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Chapter 4: Battlefield
Playing God
You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror
If God's the game that you're playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in
You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you
I felt suspended in time, stuck right in the middle of an Edward Cullen inflicted Hell. That smug expression of his was still intact. He had to know he was breaking me down. How could he not? I knew it was visible on my face.
I barely registered the people around me. My entire body felt numb except for the hand that clutched at the collar of my turtleneck, as if doing so would help shield me somehow. My vision tunneled, obstructing everything around me but him. I wanted to look away so badly. I even attempted moving because of the screaming inside my head that told me to, but my neck muscles were apparently so strained and unyielding, I couldn't.
His left eyebrow lifted as he stared at me, baiting me to challenge him. It was like he was begging me to. It was so obvious he wanted some kind of altercation between us. I knew people could be cruel, seen it up close and personal before, but nothing compared to what I was experiencing now. I'd never hated anyone before, but in this moment, I hated Edward Cullen.
Through the midst of anxiety, I somehow managed to hear the tiny voice beside me. "I happen to like turtlenecks. I think they look good on you, Bella."
No one at this table knew the significance of my turtlenecks, but could easily understand something about the subject affected me – which was why Alice was trying to save me from his taunting.
"I didn't ask you, Alice." His tone was even, but the warning within his words for her to mind her own business was unmistakable.
"I was just-"
His eyes cut in her direction, finally releasing me from their suffocating grip. She immediately went silent, and I could see her flinch from my peripherals. It confounded me how it was possible for one person to hold that much power over another by a look.
Your fear gives him that power, my inner voice reprimanded. Stand up for yourself. Don't give him that control.
Before I had time to really mull over the words inside my head, another voice spoke up.
"Are we really gonna talk about turtlenecks and shit for the remainder of lunch?" Emmett asked, his laughter slicing through the tension. "That's about as interesting to me as Newton's dick." Mike flipped Emmett off while the others laughed. But me, I wanted to kiss Emmett's face off for interrupting.
Edward's brow furrowed as he glanced down at the table, his expression now one of disinterest. "Whatever," he murmured. "I don't care." He pushed his chair out roughly, then stood up and walked away, leaving his tray on the table.
I exhaled loudly in relief and all talking around the table ceased while nine sets of eyes instantly fell on me, making me once again the center of attention. Alice went to speak, but I stood quickly, needing to get away. "I have to go to my locker before class," I uttered in a voice I didn't even recognize. It was empty, void of emotion. Of course, my words were a complete lie, but I did need to leave. Whispering began the moment I started moving away from the table.
There they went, trying to figure me out. But what else did I really expect? I gave them a reason to. I was the insignificant girl freaking out about a fucking turtleneck.
I hastily returned my tray and exited the lunchroom, heading straight to the girl's bathroom. Lunch was still going so luckily no one was in there at the time. I walked to the last stall and pushed the door open, shutting myself inside. My God, how I wanted this entire stall to wrap me up and blanket me.
I pressed my back against the cold metal door, my head bowing forward as a sob tore from my chest. I cried tears of anger at Edward and myself, tears of devastation, but mostly tears of longing to be like everyone else. I could handle anything he threw at me, anything but what he did today. I hated this weakness. I hated that I let him get to me, but it was like he could see inside my soul, see what could hurt me, and he used that as a weapon to tear me down into the sobbing mess I was.
I gripped the hem of my turtleneck, wanting to rip it apart for making me so transparent to him. It was stupid to blame a piece of clothing, my mind knew this, but I wore it as a form of armor and it failed me. It was a means to protect myself, make me feel for a short time that I could appear just like everyone else, that I could fit in. I could even be pretty like the girls with perfect bodies and perfect hearts that were always theirs.
Charlie and Renee kept telling me how appreciative I should be to have a second chance, because they were certainly appreciative, but they couldn't possibly understand what I felt; especially when I looked at myself. They told me I was beautiful, but they were my parents, they had to. It came with the job description. But to someone who didn't know me to see this scar that marred my flesh and illustrated my limitations, my difference to them, that I was damaged… it wasn't beautiful. Who could possibly want me like this?
I felt like I was being hypocritical because I hated the pity someone gave me when they learned the truth about me. I just wanted to be treated like a regular girl. Yet, here I was, basically pitying myself for something that couldn't be changed, because I knew as much as I wanted to be treated like a regular girl, people wouldn't. Once they knew, that was it, I was treated as breakable.
