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Chapter 4: Date Night
"Let me get this straight…" Jess paused, her brows raised in question while she propped her arm up on the table, fisting her hand so that her head could rest against it. "You two went for a walk, came back here for coffee, which ended up in a heated kiss, and he just went home afterward without trying to sleep with you... umm... even though he wanted to?"
I nodded. "Pretty much."
Her face contorted into a mass of lines that showed her confusion. "And you just let him leave?"
"Yes," I said as I finished the last bite of my Cesar salad. "I did. He was right, Jess. Look what happened the last time I slept with someone I barely knew. It's been two months, and I still can't forget that night or him. I have so many what-ifs going through my mind because of that night. I don't like it. I don't like not having closure, and I feel like there was so much more that could have been said or done, but it's too late now. Besides, I really like Jasper, and I don't want to make the same mistake with him. I think we made the right decision to wait."
"Well, I guess. I mean, you have to go at your own pace, right? You're a far better person than I am, Bella. Had it been me, that kiss would have at least ended with some serious dry humping. How you both were able to walk away with nothing more is beyond me. Kudos to you, because I couldn't have done it," she stated pointedly.
"It wasn't as if it were easy, Jess. I was very turned on, but he had a valid point. It's about more than just sex. I mean, it happens because there's attraction, yeah, but if you couldn't already tell, I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a real relationship with substance instead of sitting at home alone talking to a chia pet that clearly doesn't answer back, eating fucking bon-bons and watching love stories that make me hate my life even more. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of sitting here waiting for someone to come along on their white horse and carry me away to fucking princess land. It's not going to happen. This thing with Jasper is what I need right now. I like him, and I want to see where it leads," I said, taking a deep breath and settling back in my seat.
Her eyebrow arched in amusement. "Are you saying this to convince me, or are you saying it to convince yourself?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned.
"Edward Cullen. That's what that means," she said. "Come on, Bella. It's been two months, and he hasn't once tried to look you up, yet you still have a thing for him. He knew your name. How hard would it be to find you? He's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but I don't get the attachment. It was one night. Jasper is sitting right here, and he seems to really like you. If you don't forget about the night you spent with Edward, it's going to plague any chance you have with Jasper. Seriously, look at this from the logical side. Edward could have any woman he wants, and he probably does so as often as he wants. Why waste your time on a memory of a man who is too far out of our league? Take that night for what it was… a one-night stand."
She was right, but it was easier said than done. How could I explain how he had affected me when I didn't understand myself? Regardless, I was determined to forget him.
"Jess, my number is unlisted."
She cocked her head to the side, her expression clearly reiterating that she thought I was delusional.
"Of course you're right." I nodded my head, but swallowed roughly against the knot in my throat that told me otherwise. "I just happened to be the choice for the evening." I told myself that, but it was a hard pill to swallow because I truly believed it was just one of those things that happened. In the time I spent with Edward, womanizing didn't seem his style, but then again, appearances could be deceiving.
Sleeping with him, it wasn't planned, but maybe if I convinced myself it was and it meant nothing, then maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier letting his memory go. "It doesn't matter now. It's long been over, and I feel like a loser for even dwelling on it when I'm sure he's not had a single thought about me after that night. I really do like Jasper, and I want to spend time with him."
She smiled. "Then do that. Just enjoy yourself because you deserve to." Her smile widened. "You know what would really be crazy? This is all hypothetical, of course, but what if you and Jasper became an item and because he's a musician too, you ended up running into Edward Cullen? How awkward would that be?"
"Not fucking funny," I chastised. "And I'm not even going to dignify that statement with an answer."
The remainder of Friday evening played out as usual, though I'd substituted my normal lean cuisine meal for an Angus burger. I was sitting on the couch watching Pretty Woman when the phone rang. Immediately, my heart began pounding in my chest. I knew who it would be.
"Hello," I said, trying to hide the excitement in my voice.
"Hello, Beautiful. I promised I'd call. It's not a bad time, is it?" Jasper asked.
My knee began to bob up and down. I actually felt giddy. I was like a fucking school girl all over again. "No, it's not a bad time at all. I'm glad you called."
He chuckled. "Good. I'm glad I called too. So, how has your day been?"
"Eventful," I said. "Work was shitty as usual because my boss is a dick. Other than that, it's been good, and it got even better as soon as you called."
