. Whatever she was doing to me, it made me feel like I was completely losing control, and I didn't like it.

I took another step back, keeping my eyes on her. She was confused, but truth be told, she wasn't the only one. "You need to stay away from me, Bella." She started to speak, but I cut her off. "I mean it."

I didn't give her a chance to answer before I was through the door and back inside the store, heading toward Paula's office. One way or another, she needed to separate me and Bella, and she needed to do it now.