But I couldn't look at myself and feel anything but disgust. I hated what this scar represented, and I hated how much it changed someone's view of me when they finally knew about it. And I really hated how vulnerable it made me to Edward Cullen. Jesus, I handled remarks about having a baboon heart and it didn't affect me like this. But him, making comments about my turtleneck, and I was a complete wreck.
I slammed the heel of my shoe against the door, angry all over again. I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hand, growling out my frustrations, but halted the moment I heard voices inside the bathroom.
What are you gonna do?
Are you just going to let him win?
You gonna let these other girls hear you like this?
I glanced down at my watch. I had a choice to make. Stay or go.
I had to go now if I was going to make it to class on time. Going to class now, he'd know I'd been crying, but if I were to be late or not show up, well, that would be more control I'd be handing over. I stood there, breathing in and out. And the more I thought about what he'd done, the way he'd been treating me since I moved here, the more my spine steeled. No, I'd given him too much power already. I was done letting Edward Cullen hurt me.
I finished wiping my eyes and opened the door, passing two occupied stalls. I walked over to the sink and turned the cold water on, then splashed a little on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror for a couple seconds, watching droplets of water trailing down my blotchy skin in uneven patterns.
Don't let him break you, Bella.
I nodded to myself, grabbing paper towel to dry my face, then left the bathroom with my books in hand to Biology.
He was already seated when I walked through the door, and I very nearly hesitated once I stepped inside the room, but somehow my mind forced me to continue moving toward my seat in an effort to prevent any further humiliation. I thought back to what I decided in the bathroom and steeled myself further. Luckily, doing so thwarted looking at him from triggering me to shut down. And as much as I tried to avoid it, I could still see him and see he wasn't really paying attention to me. But if he was looking at me, he was doing a good job of camouflaging it.
I sat down in my seat, holding my head up, keeping my body straight. I placed my books on the table and looked ahead, focusing on what Mr. Banner was saying. I heard Edward sigh to the left of me. I wasn't sure if it was meant to distract me or otherwise, but I ignored him, keeping my concentration in front of me.
"Many aren't aware, but it's been a debated topic, and because I'd discussed it quite thoroughly with fellow peers, we'll go off regular topic today and discuss it amongst us." Mr. Banner took a few tentative steps away from the blackboard, his enthusiastic eyes scanning the classroom of faces staring back at him.
Edward snorted in response, obviously not sharing the same enthusiasm, and Mr. Banner's eyes locked right on him. "Well, Mr. Cullen, how liberating you grace us with the knowledge of your presence. I can only take that to mean you know the answer, then." Mr. Banner's hands clasped together in front of him as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "So, is it fact that the cat species is going extinct?"
Edward laughed at the question, then leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms against his chest. "As difficult as that question might be, I'd have to say that's a false statement." His expression was smug, arrogance exuding every word he spoke. "Of course, you can ask the nine cats living under my house if you need verification." Somehow, I believed he answered the way he did just to dig at Mr. Banner.
I could actually see smoke filtering out of Mr. Banner's ears, his face turning red with ire. His mouth opened, obviously to reprimand Edward when I raised my hand. This was not something I normally did, but I wanted to personally wipe that smug expression off Edward's face. Both he and Mr. Banner glanced right at me, and as angry as Mr. Banner still appeared, he nodded at me.
"I disagree with Edward." I stressed on his name, making my dislike for him quite palpable. "Cat species are going instinct. In fact, the black-footed, kodkod and bay are just three of the smaller endangered wild cat species. There are actually thirty-seven species of wild cat in the world today." I turned my head, narrowing my eyes as I met Edward's heated gaze. "I'm not a cat whisperer like Mr. Cullen here, but I'm sure if he went home chatting up those nine cats of his, they'd agree with me."
Laughter broke out around the room. And as Mr. Banner fought to quiet everything down, Edward and I were locked in a visual duel.
His eyes burned brighter and his lip began twitching as his jaw tensed. I could actually hear his teeth grinding together under the strain. Oh, he was pissed. But I honestly didn't care. Suck it up, Cullen. I'm finished with you intimidating me. I refused to look away, refused to budge. It finally registered sometime during our stare down that I wasn't backing down because his lips lifted on one side and he smirked at me, though I clearly understood what he was saying in that smirk. "This is far from over." I smirked back my response. "Bring it."
Through the remainder of my classes, my mood improved drastically. I felt pretty empowered. And, of course, after last period class, I wasn't surprised to find Alice waiting at my locker.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.
"Yeah," I told her. "I need to grab some things out of my locker, then you can walk me to my truck if you want."
She nodded. "Okay."
