Chapter 15: A Piece of Beautiful (teaser)

Edward’s arm twitched against my hip, then he pulled it abruptly away as he nearly flung himself upright, scooting backward, eyes darting around the room, no doubt contemplating running.  If he moved any further from me, he’d fall right off the mattress onto the floor.  His knees were immediately pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around them, and his cheeks were as flushed as mine. “I…I’m…I didn’t-” He was stammering his words and as he did so, he never looked at me.  In fact, he looked everywhere but at me. Every word carried an intonation of regret and fear, and I felt sickened that he felt that way. But more importantly, I worried what feeling that way would do to him, if it would affect what we'd gained.

Here I was reacting to the fact that my chest was practically hanging out, but I never took into consideration how my reaction would affect him. It was obvious I’d not only startled him, but made him fearful too. I hadn’t meant to do either one, I’d just never had a guy openly stare at my chest that way. I’m Bella Swan, after all; hopelessly clumsy and hopelessly plain.

I mean, I knew his thoughts weren’t the same as other guys, but his face still showed curiosity, almost to the point of fascination. And that, the look in his eyes, the way his eyes studied me, heated my skin from head to toe, making me gasp more from that then embarrassment. I could blame my actions solely on the embarrassment but I knew better.  

Him staring at me, though I’m sure on his part was innocent, affected me and I had no idea what to do with that knowledge. But right now, what I felt didn’t matter because he was sitting there afraid and fixing that, that’s what mattered.

“Edward,” I began in a soft, nonthreatening tone. I had no actual idea what I was doing here, what to say, but I had to make an attempt. “Please don’t be upset. Please don’t pull away from me. I was half asleep. I just… I was startled and-”

He frowned, voice tiny and trembling. “I shouldn’t –” He paused, shaking his head.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “Really. Edward, I’m not angry. There’s no reason to be angry, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I just… wanted to know,” he whispered. His eyes finally met mine, glistening with unshed tears, but his bodily relaxed minutely.

“Know what?” I asked. My heart was aching painfully in my chest for him. He really seemed to think what he’d done was no short of depravity.

“About the softness.” He lowered his head, eyes focusing on his lap in shame. The more he revealed, the lower his voice became. “He told me about it…. the softness a girl has. He said it was beautiful. He said… he said I’d never know it - I wasn’t worthy. I didn't understand what he was saying, but I just wanted to know if I could see it… what he meant because I won’t… ever know it.”