CF- Chapter Four: Battlefield

Chapter 4: Battlefield

 

Playing God

You don't have to believe me

But the way I, way I see it

Next time you point a finger

I might have to bend it back

Or break it, break it off

Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror

If God's the game that you're playing

Well, we must get more acquainted

Because it has to be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy

It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in

You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you

I felt suspended in time, stuck right in the middle of an Edward Cullen inflicted Hell. That smug expression of his was still intact. He had to know he was breaking me down. How could he not? I knew it was visible on my face.

I barely registered the people around me. My entire body felt numb except for the hand that clutched at the collar of my turtleneck, as if doing so would help shield me somehow. My vision tunneled, obstructing everything around me but him. I wanted to look away so badly. I even attempted moving because of the screaming inside my head that told me to, but my neck muscles were apparently so strained and unyielding, I couldn't.

His left eyebrow lifted as he stared at me, baiting me to challenge him. It was like he was begging me to. It was so obvious he wanted some kind of altercation between us. I knew people could be cruel, seen it up close and personal before, but nothing compared to what I was experiencing now. I'd never hated anyone before, but in this moment, I hated Edward Cullen.

Through the midst of anxiety, I somehow managed to hear the tiny voice beside me. "I happen to like turtlenecks. I think they look good on you, Bella."

No one at this table knew the significance of my turtlenecks, but could easily understand something about the subject affected me – which was why Alice was trying to save me from his taunting.

"I didn't ask you, Alice." His tone was even, but the warning within his words for her to mind her own business was unmistakable.

"I was just-"

His eyes cut in her direction, finally releasing me from their suffocating grip. She immediately went silent, and I could see her flinch from my peripherals. It confounded me how it was possible for one person to hold that much power over another by a look.

Your fear gives him that power, my inner voice reprimanded. Stand up for yourself. Don't give him that control. 

Before I had time to really mull over the words inside my head, another voice spoke up.

"Are we really gonna talk about turtlenecks and shit for the remainder of lunch?" Emmett asked, his laughter slicing through the tension. "That's about as interesting to me as Newton's dick." Mike flipped Emmett off while the others laughed. But me, I wanted to kiss Emmett's face off for interrupting.

Edward's brow furrowed as he glanced down at the table, his expression now one of disinterest. "Whatever," he murmured. "I don't care." He pushed his chair out roughly, then stood up and walked away, leaving his tray on the table.

I exhaled loudly in relief and all talking around the table ceased while nine sets of eyes instantly fell on me, making me once again the center of attention. Alice went to speak, but I stood quickly, needing to get away. "I have to go to my locker before class," I uttered in a voice I didn't even recognize. It was empty, void of emotion. Of course, my words were a complete lie, but I did need to leave. Whispering began the moment I started moving away from the table.

There they went, trying to figure me out. But what else did I really expect? I gave them a reason to. I was the insignificant girl freaking out about a fucking turtleneck.

I hastily returned my tray and exited the lunchroom, heading straight to the girl's bathroom. Lunch was still going so luckily no one was in there at the time. I walked to the last stall and pushed the door open, shutting myself inside. My God, how I wanted this entire stall to wrap me up and blanket me.

I pressed my back against the cold metal door, my head bowing forward as a sob tore from my chest. I cried tears of anger at Edward and myself, tears of devastation, but mostly tears of longing to be like everyone else. I could handle anything he threw at me, anything but what he did today. I hated this weakness. I hated that I let him get to me, but it was like he could see inside my soul, see what could hurt me, and he used that as a weapon to tear me down into the sobbing mess I was.

I gripped the hem of my turtleneck, wanting to rip it apart for making me so transparent to him. It was stupid to blame a piece of clothing, my mind knew this, but I wore it as a form of armor and it failed me. It was a means to protect myself, make me feel for a short time that I could appear just like everyone else, that I could fit in. I could even be pretty like the girls with perfect bodies and perfect hearts that were always theirs.

Charlie and Renee kept telling me how appreciative I should be to have a second chance, because they were certainly appreciative, but they couldn't possibly understand what I felt; especially when I looked at myself. They told me I was beautiful, but they were my parents, they had to. It came with the job description. But to someone who didn't know me to see this scar that marred my flesh and illustrated my limitations, my difference to them, that I was damaged… it wasn't beautiful. Who could possibly want me like this?

I felt like I was being hypocritical because I hated the pity someone gave me when they learned the truth about me. I just wanted to be treated like a regular girl. Yet, here I was, basically pitying myself for something that couldn't be changed, because I knew as much as I wanted to be treated like a regular girl, people wouldn't. Once they knew, that was it, I was treated as breakable.

But I couldn't look at myself and feel anything but disgust. I hated what this scar represented, and I hated how much it changed someone's view of me when they finally knew about it. And I really hated how vulnerable it made me to Edward Cullen. Jesus, I handled remarks about having a baboon heart and it didn't affect me like this. But him, making comments about my turtleneck, and I was a complete wreck.

I slammed the heel of my shoe against the door, angry all over again. I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hand, growling out my frustrations, but halted the moment I heard voices inside the bathroom.

What are you gonna do?

Are you just going to let him win?

You gonna let these other girls hear you like this?

I glanced down at my watch. I had a choice to make. Stay or go.

I had to go now if I was going to make it to class on time. Going to class now, he'd know I'd been crying, but if I were to be late or not show up, well, that would be more control I'd be handing over. I stood there, breathing in and out. And the more I thought about what he'd done, the way he'd been treating me since I moved here, the more my spine steeled. No, I'd given him too much power already. I was done letting Edward Cullen hurt me.

I finished wiping my eyes and opened the door, passing two occupied stalls. I walked over to the sink and turned the cold water on, then splashed a little on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror for a couple seconds, watching droplets of water trailing down my blotchy skin in uneven patterns.

Don't let him break you, Bella.

I nodded to myself, grabbing paper towel to dry my face, then left the bathroom with my books in hand to Biology.

He was already seated when I walked through the door, and I very nearly hesitated once I stepped inside the room, but somehow my mind forced me to continue moving toward my seat in an effort to prevent any further humiliation. I thought back to what I decided in the bathroom and steeled myself further. Luckily, doing so thwarted looking at him from triggering me to shut down. And as much as I tried to avoid it, I could still see him and see he wasn't really paying attention to me. But if he was looking at me, he was doing a good job of camouflaging it.

I sat down in my seat, holding my head up, keeping my body straight. I placed my books on the table and looked ahead, focusing on what Mr. Banner was saying. I heard Edward sigh to the left of me. I wasn't sure if it was meant to distract me or otherwise, but I ignored him, keeping my concentration in front of me.

"Many aren't aware, but it's been a debated topic, and because I'd discussed it quite thoroughly with fellow peers, we'll go off regular topic today and discuss it amongst us." Mr. Banner took a few tentative steps away from the blackboard, his enthusiastic eyes scanning the classroom of faces staring back at him.