I waited for her to speak, but she just stood beside me, so I encouraged her by speaking first. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I'm sorry about what happened at lunch," she blurted out. "I could tell you were really upset."
I stopped rummaging through my locker and faced her. I sighed heavily before speaking. "Look, I know how it looked. I know what you must be thinking, I just… I can't get into that right now, okay? So please don't ask me to."
She nodded again, like she understood exactly where I was coming from. "I won't, but I needed you to know that I was sorry. Your personal life is your business and what Edward did was wrong."
"It was," I agreed. I closed my locker and motioned with my head toward the doors. I started talking again as we moved. "I'm just… it got to me. I know everyone saw that, so I freely admit it, but that's obviously what he wanted. I don't know why he's singled me out, but I'm not going to let him do it again. I honestly don't know how you put up with him."
Her face fell, her voice exuding sadness. "He wasn't always this way, Bella. I know that's probably hard to believe, but he wasn't. He had… something happened that changed him." We pushed through the doors and made our way outside. "We keep trying to reach him, and sometimes I think I see a flicker of my brother in there, but it disappears as quickly as it came. It hurts, you know, knowing how he was before and seeing him like this now.
"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't remember." Her pain and longing made me ache for her. Our pain was caused by different reasons, but I knew how she felt more than she realized. "Dad somehow thinks it's his fault, like maybe he should be doing more than he is. How can he? Edward won't talk to him. Edward won't tell anyone how he feels about what happened." She paused again as we reached my truck. "He has night terrors." I gazed down at the damp cement, having no idea how to process everything she was telling me or why she was even telling me something so personal. I disliked Edward, but I felt like I was violating him somehow by listening to private things about him. "He has every night since… Every night we find him in front of the couch, reliving what happened to his mom." My head lifted, my mouth opening to question what she meant by 'his mom', but she stared at me with tears in her eyes and I couldn't do it. I swiftly closed my mouth, swallowing down the questions that formulated within my brain. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bella."
She was falling apart in front of me, and the only thing I could offer, which was something I wasn't used to doing, was to wrap my arms around her and hug her, telling her to have faith. If only I could believe my own words.
"Are we really gonna talk about turtlenecks and shit for the remainder of lunch?" Emmett asked, his laughter slicing through the tension. "That's about as interesting to me as Newton's dick." Mike flipped Emmett off while the others laughed. But me, I wanted to kiss Emmett's face off for interrupting.
Edward's brow furrowed as he glanced down at the table, his expression now one of disinterest. "Whatever," he murmured. "I don't care." He pushed his chair out roughly, then stood up and walked away, leaving his tray on the table.
I exhaled loudly in relief and all talking around the table ceased while nine sets of eyes instantly fell on me, making me once again the center of attention. Alice went to speak, but I stood quickly, needing to get away. "I have to go to my locker before class," I uttered in a voice I didn't even recognize. It was empty, void of emotion. Of course, my words were a complete lie, but I did need to leave. Whispering began the moment I started moving away from the table.
There they went, trying to figure me out. But what else did I really expect? I gave them a reason to. I was the insignificant girl freaking out about a fucking turtleneck.
I hastily returned my tray and exited the lunchroom, heading straight to the girl's bathroom. Lunch was still going so luckily no one was in there at the time. I walked to the last stall and pushed the door open, shutting myself inside. My God, how I wanted this entire stall to wrap me up and blanket me.
I pressed my back against the cold metal door, my head bowing forward as a sob tore from my chest. I cried tears of anger at Edward and myself, tears of devastation, but mostly tears of longing to be like everyone else. I could handle anything he threw at me, anything but what he did today. I hated this weakness. I hated that I let him get to me, but it was like he could see inside my soul, see what could hurt me, and he used that as a weapon to tear me down into the sobbing mess I was.
I gripped the hem of my turtleneck, wanting to rip it apart for making me so transparent to him. It was stupid to blame a piece of clothing, my mind knew this, but I wore it as a form of armor and it failed me. It was a means to protect myself, make me feel for a short time that I could appear just like everyone else, that I could fit in. I could even be pretty like the girls with perfect bodies and perfect hearts that were always theirs.
Charlie and Renee kept telling me how appreciative I should be to have a second chance, because they were certainly appreciative, but they couldn't possibly understand what I felt; especially when I looked at myself. They told me I was beautiful, but they were my parents, they had to. It came with the job description. But to someone who didn't know me to see this scar that marred my flesh and illustrated my limitations, my difference to them, that I was damaged… it wasn't beautiful. Who could possibly want me like this?