"I know what you mean," he laughed. "I felt better the moment I heard your voice. I wanted to talk to you all day, but my schedule didn't allow it. I was determined that I'd talk to you at some point today."
"Jasper," I began. "About last night, I-"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Bella, but I feel like I should say this before anything more is said about what happened." I could hear him breathing on the other end. "Things are hectic in my life right now. Between playing with my band, which takes up a lot of my time, and working to make the rest of the ends meet, I don't have a lot of time outside of that for anything else."
My heart sank and defeat settled in, but I tried to keep my voice light. "I understand. I don't expect you to hold to our date, but I appreciate that you called personally to cancel."
"I wasn't finished," he said. "I was trying to say that even though my schedule is a bit of an obstacle, I want to take you out, and I really enjoy spending time with you. I want to keep spending time with you. Last night was amazing, and believe me, I wanted to stay, but I felt you deserved better from me. I don't want you to think that I'm pursuing you simply because I want to sleep with you."
"But you do want to sleep with me, though," I teased.
Apparently, tact was not part of my vocabulary these days.
"Honestly?" he questioned.
"Yes, honestly," I answered.
"Very much so. You have no idea how much I didn't want to leave. The thing is, my parents taught me to treat a woman with respect. I'm certainly not implying I'm perfect, because I'm far from it. It's not as if I never got in trouble at school and home, because I did, but respecting someone is something I take to heart."
And just as if a switch had been flipped, his voice changed, low and seductive, melting over my skin like warm butter. "However, since we're laying everything out on the table, had we already been out on an official date, nothing would have been able to force me to leave."
I chuckled. "Oh, I see. So you're saying you would have rocked my world, right?"
Laughter resonated through the phone. "I definitely would have rocked your world.""Tease," I stated matter of fact.
The seductive drawl was eclipsed by a note of seriousness. "I was in no way teasing. I was stating fact, Darlin'."
I caught myself mid-whimper, then cleared my throat to recover. Unfortunately, he'd heard the noise I made. I knew he did because I could actually hear the smile turn up his lips over his stunted breathing. I needed to change the subject now, or plans would shift from enjoying a movie once our conversation was over to self-gratification.
"Okay, how about that date tomorrow night. What's on the agenda?"
He chuckled. I had no doubt now that my reaction was exactly what he'd aimed for. "Well, I had initially planned on inviting you over to my place for a candle light dinner. I was going to cook for you, but I thought maybe you'd prefer going out somewhere. Afterward, we could see a movie or go dancing. It's your choice."
"A home cooked meal sounds amazing," I chimed in. "I wouldn't really know, though, because I'm fail at cooking."
"A home cooked meal it is, then. Around seven?" he questioned.
"Seven sounds good." I nodded, though I knew he couldn't see me – it was a force of habit.
He gave me his address, and we talked a while longer. "Alright, Beautiful, I need to get some shut eye, but I'll see you tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to cooking for you."
"Okay," I said, yawning. "I'm pretty tired, too. I'll see you tomorrow night, Jasper. Sleep well."
"Goodnight, Gorgeous," he said before hanging up.
I placed the phone back on the receiver and padded sluggishly down the hallway, barefoot, to bed. It was no time before my eyelids were too heavy to open and consciousness drifted away, unchaining the fucking mirage of thoughts that I buried away while awake into a dream sequence of the man I should have already let go.
-OO-OO-
Most of Saturday consisted of really early spring cleaning… or really late, depending on how you looked at it. I needed something to distract my focus and pass the time. Foof even managed to get his much needed trimming, which required a damn weed whacker because his little Chia bush was thick.
By the time 5:30 rolled around, I was so emotionally amped. I'd managed to clean every area of my apartment… twice. And no, I'm not OCD.
This was the first actual date I'd had in I have no fucking clue how long, and I was really nervous about it. I liked Jasper, I was definitely attracted to him, but I suppose my nervousness centered around the fact that I knew what our date could lead to tonight, especially since we'd be in his apartment… alone.
I tried to still my rattled nerves and get myself presentable. I went with the casual look simply because that was my style. I wore a pair of faded jeans that settled low around my hips, a white short-sleeve cami top and a pair of brown strappy heels. The outfit was pretty chic looking.