Edward snorted in response, obviously not sharing the same enthusiasm, and Mr. Banner's eyes locked right on him. "Well, Mr. Cullen, how liberating you grace us with the knowledge of your presence. I can only take that to mean you know the answer, then." Mr. Banner's hands clasped together in front of him as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "So, is it fact that the cat species is going extinct?"

Edward laughed at the question, then leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms against his chest. "As difficult as that question might be, I'd have to say that's a false statement." His expression was smug, arrogance exuding every word he spoke. "Of course, you can ask the nine cats living under my house if you need verification." Somehow, I believed he answered the way he did just to dig at Mr. Banner.

I could actually see smoke filtering out of Mr. Banner's ears, his face turning red with ire. His mouth opened, obviously to reprimand Edward when I raised my hand. This was not something I normally did, but I wanted to personally wipe that smug expression off Edward's face. Both he and Mr. Banner glanced right at me, and as angry as Mr. Banner still appeared, he nodded at me.

"I disagree with Edward." I stressed on his name, making my dislike for him quite palpable. "Cat species are going instinct. In fact, the black-footed, kodkod and bay are just three of the smaller endangered wild cat species. There are actually thirty-seven species of wild cat in the world today." I turned my head, narrowing my eyes as I met Edward's heated gaze. "I'm not a cat whisperer like Mr. Cullen here, but I'm sure if he went home chatting up those nine cats of his, they'd agree with me."

Laughter broke out around the room. And as Mr. Banner fought to quiet everything down, Edward and I were locked in a visual duel.

His eyes burned brighter and his lip began twitching as his jaw tensed. I could actually hear his teeth grinding together under the strain. Oh, he was pissed. But I honestly didn't care. Suck it up, Cullen. I'm finished with you intimidating me. I refused to look away, refused to budge. It finally registered sometime during our stare down that I wasn't backing down because his lips lifted on one side and he smirked at me, though I clearly understood what he was saying in that smirk. "This is far from over." I smirked back my response. "Bring it."

Through the remainder of my classes, my mood improved drastically. I felt pretty empowered. And, of course, after last period class, I wasn't surprised to find Alice waiting at my locker.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.

"Yeah," I told her. "I need to grab some things out of my locker, then you can walk me to my truck if you want."

She nodded. "Okay."

I waited for her to speak, but she just stood beside me, so I encouraged her by speaking first. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry about what happened at lunch," she blurted out. "I could tell you were really upset."

I stopped rummaging through my locker and faced her. I sighed heavily before speaking. "Look, I know how it looked. I know what you must be thinking, I just… I can't get into that right now, okay? So please don't ask me to."

She nodded again, like she understood exactly where I was coming from. "I won't, but I needed you to know that I was sorry. Your personal life is your business and what Edward did was wrong."

"It was," I agreed. I closed my locker and motioned with my head toward the doors. I started talking again as we moved. "I'm just… it got to me. I know everyone saw that, so I freely admit it, but that's obviously what he wanted. I don't know why he's singled me out, but I'm not going to let him do it again. I honestly don't know how you put up with him."

Her face fell, her voice exuding sadness. "He wasn't always this way, Bella. I know that's probably hard to believe, but he wasn't. He had… something happened that changed him." We pushed through the doors and made our way outside. "We keep trying to reach him, and sometimes I think I see a flicker of my brother in there, but it disappears as quickly as it came. It hurts, you know, knowing how he was before and seeing him like this now.

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't remember." Her pain and longing made me ache for her. Our pain was caused by different reasons, but I knew how she felt more than she realized. "Dad somehow thinks it's his fault, like maybe he should be doing more than he is. How can he? Edward won't talk to him. Edward won't tell anyone how he feels about what happened." She paused again as we reached my truck. "He has night terrors." I gazed down at the damp cement, having no idea how to process everything she was telling me or why she was even telling me something so personal. I disliked Edward, but I felt like I was violating him somehow by listening to private things about him. "He has every night since… Every night we find him in front of the couch, reliving what happened to his mom." My head lifted, my mouth opening to question what she meant by 'his mom', but she stared at me with tears in her eyes and I couldn't do it. I swiftly closed my mouth, swallowing down the questions that formulated within my brain. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bella."

She was falling apart in front of me, and the only thing I could offer, which was something I wasn't used to doing, was to wrap my arms around her and hug her, telling her to have faith. If only I could believe my own words.

-OO-OO-

I made it to the store a little later than I wanted, largely in part to the red bomb. It died in the driveway at home twice, then finally sputtered to life, groaning like a wounded animal that begged to be put out of its misery.

I passed the registers as I moved toward the back, hearing the other two cashiers ask where Tanya was. And just like that my mind shifted from my conversation with Alice to recollecting what happened in the utility closet. My nose scrunched up in disgust, and I honestly dreaded entering the backroom. I was dead set on padlocking both of their asses in this time if that's where strawberry blonde and Edward were. My conscious, however, reminded me of what Alice told me about Edward, and as much as he probably deserved me locking him in the utility closet, I couldn't do it. Not now.

I was just about to enter the backroom when my name was called. "Hey, Bella, are you working tonight?"

I turned my head in the direction of the voice. "Hey, Matt," I smiled. "Yeah, the Warden demands my services for the evening." I flashed him a cheeky grin.

He laughed. "Do you always call your mom the Warden?"

"No," I chuckled, shrugging. "I just picked that up recently."

"Is she really that bad?" he asked. "She seems really nice around here."

"No, she's not that bad, honestly. I just like to tease."

"So I can see." He shook his head, smiling.

"Well, I'll see you around the cell block," I teased.

I started to move when he spoke up again. "Uh, Bella, I wanted to ask you something." His voice lowered an octave, his eyes shifting off me to the box in front of him as he fidgeted nervously where he stood. "I was just wondering if you'd… maybe if you'd like to get a coffee sometime… with me?"

Not what I expected. "Oh… uh, I-"

Before I could finish replying, Edward and strawberry blonde came traipsing out of the backroom, interrupting my reply. "What is this, a dating service?" Did he ever get tired of being an ass?

I glared at him and was just about to make a snarky comment when closet ho decided to stop wiping at her mouth and give her sarcastic two cents. "Love in the vegetable aisle. How cute?"

I smiled serenely at her, placing my pointer finger at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot of jizz."

Her eyes widened and her hand went back to her mouth, completely covering it. Edward's lip began twitching and he turned his head away. I moved passed them into the backroom, hearing the faint sound of Matt's laughter as I headed for the time clock.

After slipping on the ugly brown smock, I made my way back into the store area. I didn't bother going to the front office to ask Paula where I'd be working. I already knew I'd be working with Edward through tomorrow.

I found him stocking shelves with various brands of laundry detergent. Even from a side view of his profile I could make out the scowl upon his face. Just grab a box, do what you're supposed to and ignore him unless it's absolutely necessary to speak. Easier said than done when all I could think about was Alice's words.

I stopped in front of the cart beside him, grabbed the scissors from my smock and began opening a box. It was full of Tide. I scanned the aisle, finding the Tide located midsection, then yanked bottles from the box and carried them to where they were supposed to go.