I felt like I was being hypocritical because I hated the pity someone gave me when they learned the truth about me. I just wanted to be treated like a regular girl. Yet, here I was, basically pitying myself for something that couldn't be changed, because I knew as much as I wanted to be treated like a regular girl, people wouldn't. Once they knew, that was it, I was treated as breakable.
But I couldn't look at myself and feel anything but disgust. I hated what this scar represented, and I hated how much it changed someone's view of me when they finally knew about it. And I really hated how vulnerable it made me to Edward Cullen. Jesus, I handled remarks about having a baboon heart and it didn't affect me like this. But him, making comments about my turtleneck, and I was a complete wreck.
I slammed the heel of my shoe against the door, angry all over again. I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hand, growling out my frustrations, but halted the moment I heard voices inside the bathroom.
What are you gonna do?
Are you just going to let him win?
You gonna let these other girls hear you like this?
I glanced down at my watch. I had a choice to make. Stay or go.
I had to go now if I was going to make it to class on time. Going to class now, he'd know I'd been crying, but if I were to be late or not show up, well, that would be more control I'd be handing over. I stood there, breathing in and out. And the more I thought about what he'd done, the way he'd been treating me since I moved here, the more my spine steeled. No, I'd given him too much power already. I was done letting Edward Cullen hurt me.
I finished wiping my eyes and opened the door, passing two occupied stalls. I walked over to the sink and turned the cold water on, then splashed a little on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror for a couple seconds, watching droplets of water trailing down my blotchy skin in uneven patterns.
Don't let him break you, Bella.
I nodded to myself, grabbing paper towel to dry my face, then left the bathroom with my books in hand to Biology.
He was already seated when I walked through the door, and I very nearly hesitated once I stepped inside the room, but somehow my mind forced me to continue moving toward my seat in an effort to prevent any further humiliation. I thought back to what I decided in the bathroom and steeled myself further. Luckily, doing so thwarted looking at him from triggering me to shut down. And as much as I tried to avoid it, I could still see him and see he wasn't really paying attention to me. But if he was looking at me, he was doing a good job of camouflaging it.
I sat down in my seat, holding my head up, keeping my body straight. I placed my books on the table and looked ahead, focusing on what Mr. Banner was saying. I heard Edward sigh to the left of me. I wasn't sure if it was meant to distract me or otherwise, but I ignored him, keeping my concentration in front of me.
"Many aren't aware, but it's been a debated topic, and because I'd discussed it quite thoroughly with fellow peers, we'll go off regular topic today and discuss it amongst us." Mr. Banner took a few tentative steps away from the blackboard, his enthusiastic eyes scanning the classroom of faces staring back at him.
Edward snorted in response, obviously not sharing the same enthusiasm, and Mr. Banner's eyes locked right on him. "Well, Mr. Cullen, how liberating you grace us with the knowledge of your presence. I can only take that to mean you know the answer, then." Mr. Banner's hands clasped together in front of him as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "So, is it fact that the cat species is going extinct?"
Edward laughed at the question, then leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms against his chest. "As difficult as that question might be, I'd have to say that's a false statement." His expression was smug, arrogance exuding every word he spoke. "Of course, you can ask the nine cats living under my house if you need verification." Somehow, I believed he answered the way he did just to dig at Mr. Banner.
I could actually see smoke filtering out of Mr. Banner's ears, his face turning red with ire. His mouth opened, obviously to reprimand Edward when I raised my hand. This was not something I normally did, but I wanted to personally wipe that smug expression off Edward's face. Both he and Mr. Banner glanced right at me, and as angry as Mr. Banner still appeared, he nodded at me.
"I disagree with Edward." I stressed on his name, making my dislike for him quite palpable. "Cat species are going instinct. In fact, the black-footed, kodkod and bay are just three of the smaller endangered wild cat species. There are actually thirty-seven species of wild cat in the world today." I turned my head, narrowing my eyes as I met Edward's heated gaze. "I'm not a cat whisperer like Mr. Cullen here, but I'm sure if he went home chatting up those nine cats of his, they'd agree with me."
Laughter broke out around the room. And as Mr. Banner fought to quiet everything down, Edward and I were locked in a visual duel.
His eyes burned brighter and his lip began twitching as his jaw tensed. I could actually hear his teeth grinding together under the strain. Oh, he was pissed. But I honestly didn't care. Suck it up, Cullen. I'm finished with you intimidating me. I refused to look away, refused to budge. It finally registered sometime during our stare down that I wasn't backing down because his lips lifted on one side and he smirked at me, though I clearly understood what he was saying in that smirk. "This is far from over." I smirked back my response. "Bring it."