After I finished my makeup and styled my hair – I left it down, but accentuated the curl with a little mousse - I grabbed my purse and headed to my car. The moment I sat in the driver's seat and started the car, I felt a lump form in my throat. I had so many emotions swirling through me, even guilt, making me feel like a tilt-a-whirl of emotions. Really, what the fuck did I have to be guilty for? I was single. So I shifted my car into reverse, pulled out of my designated parking spot and drove to Jasper's.
I pulled into the parking lot outside Jasper's apartment. The outside was red bricked, appearing to be three stories high, and a few stray bushes outlined the walkway to the main door.
I sat inside my car a few moments, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn't believe how nervous I was, but there was something else, something else I felt, and I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I wasn't even this nervous the moment I knew he was going to kiss me.
I finally managed to brave getting out of my car, then took slow steps toward the building. The night air was cool, and a gust of wind brushed off the trees before slamming into me rather abruptly. It was that gust of wind that forced me to walk more briskly into Jasper's building.
I could hear the wind knocking against the glass near the door, but when I climbed that first step, the wind silenced. It was such an oddity, and I wondered if maybe it was meant as a sign, pushing me to move quicker to whatever fate had planned for me. Maybe Jasper was the key to what my future held… and maybe I was just a damn idiot to sit here and mull over something like that when I hardly knew the man.
I cleared the last step and approached the door. I applied a few mild knocks, and it only seemed that seconds passed before he was standing in front of me, the door open so that I could walk in. My breath caught the moment I saw him. I'd already found him very attractive, but there was something about him tonight that stood out, something that screamed gorgeous.
He was dressed in a black long-sleeve button down shirt, a gray vest over the top and a pair of black jeans. His blonde wavy locks were a little tousled, but he looked amazing. He smiled widely, the blue of his eyes lighting up with the smile. His eyes raked up and down my figure before he spoke. "Bella, wow. You look beautiful. I'm speechless."
He reached for my hand, and I placed mine in his before he lightly tugged me inside. "You look rather amazing yourself."
He closed the door behind us and led me toward the kitchen, music was playing softly in the background. It was when we were standing near the counter, three barstools lined on the opposite side, that he released my hand. A delicious aroma was wafting through the air. A chicken entrée perhaps?
"Thank you, but I'd suffice to say that you outdid me on appearance." He shot me a wink. "Dinner will be ready in ten. If you'd like, I could give you a quick tour around my apartment. It's not an extravagant place, as I'm sure you can see, but it's home to me, so I'm good with it."
I nodded. "I'd like that."
He smiled at me, that gorgeous fucking smile, showing his dimples, making my heart pump faster in my chest. He reached for my hand once again, pulling me alongside him as we toured his place. It was nearly one big room, other than a short hall to the right that led to the bathroom, a few family pictures lining the white walls, and what I learned was the spare bedroom meant for guests when they visited. The spare room was pretty bare, having only a bed, a wooden nightstand with a small glass lamp and a dresser that held a twenty inch television on top of it.
Off the living room was a rather large balcony with French doors. He had a small table sitting against the far corner, two chairs with leaf patterns engraved in the wood surrounding it. Over the kitchen was his bedroom, a set of winding stairs leading up to his room was standing right before you entered the hallway. In the far corner of his living room, which was rather large, was what he referred to as a small studio for his music. Each room was marred with the clutter factor, but it certainly had great Feng Shui.
He finished showing me around, then we made our way back to the kitchen. I was standing on the opposite side of the counter near the barstools.
"See, not much to look at," he said. "Dinner should be ready now. If you wanna take a seat on one of the stools, I'll finish getting it prepared. I made chicken piccata with wild rice. It's just seasoned chicken with salt and pepper, then dredged in flour and lemon juice."
I took a seat on the barstool to the left. "It sounds delicious."
He prepared our plates, blanketing the entirety with wild rice before placing the chicken on top. He sat my plate in front of me before setting his next to mine. I waited until he sat down beside me before I attempted a bite. When that first piece entered my mouth, delicious flavor burst out along my tongue. My taste buds certainly weren't used to something this satisfying. I actually closed my eyes and moaned. He laughed in response.
"Good?" he asked.
"Very," I moaned around another bite.
While we ate, we discussed our days; mine was full of languid cleaning, his preparing for an upcoming concert at a local club for charity. It was during our conversation that I felt at ease and really allowed myself to enjoy being with him, the soft music in the background helped stage the mood.