We worked around each other, reacting mindlessly toward one another. I went from box to box, filling up shelves with fabric softner, bleach, laundry detergent and stain removal. We finished up in that aisle, then moved to toiletries. It took three and a half hours from the time we began our shift to reach the last one on the cart. Unfortunately, neither of us had anything left to do from the previous boxes we had.

I gripped the scissors tightly in my hand, ready to rip through the tape when he stopped me. "I'll do that."

"It's fine, I got it. It's the last one."

"You don't listen so well. I said I'd do it."

I glanced up at him. "I've managed this far, I think I can handle one more box."

"I'm supposed to be training you, which means I'm the boss. I'll do it," he growled.

Were we really fighting over who was going to empty a box?

He reached for the box, but I flattened my hands against the top. "Which is why I should do this," I spat. "You're supposed to be instructing, so instruct or something while I unload this box. I do need to learn where everything goes."

"If that's what you want," he sneered. "I'd be more than happy to instruct."

"Not surprising," I mumbled as I cut into the tape holding the box closed. And it wasn't. I really thought he liked to listen to the sound of his own voice sometimes.

"That's not how you do it." I jumped at the tone of his voice. "You're opening it wrong."

I stopped, angling my head enough to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I had no idea there was a technique to opening boxes." He stared back, eyes flaming green fire. I was not intimidated this time. "Instruct me on your awesome skills of opening a box, Yoda."

His hands fisted at his sides, teeth clenched together as his voice turned acidic. "Did you just call me something from Star Trek?"

I wanted to laugh. He could not be this dumb. "No, it was Star Wars." My tone was just as harsh.

"I know that, Chewbacca, I'm not that fucking dumb. I do actually know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek."

Whoa, hold up. Those were fighting words. I was not Chewbacca, I was Princess Leia, damn it… or at the very least Han. "Did you just call me a Wookie?"

And now I was being treated to the trademark Edward Cullen smirk. Smug bastard. He'd deliberately acted dense to bait me. I should have known by the way he said Star Trek. "Hey, isn't that your cousin over there?"

I stupidly turned around to see some massive furry dust buster on the end cap. My fingers tightened around my scissors as I contemplated a new use for them. So this was how it was going to be, heh? Fine by me. I smiled and nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf." This was not me, not how I normally acted, but he just had a way of making me so irate that I lashed out.

I'd seen people infuriated to the point the rage pouring from their eyes actually heated my skin, but I'd never seen anything as colorful as the fury pulsating from Edward. I seriously considered the possibility of his head exploding or his body combusting.

He stalked toward me, pushing me with his body against the shelves. I felt them wobble against me but was too distracted by Edward and his actions to worry about whether or not it may topple over.

His hands came to rest on either side of my head, and he was breathing heavily through his flared nose. Once again, I found myself in the same predicament as earlier in school, only Edward's body was pressed against mine and the animosity was unlike anything I'd seen before. He wasn't used to be called out on his shit, or treated as he treated others.

Both of us were breathing heavily, trembling with anger and completely unblinking as we stared into one another's eyes. I couldn't look away, or maybe I just refused to, but regardless I held my ground. I had no idea what he was trying to prove right now. I just assumed it was more a tactic to bully me, but I wasn't giving him anything more than I did this afternoon. He'd taken enough from me.

His right hand moved a fraction of an inch, causing his pinky to brush against the skin of my neck. I felt a surge of something familiar and intense ripple through me. I nearly lost my steeled resolve because of it and wondered as his lips parted and he jerked his hand away like I carried the Bubonic Plague if I wasn't the only one to feel it.

But it was like that brief touch did something, opened us both up somehow. I had no idea how or why, but I was able to push past that anger and find such deep-rooted anguish thriving inside of him. It was eating him up, swallowing away anything warm and bright inside of him. Somehow in the middle of glimpsing a part of his soul, I was still acutely aware of him. I could see his expression softening, but his eyes still remained intense.

I couldn't really explain in words what I was feeling, other than to say I felt like something was being taken from me, like as he looked into my eyes he was taking pieces of me and deciphering them, but those pieces weren't being given back. Wasn't I doing the same, though?

I can see it.

I can see the pain, Edward.

He blinked a few times, taking several steps backward as his face shifted from confusion to agitation. "You can't see anything."

"What?" I asked, replying spontaneously. What was he talking about?

"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."

But I only said… Had I really voiced that aloud?

"I was just-"

"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."

"Edward, I wasn't trying to-"

This time his response was more a plea. "Don't." He took a few more steps back then turned on his heels and started down the aisle, calling back to me, "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."

I moved away from the shelf, which was now grating into my back, and ran my hands down my face, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.

I couldn't really come up with a plausible explanation, yet I knew what I felt was real. I knew what I saw was real. Alice was right, I saw that flicker, and now I found myself more intrigued by Edward. I wanted to know his pain, and for some reason unknown to me, I wanted to take it away.