Through the remainder of my classes, my mood improved drastically. I felt pretty empowered. And, of course, after last period class, I wasn't surprised to find Alice waiting at my locker.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.
"Yeah," I told her. "I need to grab some things out of my locker, then you can walk me to my truck if you want."
She nodded. "Okay."
I waited for her to speak, but she just stood beside me, so I encouraged her by speaking first. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I'm sorry about what happened at lunch," she blurted out. "I could tell you were really upset."
I stopped rummaging through my locker and faced her. I sighed heavily before speaking. "Look, I know how it looked. I know what you must be thinking, I just… I can't get into that right now, okay? So please don't ask me to."
She nodded again, like she understood exactly where I was coming from. "I won't, but I needed you to know that I was sorry. Your personal life is your business and what Edward did was wrong."
"It was," I agreed. I closed my locker and motioned with my head toward the doors. I started talking again as we moved. "I'm just… it got to me. I know everyone saw that, so I freely admit it, but that's obviously what he wanted. I don't know why he's singled me out, but I'm not going to let him do it again. I honestly don't know how you put up with him."
Her face fell, her voice exuding sadness. "He wasn't always this way, Bella. I know that's probably hard to believe, but he wasn't. He had… something happened that changed him." We pushed through the doors and made our way outside. "We keep trying to reach him, and sometimes I think I see a flicker of my brother in there, but it disappears as quickly as it came. It hurts, you know, knowing how he was before and seeing him like this now.
"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't remember." Her pain and longing made me ache for her. Our pain was caused by different reasons, but I knew how she felt more than she realized. "Dad somehow thinks it's his fault, like maybe he should be doing more than he is. How can he? Edward won't talk to him. Edward won't tell anyone how he feels about what happened." She paused again as we reached my truck. "He has night terrors." I gazed down at the damp cement, having no idea how to process everything she was telling me or why she was even telling me something so personal. I disliked Edward, but I felt like I was violating him somehow by listening to private things about him. "He has every night since… Every night we find him in front of the couch, reliving what happened to his mom." My head lifted, my mouth opening to question what she meant by 'his mom', but she stared at me with tears in her eyes and I couldn't do it. I swiftly closed my mouth, swallowing down the questions that formulated within my brain. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bella."
She was falling apart in front of me, and the only thing I could offer, which was something I wasn't used to doing, was to wrap my arms around her and hug her, telling her to have faith. If only I could believe my own words.
-OO-OO-
I made it to the store a little later than I wanted, largely in part to the red bomb. It died in the driveway at home twice, then finally sputtered to life, groaning like a wounded animal that begged to be put out of its misery.
I passed the registers as I moved toward the back, hearing the other two cashiers ask where Tanya was. And just like that my mind shifted from my conversation with Alice to recollecting what happened in the utility closet. My nose scrunched up in disgust, and I honestly dreaded entering the backroom. I was dead set on padlocking both of their asses in this time if that's where strawberry blonde and Edward were. My conscious, however, reminded me of what Alice told me about Edward, and as much as he probably deserved me locking him in the utility closet, I couldn't do it. Not now.
I was just about to enter the backroom when my name was called. "Hey, Bella, are you working tonight?"
I turned my head in the direction of the voice. "Hey, Matt," I smiled. "Yeah, the Warden demands my services for the evening." I flashed him a cheeky grin.
He laughed. "Do you always call your mom the Warden?"
"No," I chuckled, shrugging. "I just picked that up recently."
"Is she really that bad?" he asked. "She seems really nice around here."
"No, she's not that bad, honestly. I just like to tease."
"So I can see." He shook his head, smiling.
"Well, I'll see you around the cell block," I teased.
I started to move when he spoke up again. "Uh, Bella, I wanted to ask you something." His voice lowered an octave, his eyes shifting off me to the box in front of him as he fidgeted nervously where he stood. "I was just wondering if you'd… maybe if you'd like to get a coffee sometime… with me?"
Not what I expected. "Oh… uh, I-"
Before I could finish replying, Edward and strawberry blonde came traipsing out of the backroom, interrupting my reply. "What is this, a dating service?" Did he ever get tired of being an ass?
I glared at him and was just about to make a snarky comment when closet ho decided to stop wiping at her mouth and give her sarcastic two cents. "Love in the vegetable aisle. How cute?"
I smiled serenely at her, placing my pointer finger at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot of jizz."
Her eyes widened and her hand went back to her mouth, completely covering it. Edward's lip began twitching and he turned his head away. I moved passed them into the backroom, hearing the faint sound of Matt's laughter as I headed for the time clock.