We finished our meal, both of us looking to the other to make the first move on what to approach next. We pretty much answered with shy smiles until Jasper finally broke the silence that formed between us.
"So, what would you like to do next? We could go watch a movie or go dancing. Whatever you prefer to do?"
I stood from my chair, smiling at him, then placed both my hands in his, pulling him to his feet. "You know, I think dancing sounds like a great idea, but I'd prefer if we do it here. I mean, if that's not a problem. Believe it or not, I'm not really big on crowds. Plus, I love the peace and quiet this place holds."
"Of course," he said. "Right here or…?" He pointed toward the balcony.
"I don't think I'd mind a little bit of cool air." As crazy as it sounded, I honestly didn't.
"We'll probably be icicles by the time we come back inside," he teased.
"I know," I laughed.
He smiled, then led me toward the balcony, leaving the French doors wide open to be able to hear the music. Just as we halted at the center of the terrace, his arms wrapping around me, a new song began to play.
The rain began to pour harder just as our kiss became more heated. It was almost as if our kiss permeated the rain, making its force that much stronger.
Even through the wet clothing and cool air, my body was mostly heated from his touch. My hands instinctively went to his hair, carding my fingers through the dripping wet tendrils.
We pulled away briefly for air intake, but our lips hungrily sought connection again. Not breaking the kiss, his hands found their way underneath my upper thighs, hoisting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, the cold dampness of my clothing biting at my skin, as he carried me through the French doors toward his bedroom.
I guess some part of me knew this was where we'd end up tonight, even if it hadn't been planned out. I would wait for him, he'd wait for me, sleeping together didn't have to happen, but the moment just seemed to be right.
"I'm thinking it wasn't such a great idea to be outside," he teased against my lips.
I laughed in response, because he was right. Honestly, in most cases, chattering teeth really wasn't sexy, and we had certainly been on the verge of some serious teeth chattering. The sound of my laughter was swallowed up by his mouth as he began kissing me again.
I remained wrapped around him, our lips still pushing and pulling against each other's in a passionate fervor as he ascended the stairs. It was tricky, considering his view of the stairway was obscured because we were kissing, but he managed to get us to his room without being tripped up.
He sat us along the edge of the bed, my legs still around his waist, making the fact that he was hard underneath me conspicuous.
I ground my hips down against him, causing him to groan into my mouth. He pulled his mouth from mine, staring back at me under hooded lids and thick lashes. His hands grasped the bottom of my shirt while his eyes silently pleaded permission to remove it from my body. I nodded, and he slowly lifted the shirt up over my head, throwing it to the floor.
I reciprocated his actions, tossing his vest then shirt next to mine. My eyes cast downward to take him in. His body wasn't vast in size, but there was obvious definition to the muscles. He was pretty cut.
I wanted to touch him, so I ran one set of fingers across the sinewy muscles of his arms. He groaned as my fingers began trailing along his toned chest right down to the firm abs that had been hidden under his shirt.
He pulled me tightly against him, pressing his lips to my collar bone and working his way up across the flesh of my neck, occasionally grazing his teeth in places, until his lips met mine. It certainly hadn't escaped my notice that my skin was now on fire at all the places he touched.
He brought one of his hands to my bra, unclasping it while the other was fisted into my hair. He removed my bra slowly, the straps rubbing against my hypersensitive skin as they fell down my arms. By now, I was aching to feel him, especially since his erection was pressed against my sex, and I was able to feel how much harder he now was.
My mind was screaming at him to touch me, and I silently willed him to do so. He must have sensed my unspoken pleas because his fingers lightly ghosted across my now exposed breasts. He repeated this action several times before he finally palmed them one at a time in his hands, massaging the flesh around them, then pulling my taut nipples between his fingers, rolling them between his thumb and forefinger. His eyes were on my face, gauging my reaction to his touch.
I rolled my hips against him, and his hands instantly grasped my waist, grinding me down harder over his length.
"Bella," he groaned. "You have no idea how bad I want to be with you right now."
I was practically suffocating on desire. I needed Jasper in the worst way. I needed him to fill the void within me because I'd felt so fucking empty and lonely for so long. I needed him and his touch to erase the memory of a man I shouldn't want.
I'd wasted months over a man that could never want me or be with me the way I needed, a man I had one night with and didn't really know, yet still managed to ridiculously pine for. I wanted something real for me, and this was my chance to have that. I really wanted to try with Jasper.