FK - Chapter Four: Date Night

Chapter 4: Date Night

"Let me get this straight…" Jess paused, her brows raised in question while she propped her arm up on the table, fisting her hand so that her head could rest against it. "You two went for a walk, came back here for coffee, which ended up in a heated kiss, and he just went home afterward without trying to sleep with you... umm... even though he wanted to?"
I nodded. "Pretty much."
Her face contorted into a mass of lines that showed her confusion. "And you just let him leave?"
"Yes," I said as I finished the last bite of my Cesar salad. "I did. He was right, Jess. Look what happened the last time I slept with someone I barely knew. It's been two months, and I still can't forget that night or him. I have so many what-ifs going through my mind because of that night. I don't like it. I don't like not having closure, and I feel like there was so much more that could have been said or done, but it's too late now. Besides, I really like Jasper, and I don't want to make the same mistake with him. I think we made the right decision to wait."
"Well, I guess. I mean, you have to go at your own pace, right? You're a far better person than I am, Bella. Had it been me, that kiss would have at least ended with some serious dry humping. How you both were able to walk away with nothing more is beyond me. Kudos to you, because I couldn't have done it," she stated pointedly.
"It wasn't as if it were easy, Jess. I was very turned on, but he had a valid point. It's about more than just sex. I mean, it happens because there's attraction, yeah, but if you couldn't already tell, I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a real relationship with substance instead of sitting at home alone talking to a chia pet that clearly doesn't answer back, eating fucking bon-bons and watching love stories that make me hate my life even more. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of sitting here waiting for someone to come along on their white horse and carry me away to fucking princess land. It's not going to happen. This thing with Jasper is what I need right now. I like him, and I want to see where it leads," I said, taking a deep breath and settling back in my seat.
Her eyebrow arched in amusement. "Are you saying this to convince me, or are you saying it to convince yourself?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned.
"Edward Cullen. That's what that means," she said. "Come on, Bella. It's been two months, and he hasn't once tried to look you up, yet you still have a thing for him. He knew your name. How hard would it be to find you? He's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but I don't get the attachment. It was one night. Jasper is sitting right here, and he seems to really like you. If you don't forget about the night you spent with Edward, it's going to plague any chance you have with Jasper. Seriously, look at this from the logical side. Edward could have any woman he wants, and he probably does so as often as he wants. Why waste your time on a memory of a man who is too far out of our league? Take that night for what it was… a one-night stand."
She was right, but it was easier said than done. How could I explain how he had affected me when I didn't understand myself? Regardless, I was determined to forget him.
"Jess, my number is unlisted."
She cocked her head to the side, her expression clearly reiterating that she thought I was delusional.
"Of course you're right." I nodded my head, but swallowed roughly against the knot in my throat that told me otherwise. "I just happened to be the choice for the evening." I told myself that, but it was a hard pill to swallow because I truly believed it was just one of those things that happened. In the time I spent with Edward, womanizing didn't seem his style, but then again, appearances could be deceiving.
Sleeping with him, it wasn't planned, but maybe if I convinced myself it was and it meant nothing, then maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier letting his memory go. "It doesn't matter now. It's long been over, and I feel like a loser for even dwelling on it when I'm sure he's not had a single thought about me after that night. I really do like Jasper, and I want to spend time with him."
She smiled. "Then do that. Just enjoy yourself because you deserve to." Her smile widened. "You know what would really be crazy? This is all hypothetical, of course, but what if you and Jasper became an item and because he's a musician too, you ended up running into Edward Cullen? How awkward would that be?"
"Not fucking funny," I chastised. "And I'm not even going to dignify that statement with an answer."
The remainder of Friday evening played out as usual, though I'd substituted my normal lean cuisine meal for an Angus burger. I was sitting on the couch watching Pretty Woman when the phone rang. Immediately, my heart began pounding in my chest. I knew who it would be.
"Hello," I said, trying to hide the excitement in my voice.
"Hello, Beautiful. I promised I'd call. It's not a bad time, is it?" Jasper asked.
My knee began to bob up and down. I actually felt giddy. I was like a fucking school girl all over again. "No, it's not a bad time at all. I'm glad you called."
He chuckled. "Good. I'm glad I called too. So, how has your day been?"
"Eventful," I said. "Work was shitty as usual because my boss is a dick. Other than that, it's been good, and it got even better as soon as you called."
"I know what you mean," he laughed. "I felt better the moment I heard your voice. I wanted to talk to you all day, but my schedule didn't allow it. I was determined that I'd talk to you at some point today."
"Jasper," I began. "About last night, I-"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Bella, but I feel like I should say this before anything more is said about what happened." I could hear him breathing on the other end. "Things are hectic in my life right now. Between playing with my band, which takes up a lot of my time, and working to make the rest of the ends meet, I don't have a lot of time outside of that for anything else."
My heart sank and defeat settled in, but I tried to keep my voice light. "I understand. I don't expect you to hold to our date, but I appreciate that you called personally to cancel."
"I wasn't finished," he said. "I was trying to say that even though my schedule is a bit of an obstacle, I want to take you out, and I really enjoy spending time with you. I want to keep spending time with you. Last night was amazing, and believe me, I wanted to stay, but I felt you deserved better from me. I don't want you to think that I'm pursuing you simply because I want to sleep with you."
"But you do want to sleep with me, though," I teased.
Apparently, tact was not part of my vocabulary these days.
"Honestly?" he questioned.
"Yes, honestly," I answered.
"Very much so. You have no idea how much I didn't want to leave. The thing is, my parents taught me to treat a woman with respect. I'm certainly not implying I'm perfect, because I'm far from it. It's not as if I never got in trouble at school and home, because I did, but respecting someone is something I take to heart."
And just as if a switch had been flipped, his voice changed, low and seductive, melting over my skin like warm butter. "However, since we're laying everything out on the table, had we already been out on an official date, nothing would have been able to force me to leave."
I chuckled. "Oh, I see. So you're saying you would have rocked my world, right?"
Laughter resonated through the phone. "I definitely would have rocked your world.""Tease," I stated matter of fact.
The seductive drawl was eclipsed by a note of seriousness. "I was in no way teasing. I was stating fact, Darlin'."
I caught myself mid-whimper, then cleared my throat to recover. Unfortunately, he'd heard the noise I made. I knew he did because I could actually hear the smile turn up his lips over his stunted breathing. I needed to change the subject now, or plans would shift from enjoying a movie once our conversation was over to self-gratification.
"Okay, how about that date tomorrow night. What's on the agenda?"
He chuckled. I had no doubt now that my reaction was exactly what he'd aimed for. "Well, I had initially planned on inviting you over to my place for a candle light dinner. I was going to cook for you, but I thought maybe you'd prefer going out somewhere. Afterward, we could see a movie or go dancing. It's your choice."
"A home cooked meal sounds amazing," I chimed in. "I wouldn't really know, though, because I'm fail at cooking."
"A home cooked meal it is, then. Around seven?" he questioned.
"Seven sounds good." I nodded, though I knew he couldn't see me – it was a force of habit.
He gave me his address, and we talked a while longer. "Alright, Beautiful, I need to get some shut eye, but I'll see you tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to cooking for you."
"Okay," I said, yawning. "I'm pretty tired, too. I'll see you tomorrow night, Jasper. Sleep well."
"Goodnight, Gorgeous," he said before hanging up.
I placed the phone back on the receiver and padded sluggishly down the hallway, barefoot, to bed. It was no time before my eyelids were too heavy to open and consciousness drifted away, unchaining the fucking mirage of thoughts that I buried away while awake into a dream sequence of the man I should have already let go.