After slipping on the ugly brown smock, I made my way back into the store area. I didn't bother going to the front office to ask Paula where I'd be working. I already knew I'd be working with Edward through tomorrow.
I found him stocking shelves with various brands of laundry detergent. Even from a side view of his profile I could make out the scowl upon his face. Just grab a box, do what you're supposed to and ignore him unless it's absolutely necessary to speak. Easier said than done when all I could think about was Alice's words.
I stopped in front of the cart beside him, grabbed the scissors from my smock and began opening a box. It was full of Tide. I scanned the aisle, finding the Tide located midsection, then yanked bottles from the box and carried them to where they were supposed to go.
We worked around each other, reacting mindlessly toward one another. I went from box to box, filling up shelves with fabric softner, bleach, laundry detergent and stain removal. We finished up in that aisle, then moved to toiletries. It took three and a half hours from the time we began our shift to reach the last one on the cart. Unfortunately, neither of us had anything left to do from the previous boxes we had.
I gripped the scissors tightly in my hand, ready to rip through the tape when he stopped me. "I'll do that."
"It's fine, I got it. It's the last one."
"You don't listen so well. I said I'd do it."
I glanced up at him. "I've managed this far, I think I can handle one more box."
"I'm supposed to be training you, which means I'm the boss. I'll do it," he growled.
Were we really fighting over who was going to empty a box?
He reached for the box, but I flattened my hands against the top. "Which is why I should do this," I spat. "You're supposed to be instructing, so instruct or something while I unload this box. I do need to learn where everything goes."
"If that's what you want," he sneered. "I'd be more than happy to instruct."
"Not surprising," I mumbled as I cut into the tape holding the box closed. And it wasn't. I really thought he liked to listen to the sound of his own voice sometimes.
"That's not how you do it." I jumped at the tone of his voice. "You're opening it wrong."
I stopped, angling my head enough to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I had no idea there was a technique to opening boxes." He stared back, eyes flaming green fire. I was not intimidated this time. "Instruct me on your awesome skills of opening a box, Yoda."
His hands fisted at his sides, teeth clenched together as his voice turned acidic. "Did you just call me something from Star Trek?"
I wanted to laugh. He could not be this dumb. "No, it was Star Wars." My tone was just as harsh.
"I know that, Chewbacca, I'm not that fucking dumb. I do actually know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek."
Whoa, hold up. Those were fighting words. I was not Chewbacca, I was Princess Leia, damn it… or at the very least Han. "Did you just call me a Wookie?"
And now I was being treated to the trademark Edward Cullen smirk. Smug bastard. He'd deliberately acted dense to bait me. I should have known by the way he said Star Trek. "Hey, isn't that your cousin over there?"
I stupidly turned around to see some massive furry dust buster on the end cap. My fingers tightened around my scissors as I contemplated a new use for them. So this was how it was going to be, heh? Fine by me. I smiled and nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf." This was not me, not how I normally acted, but he just had a way of making me so irate that I lashed out.
I'd seen people infuriated to the point the rage pouring from their eyes actually heated my skin, but I'd never seen anything as colorful as the fury pulsating from Edward. I seriously considered the possibility of his head exploding or his body combusting.
He stalked toward me, pushing me with his body against the shelves. I felt them wobble against me but was too distracted by Edward and his actions to worry about whether or not it may topple over.
His hands came to rest on either side of my head, and he was breathing heavily through his flared nose. Once again, I found myself in the same predicament as earlier in school, only Edward's body was pressed against mine and the animosity was unlike anything I'd seen before. He wasn't used to be called out on his shit, or treated as he treated others.
Both of us were breathing heavily, trembling with anger and completely unblinking as we stared into one another's eyes. I couldn't look away, or maybe I just refused to, but regardless I held my ground. I had no idea what he was trying to prove right now. I just assumed it was more a tactic to bully me, but I wasn't giving him anything more than I did this afternoon. He'd taken enough from me.
His right hand moved a fraction of an inch, causing his pinky to brush against the skin of my neck. I felt a surge of something familiar and intense ripple through me. I nearly lost my steeled resolve because of it and wondered as his lips parted and he jerked his hand away like I carried the Bubonic Plague if I wasn't the only one to feel it.
But it was like that brief touch did something, opened us both up somehow. I had no idea how or why, but I was able to push past that anger and find such deep-rooted anguish thriving inside of him. It was eating him up, swallowing away anything warm and bright inside of him. Somehow in the middle of glimpsing a part of his soul, I was still acutely aware of him. I could see his expression softening, but his eyes still remained intense.