This moment, I felt, was the catalyst to moving forward. I was going to erase Edward's touch with Jasper's, erase Edward's memory with Jasper's.
"I want to be with you, too," I whispered.
My declaration was all he needed to proceed.
Both his hands were on my jeans, his mouth on mine, before I even finished blinking to unbutton them. He slowly lowered the zipper, pushing the fabric away on both sides before snaking one hand down the front of my jeans. I lifted my hips slightly off his lap to allow him better access. When he reached my very wet and very aroused sex, he pushed my panties aside, grazing his fingers along my slick skin.
"God, Bella. I can't even…" He trailed off against my lips, groaning.
He pushed a finger inside me, then retreated it from my body, teasing me. I felt the loss of his touch and whimpered for it to return. His finger sought out my entrance again, pushing inside me. He pulled back again, but never entirely left my body. He then added a second finger.
"Feel good?" His voice was lower, thick with lust.
"Yes," I moaned. "Don't stop."
He began pushing deeper and harder into me with every thrust back into my body. I gripped his shoulders for leverage, grinding down upon his fingers to meet his thrusts. He finally curled them upward, seeking out the place that would bring me the most pleasure. I cried out the moment his fingers grazed the sensitive spot inside me, for it brought on my orgasm.
My muscles clamped down around his fingers, sending starbursts of pleasure rippling through my body that I hadn't felt in months. I had needed this release, but I could tell I wasn't quite sated yet. When the post orgasmic haze cleared my vision, my fingers moved deftly to the button of his jeans to free the part of him that my body really craved.
I managed to remove his jeans and was just about to discard his boxers from his body when a loud knock sounded at the door. The sound startled me, causing me to nearly jump off of him. He continued to lie on the bed, running his hands over his face and through his hair, frustration emanated from him.
"Are you going to get that? I'm sure whoever it is hears the music downstairs."
He sat up, obviously annoyed.
"Damn it," he growled. He slipped his pants back on, but grabbed a dry t-shirt from his closet. "I'm sorry about this. I wasn't expecting any company."
I had already managed to put my bra back on and was now placing my still very wet shirt back onto my body. "It's alright. It happens sometimes."
I was disappointed, yes, but I couldn't fault him.
He bound down the stairs, I followed behind. Agitation was rolling off him in waves, and it was obvious in the movements he made. He opened the door and before he had time to say anything, a man strolled past him. I recognized him to be one of his band mates, Peter. "Jazz, I've got to talk to you."
He spoke with an edge to his voice. "Can't this wait, Peter? I have company."
He pointed toward me, and I immediately crossed my hands over my chest to conceal what I knew would be visible underneath the water soaked material.
Peter looked between Jasper and I, apologetic. "I'm really sorry, man. I had no idea you'd be having company. I really need to talk to you, though. It's important. I'd come back if it could wait. It concerns our latest gig."
"Do we have to talk right this second? I'm on a date with Bella, and-"
"It's okay, Jasper," I told him, grasping his arm. "We can rain check the rest of the date for another time."
He gazed down at me. "We shouldn't have to rain check."
"Really, it's okay. He needs you."
Jasper sighed heavily, his fingers running through his hair as he faced Peter. "Give me a minute. In the meantime, go sit down. I'll be there after I walk her out."
I strode over to the counter, grabbed my purse and followed Jasper out the door. When he closed the door behind us, he reached for my hand. "Bella, I'm really sorry about this. I don't know what to say other than I'd like a chance to make this up to you."
I smiled widely and cleared the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck. "It's alright. Whatever is going on concerns your band, and it's something that needs your attention now. I can wait, and I will wait. I like being with you, Jasper, but I understand you have obligations that come first. I won't ask you to change that for me. There will be another time for us."
His arms encircled my waist, pulling me against him, making it appear as if we were joined together. His lips found mine, kissing me with an intensity that nearly buckled my knees. "If it's not too late when he leaves, I'll call you. Otherwise, it'll be tomorrow. Again, I'm sorry about this. But like I said, I will make it up to you."
He kissed me once more, chastely, before entering his apartment.
I stood in the hallway, briefly, trying to swallow the disappointment. Once again, the loneliness reared its ugly head, and I wondered if this wasn't simply a foreboding that I was meant to be alone.
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