-OO-OO-

Most of Saturday consisted of really early spring cleaning… or really late, depending on how you looked at it. I needed something to distract my focus and pass the time. Foof even managed to get his much needed trimming, which required a damn weed whacker because his little Chia bush was thick.
By the time 5:30 rolled around, I was so emotionally amped. I'd managed to clean every area of my apartment… twice. And no, I'm not OCD.
This was the first actual date I'd had in I have no fucking clue how long, and I was really nervous about it. I liked Jasper, I was definitely attracted to him, but I suppose my nervousness centered around the fact that I knew what our date could lead to tonight, especially since we'd be in his apartment… alone.
I tried to still my rattled nerves and get myself presentable. I went with the casual look simply because that was my style. I wore a pair of faded jeans that settled low around my hips, a white short-sleeve cami top and a pair of brown strappy heels. The outfit was pretty chic looking.
After I finished my makeup and styled my hair – I left it down, but accentuated the curl with a little mousse - I grabbed my purse and headed to my car. The moment I sat in the driver's seat and started the car, I felt a lump form in my throat. I had so many emotions swirling through me, even guilt, making me feel like a tilt-a-whirl of emotions. Really, what the fuck did I have to be guilty for? I was single. So I shifted my car into reverse, pulled out of my designated parking spot and drove to Jasper's.
I pulled into the parking lot outside Jasper's apartment. The outside was red bricked, appearing to be three stories high, and a few stray bushes outlined the walkway to the main door.
I sat inside my car a few moments, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn't believe how nervous I was, but there was something else, something else I felt, and I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I wasn't even this nervous the moment I knew he was going to kiss me.
I finally managed to brave getting out of my car, then took slow steps toward the building. The night air was cool, and a gust of wind brushed off the trees before slamming into me rather abruptly. It was that gust of wind that forced me to walk more briskly into Jasper's building.
I could hear the wind knocking against the glass near the door, but when I climbed that first step, the wind silenced. It was such an oddity, and I wondered if maybe it was meant as a sign, pushing me to move quicker to whatever fate had planned for me. Maybe Jasper was the key to what my future held… and maybe I was just a damn idiot to sit here and mull over something like that when I hardly knew the man.
I cleared the last step and approached the door. I applied a few mild knocks, and it only seemed that seconds passed before he was standing in front of me, the door open so that I could walk in. My breath caught the moment I saw him. I'd already found him very attractive, but there was something about him tonight that stood out, something that screamed gorgeous.
He was dressed in a black long-sleeve button down shirt, a gray vest over the top and a pair of black jeans. His blonde wavy locks were a little tousled, but he looked amazing. He smiled widely, the blue of his eyes lighting up with the smile. His eyes raked up and down my figure before he spoke. "Bella, wow. You look beautiful. I'm speechless."
He reached for my hand, and I placed mine in his before he lightly tugged me inside. "You look rather amazing yourself."
He closed the door behind us and led me toward the kitchen, music was playing softly in the background. It was when we were standing near the counter, three barstools lined on the opposite side, that he released my hand. A delicious aroma was wafting through the air. A chicken entrée perhaps?
"Thank you, but I'd suffice to say that you outdid me on appearance." He shot me a wink. "Dinner will be ready in ten. If you'd like, I could give you a quick tour around my apartment. It's not an extravagant place, as I'm sure you can see, but it's home to me, so I'm good with it."
I nodded. "I'd like that."
He smiled at me, that gorgeous fucking smile, showing his dimples, making my heart pump faster in my chest. He reached for my hand once again, pulling me alongside him as we toured his place. It was nearly one big room, other than a short hall to the right that led to the bathroom, a few family pictures lining the white walls, and what I learned was the spare bedroom meant for guests when they visited. The spare room was pretty bare, having only a bed, a wooden nightstand with a small glass lamp and a dresser that held a twenty inch television on top of it.
Off the living room was a rather large balcony with French doors. He had a small table sitting against the far corner, two chairs with leaf patterns engraved in the wood surrounding it. Over the kitchen was his bedroom, a set of winding stairs leading up to his room was standing right before you entered the hallway. In the far corner of his living room, which was rather large, was what he referred to as a small studio for his music. Each room was marred with the clutter factor, but it certainly had great Feng Shui.
He finished showing me around, then we made our way back to the kitchen. I was standing on the opposite side of the counter near the barstools.
"See, not much to look at," he said. "Dinner should be ready now. If you wanna take a seat on one of the stools, I'll finish getting it prepared. I made chicken piccata with wild rice. It's just seasoned chicken with salt and pepper, then dredged in flour and lemon juice."
I took a seat on the barstool to the left. "It sounds delicious."
He prepared our plates, blanketing the entirety with wild rice before placing the chicken on top. He sat my plate in front of me before setting his next to mine. I waited until he sat down beside me before I attempted a bite. When that first piece entered my mouth, delicious flavor burst out along my tongue. My taste buds certainly weren't used to something this satisfying. I actually closed my eyes and moaned. He laughed in response.
"Good?" he asked.
"Very," I moaned around another bite.
While we ate, we discussed our days; mine was full of languid cleaning, his preparing for an upcoming concert at a local club for charity. It was during our conversation that I felt at ease and really allowed myself to enjoy being with him, the soft music in the background helped stage the mood.
We finished our meal, both of us looking to the other to make the first move on what to approach next. We pretty much answered with shy smiles until Jasper finally broke the silence that formed between us.
"So, what would you like to do next? We could go watch a movie or go dancing. Whatever you prefer to do?"
I stood from my chair, smiling at him, then placed both my hands in his, pulling him to his feet. "You know, I think dancing sounds like a great idea, but I'd prefer if we do it here. I mean, if that's not a problem. Believe it or not, I'm not really big on crowds. Plus, I love the peace and quiet this place holds."
"Of course," he said. "Right here or…?" He pointed toward the balcony.
"I don't think I'd mind a little bit of cool air." As crazy as it sounded, I honestly didn't.
"We'll probably be icicles by the time we come back inside," he teased.
"I know," I laughed.
He smiled, then led me toward the balcony, leaving the French doors wide open to be able to hear the music. Just as we halted at the center of the terrace, his arms wrapping around me, a new song began to play.

You are my angel

Come from way above

To bring me love

His left hand rested at the small of my back while the other remained entwined with mine. We moved slowly with the beat, our eyes holding the others in a searing gaze.

Her eyes

She's on the dark side

Neutralize

Every man in sight

Large drops of freezing rain began falling from the sky, slapping roughly against our bodies, drenching every inch of us, but somehow we kept in sync with the music. The rain was very chilly against my skin, but I relied on his body heat to keep me warm.

To love you, love you, love you ...

My clothing was plastered against my body, and water dripped from my limp hair down my face. His eyes lowered, severing the eye contact between us to travel down my soaked form. My nipples were hard underneath my clothing, mainly because of the weather, but also because of the way he stared at me. My shirt was white and now soaked, so I knew he'd be able to see through the thin fabric.

You are my angel

Come from way above

To love you, love you, love you ...

My heart was pounding heavily in my chest, and I barely realized a new song had begun. I barely recognized how cold I now was. I was so entranced by the moment.

I can't meet

Losing sleep over this

No I can't

And now I cannot stop pacing

Give me a few hours

I'll have this all sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still

I can be this unsturdy

This cannot be happening

This is over my head

But underneath my feet

Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy

My eyes averted to his mouth as his tongue swiped across his bottom lip, licking up the cool dampness. I couldn't help the notion to pull it between my lips and suck hard on it before I used my teeth to nibble on the silky flesh.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Been waiting for tomorrow

I'm somewhere in between

What is real

Just a dream

What is real

Just a dream

What is real

Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again

I don't want to run away from this

I know that I just don't need this

He seemed to sense what I wanted, so he dipped his head down toward mine, pressing his lips against my own. They were cool from the chilly air and rain, but they still felt good against mine. I parted my lips to allow his tongue entrance into my mouth. When I felt his tongue against my own, I instantly reveled in the taste of him.
The rain began to pour harder just as our kiss became more heated. It was almost as if our kiss permeated the rain, making its force that much stronger.