I couldn't really explain in words what I was feeling, other than to say I felt like something was being taken from me, like as he looked into my eyes he was taking pieces of me and deciphering them, but those pieces weren't being given back. Wasn't I doing the same, though?
I can see it.
I can see the pain, Edward.
He blinked a few times, taking several steps backward as his face shifted from confusion to agitation. "You can't see anything."
"What?" I asked, replying spontaneously. What was he talking about?
"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."
But I only said… Had I really voiced that aloud?
"I was just-"
"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."
"Edward, I wasn't trying to-"
This time his response was more a plea. "Don't." He took a few more steps back then turned on his heels and started down the aisle, calling back to me, "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."
I moved away from the shelf, which was now grating into my back, and ran my hands down my face, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.
I couldn't really come up with a plausible explanation, yet I knew what I felt was real. I knew what I saw was real. Alice was right, I saw that flicker, and now I found myself more intrigued by Edward. I wanted to know his pain, and for some reason unknown to me, I wanted to take it away.
I made it to the store a little later than I wanted, largely in part to the red bomb. It died in the driveway at home twice, then finally sputtered to life, groaning like a wounded animal that begged to be put out of its misery.
I passed the registers as I moved toward the back, hearing the other two cashiers ask where Tanya was. And just like that my mind shifted from my conversation with Alice to recollecting what happened in the utility closet. My nose scrunched up in disgust, and I honestly dreaded entering the backroom. I was dead set on padlocking both of their asses in this time if that's where strawberry blonde and Edward were. My conscious, however, reminded me of what Alice told me about Edward, and as much as he probably deserved me locking him in the utility closet, I couldn't do it. Not now.
I was just about to enter the backroom when my name was called. "Hey, Bella, are you working tonight?"
I turned my head in the direction of the voice. "Hey, Matt," I smiled. "Yeah, the Warden demands my services for the evening." I flashed him a cheeky grin.
He laughed. "Do you always call your mom the Warden?"
"No," I chuckled, shrugging. "I just picked that up recently."
"Is she really that bad?" he asked. "She seems really nice around here."
"No, she's not that bad, honestly. I just like to tease."
"So I can see." He shook his head, smiling.
"Well, I'll see you around the cell block," I teased.
I started to move when he spoke up again. "Uh, Bella, I wanted to ask you something." His voice lowered an octave, his eyes shifting off me to the box in front of him as he fidgeted nervously where he stood. "I was just wondering if you'd… maybe if you'd like to get a coffee sometime… with me?"
Not what I expected. "Oh… uh, I-"
Before I could finish replying, Edward and strawberry blonde came traipsing out of the backroom, interrupting my reply. "What is this, a dating service?" Did he ever get tired of being an ass?
I glared at him and was just about to make a snarky comment when closet ho decided to stop wiping at her mouth and give her sarcastic two cents. "Love in the vegetable aisle. How cute?"
I smiled serenely at her, placing my pointer finger at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot of jizz."
Her eyes widened and her hand went back to her mouth, completely covering it. Edward's lip began twitching and he turned his head away. I moved passed them into the backroom, hearing the faint sound of Matt's laughter as I headed for the time clock.
After slipping on the ugly brown smock, I made my way back into the store area. I didn't bother going to the front office to ask Paula where I'd be working. I already knew I'd be working with Edward through tomorrow.
I found him stocking shelves with various brands of laundry detergent. Even from a side view of his profile I could make out the scowl upon his face. Just grab a box, do what you're supposed to and ignore him unless it's absolutely necessary to speak. Easier said than done when all I could think about was Alice's words.
I stopped in front of the cart beside him, grabbed the scissors from my smock and began opening a box. It was full of Tide. I scanned the aisle, finding the Tide located midsection, then yanked bottles from the box and carried them to where they were supposed to go.
We worked around each other, reacting mindlessly toward one another. I went from box to box, filling up shelves with fabric softner, bleach, laundry detergent and stain removal. We finished up in that aisle, then moved to toiletries. It took three and a half hours from the time we began our shift to reach the last one on the cart. Unfortunately, neither of us had anything left to do from the previous boxes we had.
I gripped the scissors tightly in my hand, ready to rip through the tape when he stopped me. "I'll do that."
"It's fine, I got it. It's the last one."
"You don't listen so well. I said I'd do it."
I glanced up at him. "I've managed this far, I think I can handle one more box."
"I'm supposed to be training you, which means I'm the boss. I'll do it," he growled.
Were we really fighting over who was going to empty a box?
He reached for the box, but I flattened my hands against the top. "Which is why I should do this," I spat. "You're supposed to be instructing, so instruct or something while I unload this box. I do need to learn where everything goes."
"If that's what you want," he sneered. "I'd be more than happy to instruct."
"Not surprising," I mumbled as I cut into the tape holding the box closed. And it wasn't. I really thought he liked to listen to the sound of his own voice sometimes.
"That's not how you do it." I jumped at the tone of his voice. "You're opening it wrong."
I stopped, angling my head enough to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I had no idea there was a technique to opening boxes." He stared back, eyes flaming green fire. I was not intimidated this time. "Instruct me on your awesome skills of opening a box, Yoda."
His hands fisted at his sides, teeth clenched together as his voice turned acidic. "Did you just call me something from Star Trek?"
I wanted to laugh. He could not be this dumb. "No, it was Star Wars." My tone was just as harsh.
"I know that, Chewbacca, I'm not that fucking dumb. I do actually know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek."
Whoa, hold up. Those were fighting words. I was not Chewbacca, I was Princess Leia, damn it… or at the very least Han. "Did you just call me a Wookie?"
And now I was being treated to the trademark Edward Cullen smirk. Smug bastard. He'd deliberately acted dense to bait me. I should have known by the way he said Star Trek. "Hey, isn't that your cousin over there?"
I stupidly turned around to see some massive furry dust buster on the end cap. My fingers tightened around my scissors as I contemplated a new use for them. So this was how it was going to be, heh? Fine by me. I smiled and nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is. So while I go say hello to Cousin Itt over there, I'll be sure to bring you back a ladder, short round, that way your stubby, green ass can reach the second shelf." This was not me, not how I normally acted, but he just had a way of making me so irate that I lashed out.
I'd seen people infuriated to the point the rage pouring from their eyes actually heated my skin, but I'd never seen anything as colorful as the fury pulsating from Edward. I seriously considered the possibility of his head exploding or his body combusting.
He stalked toward me, pushing me with his body against the shelves. I felt them wobble against me but was too distracted by Edward and his actions to worry about whether or not it may topple over.
His hands came to rest on either side of my head, and he was breathing heavily through his flared nose. Once again, I found myself in the same predicament as earlier in school, only Edward's body was pressed against mine and the animosity was unlike anything I'd seen before. He wasn't used to be called out on his shit, or treated as he treated others.
Both of us were breathing heavily, trembling with anger and completely unblinking as we stared into one another's eyes. I couldn't look away, or maybe I just refused to, but regardless I held my ground. I had no idea what he was trying to prove right now. I just assumed it was more a tactic to bully me, but I wasn't giving him anything more than I did this afternoon. He'd taken enough from me.
His right hand moved a fraction of an inch, causing his pinky to brush against the skin of my neck. I felt a surge of something familiar and intense ripple through me. I nearly lost my steeled resolve because of it and wondered as his lips parted and he jerked his hand away like I carried the Bubonic Plague if I wasn't the only one to feel it.
But it was like that brief touch did something, opened us both up somehow. I had no idea how or why, but I was able to push past that anger and find such deep-rooted anguish thriving inside of him. It was eating him up, swallowing away anything warm and bright inside of him. Somehow in the middle of glimpsing a part of his soul, I was still acutely aware of him. I could see his expression softening, but his eyes still remained intense.
I couldn't really explain in words what I was feeling, other than to say I felt like something was being taken from me, like as he looked into my eyes he was taking pieces of me and deciphering them, but those pieces weren't being given back. Wasn't I doing the same, though?
I can see it.
I can see the pain, Edward.
He blinked a few times, taking several steps backward as his face shifted from confusion to agitation. "You can't see anything."
"What?" I asked, replying spontaneously. What was he talking about?
"Don't try to analyze me. You can't see anything."
But I only said… Had I really voiced that aloud?
"I was just-"
"You don't know anything about me, so don't pretend that you do."
"Edward, I wasn't trying to-"
This time his response was more a plea. "Don't." He took a few more steps back then turned on his heels and started down the aisle, calling back to me, "It's seven-thirty, and that means dinner."
I moved away from the shelf, which was now grating into my back, and ran my hands down my face, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.
I couldn't really come up with a plausible explanation, yet I knew what I felt was real. I knew what I saw was real. Alice was right, I saw that flicker, and now I found myself more intrigued by Edward. I wanted to know his pain, and for some reason unknown to me, I wanted to take it away.
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