Cause I cannot stand still

I can be this unsturdy

This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Been waiting for tomorrow

And I'm somewhere in between

What is real

Just a dream

What is real

Just a dream

What is real

Just a dream

What is real just a dream

He pulled me flush against him, and I could hear the sticking noise our clothes made as he held me in a tight embrace. I moaned into his mouth at the feel of his chest against my own. Water droplets were becoming trapped between our mouths, but that fact didn't stop or slacken the movement of our lips.
Even through the wet clothing and cool air, my body was mostly heated from his touch. My hands instinctively went to his hair, carding my fingers through the dripping wet tendrils.
We pulled away briefly for air intake, but our lips hungrily sought connection again. Not breaking the kiss, his hands found their way underneath my upper thighs, hoisting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, the cold dampness of my clothing biting at my skin, as he carried me through the French doors toward his bedroom.
I guess some part of me knew this was where we'd end up tonight, even if it hadn't been planned out. I would wait for him, he'd wait for me, sleeping together didn't have to happen, but the moment just seemed to be right.
"I'm thinking it wasn't such a great idea to be outside," he teased against my lips.
I laughed in response, because he was right. Honestly, in most cases, chattering teeth really wasn't sexy, and we had certainly been on the verge of some serious teeth chattering. The sound of my laughter was swallowed up by his mouth as he began kissing me again.
I remained wrapped around him, our lips still pushing and pulling against each other's in a passionate fervor as he ascended the stairs. It was tricky, considering his view of the stairway was obscured because we were kissing, but he managed to get us to his room without being tripped up.
He sat us along the edge of the bed, my legs still around his waist, making the fact that he was hard underneath me conspicuous.
I ground my hips down against him, causing him to groan into my mouth. He pulled his mouth from mine, staring back at me under hooded lids and thick lashes. His hands grasped the bottom of my shirt while his eyes silently pleaded permission to remove it from my body. I nodded, and he slowly lifted the shirt up over my head, throwing it to the floor.
I reciprocated his actions, tossing his vest then shirt next to mine. My eyes cast downward to take him in. His body wasn't vast in size, but there was obvious definition to the muscles. He was pretty cut.
I wanted to touch him, so I ran one set of fingers across the sinewy muscles of his arms. He groaned as my fingers began trailing along his toned chest right down to the firm abs that had been hidden under his shirt.
He pulled me tightly against him, pressing his lips to my collar bone and working his way up across the flesh of my neck, occasionally grazing his teeth in places, until his lips met mine. It certainly hadn't escaped my notice that my skin was now on fire at all the places he touched.
He brought one of his hands to my bra, unclasping it while the other was fisted into my hair. He removed my bra slowly, the straps rubbing against my hypersensitive skin as they fell down my arms. By now, I was aching to feel him, especially since his erection was pressed against my sex, and I was able to feel how much harder he now was.
My mind was screaming at him to touch me, and I silently willed him to do so. He must have sensed my unspoken pleas because his fingers lightly ghosted across my now exposed breasts. He repeated this action several times before he finally palmed them one at a time in his hands, massaging the flesh around them, then pulling my taut nipples between his fingers, rolling them between his thumb and forefinger. His eyes were on my face, gauging my reaction to his touch.
I rolled my hips against him, and his hands instantly grasped my waist, grinding me down harder over his length.
"Bella," he groaned. "You have no idea how bad I want to be with you right now."
I was practically suffocating on desire. I needed Jasper in the worst way. I needed him to fill the void within me because I'd felt so fucking empty and lonely for so long. I needed him and his touch to erase the memory of a man I shouldn't want.
I'd wasted months over a man that could never want me or be with me the way I needed, a man I had one night with and didn't really know, yet still managed to ridiculously pine for. I wanted something real for me, and this was my chance to have that. I really wanted to try with Jasper.
This moment, I felt, was the catalyst to moving forward. I was going to erase Edward's touch with Jasper's, erase Edward's memory with Jasper's.
"I want to be with you, too," I whispered.
My declaration was all he needed to proceed.
Both his hands were on my jeans, his mouth on mine, before I even finished blinking to unbutton them. He slowly lowered the zipper, pushing the fabric away on both sides before snaking one hand down the front of my jeans. I lifted my hips slightly off his lap to allow him better access. When he reached my very wet and very aroused sex, he pushed my panties aside, grazing his fingers along my slick skin.
"God, Bella. I can't even…" He trailed off against my lips, groaning.
He pushed a finger inside me, then retreated it from my body, teasing me. I felt the loss of his touch and whimpered for it to return. His finger sought out my entrance again, pushing inside me. He pulled back again, but never entirely left my body. He then added a second finger.
"Feel good?" His voice was lower, thick with lust.
"Yes," I moaned. "Don't stop."
He began pushing deeper and harder into me with every thrust back into my body. I gripped his shoulders for leverage, grinding down upon his fingers to meet his thrusts. He finally curled them upward, seeking out the place that would bring me the most pleasure. I cried out the moment his fingers grazed the sensitive spot inside me, for it brought on my orgasm.
My muscles clamped down around his fingers, sending starbursts of pleasure rippling through my body that I hadn't felt in months. I had needed this release, but I could tell I wasn't quite sated yet. When the post orgasmic haze cleared my vision, my fingers moved deftly to the button of his jeans to free the part of him that my body really craved.
I managed to remove his jeans and was just about to discard his boxers from his body when a loud knock sounded at the door. The sound startled me, causing me to nearly jump off of him. He continued to lie on the bed, running his hands over his face and through his hair, frustration emanated from him.
"Are you going to get that? I'm sure whoever it is hears the music downstairs."
He sat up, obviously annoyed.
"Damn it," he growled. He slipped his pants back on, but grabbed a dry t-shirt from his closet. "I'm sorry about this. I wasn't expecting any company."
I had already managed to put my bra back on and was now placing my still very wet shirt back onto my body. "It's alright. It happens sometimes."
I was disappointed, yes, but I couldn't fault him.
He bound down the stairs, I followed behind. Agitation was rolling off him in waves, and it was obvious in the movements he made. He opened the door and before he had time to say anything, a man strolled past him. I recognized him to be one of his band mates, Peter. "Jazz, I've got to talk to you."
He spoke with an edge to his voice. "Can't this wait, Peter? I have company."
He pointed toward me, and I immediately crossed my hands over my chest to conceal what I knew would be visible underneath the water soaked material.
Peter looked between Jasper and I, apologetic. "I'm really sorry, man. I had no idea you'd be having company. I really need to talk to you, though. It's important. I'd come back if it could wait. It concerns our latest gig."
"Do we have to talk right this second? I'm on a date with Bella, and-"
"It's okay, Jasper," I told him, grasping his arm. "We can rain check the rest of the date for another time."
He gazed down at me. "We shouldn't have to rain check."
"Really, it's okay. He needs you."
Jasper sighed heavily, his fingers running through his hair as he faced Peter. "Give me a minute. In the meantime, go sit down. I'll be there after I walk her out."
I strode over to the counter, grabbed my purse and followed Jasper out the door. When he closed the door behind us, he reached for my hand. "Bella, I'm really sorry about this. I don't know what to say other than I'd like a chance to make this up to you."
I smiled widely and cleared the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck. "It's alright. Whatever is going on concerns your band, and it's something that needs your attention now. I can wait, and I will wait. I like being with you, Jasper, but I understand you have obligations that come first. I won't ask you to change that for me. There will be another time for us."
His arms encircled my waist, pulling me against him, making it appear as if we were joined together. His lips found mine, kissing me with an intensity that nearly buckled my knees. "If it's not too late when he leaves, I'll call you. Otherwise, it'll be tomorrow. Again, I'm sorry about this. But like I said, I will make it up to you."
He kissed me once more, chastely, before entering his apartment.
I stood in the hallway, briefly, trying to swallow the disappointment. Once again, the loneliness reared its ugly head, and I wondered if this wasn't simply a foreboding that I was meant to be alone.

TUS - Chapter Four: Home Again

I choked back a sob as I replied in a withered voice, "I'll be back…Edward."
"Your light," he whispered. "D-don't…forget it." The entire time I'd been here - I wasn't sure of how long that was - that was the most he'd spoken to me, and it was while I was leaving him. I should have felt elated because it was more than two words, but the tone in his voice - the defeat - marred my emotions further. He had abandoned any belief of my returning, and no matter how much I professed otherwise, he wouldn't believe me unless I did come back. I couldn't help but wonder now, because of his doubtful disposition, how many times he must have been forgotten by others.
Of course, because my head was cast down, I could see the flashlight lying on the ground in the corner near the doorway, see that it was indeed mine. I bent down, and my trembling hands gripped around the cold, metal handle, pulling it to my chest as I stood upright.
Taking the final steps from that room was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. And honestly, I still had yet to understand why my feelings toward this man had shifted a one hundred eighty degree interval. I was still waiting to understand that change in me, but what I did understand, and very well, was I didn't want to leave him. Getting back here wouldn't come soon enough.
I clicked the flashlight on and beamed the light ahead of me. I was walking tediously down a long, narrow and winding corridor, and the room in which Edward had me in seemed to be the only one down this hall. Not that I was familiar with any aspect of this hospital, but I didn't recognize where I was at all. I almost wanted to turn around and ask him directions, but I figured doing so might do more harm than good, and there was always the possibility he wouldn't answer anyway.
The further down the hall I moved, the more condensed the mustiness became, but I could also see light underneath the door. What struck me odd was the fact that the light never danced across the floor, as if reflected off a flashlight; it was a fixed illumination. I just assumed it had been a good long while since this place had ever seen electricity or the means to. Yet, my curious mind wanted to know the source of the light.
I pulled at the door, struggling to open it because the weight of it felt as if I were pulling against steel, and as I opened it, I noticed the doorway was curtained by a large blanket. But the moment I stepped around the blanket - in what appeared to be a boiler room - I paused, mouth agape, eyes wide. There was a small work area adjacent to where I stood, littered with empty cafeteria trays that, oddly enough, looked recently used. And there sitting on top of the work bench was a lamp, actually plugged into a working outlet.
I walked over toward the bench to inspect it further. There were a few empty pop cans near the trays, even some used sporks; freshly used. There was obviously one of two possibilities; either Edward left the hospital and purchased his own food – and the possibility of that did not seem plausible – or someone knew he was here and was feeding him.
I gasped inwardly at that thought, a plethora of questions flooding my mind.
Did someone really know he was here?
Why would they allow him to stay here, knowing how unhealthy it was?
Were they forcing him to stay here?
How safe would he be if I left right now?
They'd obviously been feeding him, because he certainly didn't look malnutritioned, and feeding him steady meals wasn't conducive to harming him, considering they could simply starve him to death. Nothing about Edward or what was happening behind the walls of this hospital made sense to me. And that fact terrified and intrigued me all the same.
There were so many unanswered questions congregating within my mind - questions I really wanted to know the answers to - but as much as I wanted to know them, I still had to go home first. I glanced around the room, looking for an exit, but the only thing I noticed was a set of winding stairs. I started toward them, moving uneasily due to my lack of being graceful.
I took each step in slow stride because I was unsure where they may lead, but they seemed to be the only way out of the boiler room. When I reached the door at the top, I grasped the handle and pushed open, finding it a lot easier than the previous door.
I stepped through the doorway into a small room that was equivalent in size to a mop closet. There were old metal stands on either side - outdated cleaning solutions lined the shelves of the one closest to where I stood, concealing the door leading to the boiler room - practically swallowing up the entire room because of its small size. I hmphed under my breath when I realized this room was in fact a mop closet, one that effectively eclipsed the boiler room.
As I opened the closet door, flashing my light ahead of me, I immediately recognized where I was; I was on the basement floor, opposite the end where the room I first saw Edward was. If this closet resided at the far end of the basement floor, how did Edward manage to get me here without Jess seeing? That is, if Jess was actually still waiting for me. I didn't want to believe she could just leave me behind like that, but I realized the probability of that was a strong one, considering. I'd definitely be finding out the answer to that one later.
I turned around, facing the door as I closed it, whispering, "I'll be back, Edward." as I did so. I lingered with my hands against the door a few more seconds before I headed left until I reached the stairs, which served as a halfway point in the hall. I took them to the second level, where the exit was located.
Knowing Charlie, I expected police cars to be surrounding the building, or at the very least, people searching the premises. But when I exited that building, there was no one waiting for me, no one searching.
How long had I been at the hospital?
Had anyone looked for me at all?
The closest place to go was Alice's, so I walked the ten minutes it took to get there. I knocked on the door approximately two times before it was yanked open, and I heard a rather resonant scream, followed by tiny arms wrapped around my neck in a grasp that left me breathless.
"Oh, my God, Bella," Alice cried. "Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you."
"Alice," I gasped. "Let go…so I can…breathe."
She stepped back, tears flagrant upon her cheeks, and pulled me inside the house toward the living room. "Where have you been?" No sooner had she asked, she yelled to her mom, who quickly joined us and enveloped me in a motherly embrace; Alice continued her questioning. "What happened to you? We looked everywhere for you. Your dad has been out of his mind with worry. Did someone take you? Were you-"
"Alice," I interrupted. "I can't answer if you won't let me." I sat down across from her while Esme sat beside me, holding my hand as I regaled what had happened….well, minus all that included Edward, along with a few other embellishments. I was still unsure what to do about him yet. "I just got startled from the noise, so I hid in a closet. You know me and my balance, so backing up wasn't such a good idea. I ended up tripping over something along the floor and fell, hitting my head in the process. I'm sorry I worried everyone. How long was I gone?"
"Twenty-four hours," Esme answered.
"Jessica Stanley came barreling up to the third floor where Jasper and I were, carrying on like a lunatic. She said she heard you cry out, but when we went back to where she said you were, we didn't find you. We were sure someone had taken you," Alice explained. That certainly answered the question pertaining to Jess.
"You need to call your father," Esme ratified. "He needs to know you're alright."
I nodded as she handed me the phone. I dialed home, and it barely rang once before Charlie answered. "Hello," he said in a rush. I'd never heard him so panicked.
"Dad, it's me. It's Bella."
"Bells," he exhaled in relief. "Are you…are you okay? Where are you?"
"I'm okay, Dad. I'm at Alice's," I told him. "I just…I got a little spooked and hid in a closet, but then I tripped over something and hit my head. Alice says I was gone for a day."
"You were," he choked out. Moments like these, where Charlie's emotion was appreciable, were rare ones, but he made no effort to hide how affected he'd been. "I was…I was terrified something happened to you, Bella. I searched up and down that hospital, me and some of the other town folk, so I don't know how I missed you if you were hidden in a closet. But when I couldn't find you, I-" he paused. "I'm coming to get you right now. We're going to the hospital to have you checked out, then I'm bringing you home."
I bit back the tears, partially because I hated lying to him – a lie that was rather flimsy- but also because I hated hearing how broken down my absence made him. "Okay, dad," I whispered.
"I'll be right there," he said, and then there was silence on the other end of the phone. I excused myself to the restroom, something I'd been waiting hours to do, while I waited for him.
Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting inside Charlie's cruiser on my way to the hospital. "How's the head, Kiddo? You doing okay?"
"Dad, I'm fine," I chuckled. "I'd feel better if I could just get home in my own bed. I think an icepack would be good enough. I don't need to see a doctor."
"Bella," he started; his tone authoritative. "You're going. The way I see it, you gave your old man quite a scare, so the least you can do is go see Dr. Cullen and have him look at that head of yours. I realize you hate hospitals, but I'd feel better all the same if I knew you were okay."
I sighed. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"
He shook his head. "Nope."
"How's Emmett?" I asked. "Does he know that I-"
"He does," Charlie interrupted. "He wanted to come, but I told him to stay home. He came with me to search for you. We'd barely been home an hour when you called. We weren't giving up."
"I'm sorry, Dad."
"I'm just glad you're okay, Bells. That's all that matters."
As soon as we entered the hospital, Mrs. Ramshaw, the ER registration secretary, acknowledged us. "Hey, Charlie. Bella, it's good to see you're okay. "
I bit into my lip. "Thanks."
She smiled then her eyes averted to Charlie. "I already have the paperwork started. I just need your signature." Charlie eyed her curiously. "Oh, Mrs. Cullen called ahead, letting Dr. Cullen know about Bella, and that you were bringing her in to be examined."
Charlie nodded his appreciation. "Okay, thanks, Pam."
I had just taken a seat in the waiting area when the triage nurse called me back. She took my vitals, briefly glanced at the contusion - as she called it – asked me how I received the injury, what my pain level rated on a scale of one to ten, then took me back to a room.
When Dr. Cullen arrived at my examining room, I once again had to reiterate what happened at the old hospital. Yet this time when I told the story of my injury, I received a different reaction. Of course, the look within his eyes was fleeting, but I could tell that somehow he knew I was hiding something, that he could see how transparent I was, even though I was trying not to be.
But he didn't ask questions, never let on that he believed anything more than what I told him. He simply ordered a CT scan, concluded that the contusion on the back of my skull led to a minor concussion, and I was to rest in bed for the next few days. He sent me home with a list of normal side effects, along with what to watch out for that would require me coming back to the hospital. But overall, he believed I'd be fine, that it was nothing to worry about.
Needless to say, the moment we entered my front door, I went straight to my room to grab clothing so I could take a shower. Just as I stepped over the threshold of my bedroom door, I was engulfed in giant arms, my feet dangling from the ground as my brother wrapped me in a bear hug. "Emmett," I gulped, trying to catch my breath. "My head…is going to…pop off."
"Sorry, Bells," he replied, placing me back on my feet. "I'm just glad to see you home."
"I see that," I laughed.
"You're okay, though, right?" he asked. "The doc gave you a clean bill of health and all?"
"I'm fine," I nodded. "There's nothing out of the ordinary. Concussions are a cakewalk," I teased.
"You had us worried, you know? I never should have let you go in that place." His guise held so much guilt, like he blamed himself for my being hurt. "You being equilibrium challenged and all that, I should have stopped you from going in there, or at least taken you with me. If I would-"
"Emmett, stop," I interjected. "I'm a big girl, and I made the decision to go. It's nobody's fault, okay? It was just a stupid accident." I gripped his hand in mine. "Really, if anyone is to blame, it's me. I knew better than to go into a place like that, especially since I'm 'equilibrium challenged', but I chose to anyway. It's done, it's over, I'm home, and right this minute, I just want to take a shower."
He laughed, then squeezed my hand before letting it go. "Yeah, you do stink."
"Thanks," I scoffed, mockingly. "I feel the love."
I could still hear him laughing as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I discarded the clothing from my body, set the shower as hot as my body could handle, and climbed inside, washing away the dirt that had accumulated over my skin in the last twenty-four hours. But the only thing I could think about as the water pelted against my back was green eyes and the person they belonged to.
After I finished dressing, I grabbed a quick sandwich, seeing as there wasn't an actual meal made because I had not been home to cook one, then headed to bed. I laid there in my bed, my body relaxed, but my mind busy. I was happy to be home, yes, but only a part of me was. I was also feeling a bit indifferent about it, because there was somewhere else I wanted to be a little bit more. I knew without question that the only reason I left at all was to assure my family and friends I was alright. If I could go back now, without Charlie knowing, I would. And I still had no idea why, what the pull was to Edward. I knew nothing about him at all, other than he seemed so riven. Maybe that in itself was the appeal. Regardless, I'd return to that hospital…tomorrow.
I woke around ten, after nearly tossing and turning most the night. It's not easy to sleep when your mind refuses to steel itself against unremitting thoughts. I changed out of my old sweats and oversized t-shirt, putting on a pair of jeans and a short sleeve v-neck, then brushed my hair, careful not to brush against my wound. I padded downstairs, only to find that I was the only one home. How much easier could this be?
I found a note from Charlie lying on the counter, saying he'd gone to work early but if I needed anything to call him. Emmett had football camp and work, so he wouldn't be home until later in the evening. I wasted no time as I crumpled up the note, throwing it into the trash, then proceeded to gather up some sandwiches for Edward and I, along with two thermoses full of apple juice.
I threw everything, including my flashlight and a thermal blanket, into my tote bag, then headed out to my truck. Yeah, it was an old beater - a 1953 Chevrolet Pickup – but she was still going strong.
When I arrived at the hospital, I pulled around back, making sure to conceal my truck as much as possible. Seeing as it was light out, it would be a lot easier to spot; especially since it's red. I threw my door open, grabbed my tote bag, and walked at a brisk pace toward the broken entryway of the hospital.
As soon as I was inside, I gripped my flashlight, flicked it on and started for the stairway. Once I made it to the basement floor, I turned right, heading toward the tiny closet that led to the boiler room. After I reached the closet door, I briefly flashed my light down the hall, making sure I wasn't being followed. It may have been laughable, but I was still being cautionary. I had yet to decide on whether I was going to tell anyone about Edward, and I certainly didn't want it happening as a surprise to us both.
I entered the closet, tote held in front of me so I could move easily through the small space, then pulled the door open leading to the boiler room. I descended the stairs, my heart thudding in anticipation the closer I came to the room I knew he'd be in.
And just as I reached the blanketed door, blanket still gripped in my hand, I heard a voice behind me. "You came back."
The voice was not Edward's.