TUS: Chapter Twenty Two - Undertaking

Chapter 22: Undertaking

If You Could Only See

If you could only see the way she loves me

Then maybe you would understand

Why I feel this way about our love

And what I must do

Edward's hands cupped my face as he pressed his tall frame against mine. It was like he was trying to meld our bodies together, forcing us to become one being.

This kiss was so different from any other we'd shared. They were always tender, always gentle, but this kiss, this kiss felt desperate, like he believed he was losing something. I knew I should pull away from him and explain that he had nothing to worry about, that he was the only person that would ever own my heart – I knew that without a doubt to be true - but I couldn't bring myself to stop, so I kissed him back just as fiercely as he was me, telling him with my kiss that I was only his.

His lips pushed and pulled against mine, and I was lost to everything but him, yet the moment I felt his tongue caress my bottom lip, trying to enter my mouth, I was sure my knees would buckle. We'd only ever kissed that way once before, where our tongues briefly touched, but I had initiated. When my tongue had grazed his, he was a little startled at first – he caught on quickly, though.

This time, he was taking the lead. And the way the kiss began, needy and desperate, then morphed to his taking control in a way he'd never done before, made it quite clear what he was thinking, even if I hadn't understood before now. He was making his claim on me. He was marking me as his.

His tongue slid against mine, his lips still as demanding. Every part of me was winding up, becoming a stream of unending sensation. My body heated in a way it had never done before. I had always felt that spark when our skin connected, I'd felt a yearning for him that I had to beat down every time we touched, but this, what I was feeling at that moment, was on a level I'd never encountered until now. I was inexperienced with anything but kissing, but I was a wanton mess, all from a kiss that Edward was controlling quite efficiently.

His lips parted from mine as he gasped for air, and just as he was moving forward to place his mouth back on mine, a groan from deep within his chest echoed through the restroom. The sound slid across my skin like molten desire, sending a ripple of pulsing need through my body, ending at my center.

I wrapped my arms tight around his neck, pulling him closer to me… and he let me. I needed him close, needed to feel the warmth of his body on mine, to show him how much I loved him, even if this, right now with this kiss, was the only way I could do that. He seemed to want that too, because he groaned again, and oh God, was it even sexier than the first time.

I was a mass of sensation, too consumed by what we were doing to think about why it began, to even consider that we were in a damaged, broken-down restroom of an abandoned hospital. My mind was numb to anything but Edward and what he was making me feel.

His hands slowly slid down my face, like he needed to touch every part of me to keep me as his. If only he could truly believe that he'd already touched my heart and soul, and there was no going back for me.

His hands moved under my arms, as if he were working his way down to my waist in order to hold me to him. His fingers inched slowly, memorizing each part of me he touched. And as he moved lower, his fingers grazed the sides of my breasts. It wasn't an intentional move on his part, at least I didn't believe so, but I moaned because of it. It was an involuntary reaction, not something I had intended to do, but the sound came out quite loud, even though his mouth was still working over mine. I was completely hypersensitive to his touch.

His hands stilled and he pulled away, gasping for breaths. His eyes, darker than I'd ever seen them before, lowered from mine to my mouth, then to where his fingers were resting near my breasts. He stared back and forth between his hands briefly, his breathing staccato, then his eyes lifted, meeting mine, gauging my reaction as he brushed his thumbs along the sides of my breasts again, like he was trying to exorcise another moan from me, like he needed to hear it. I didn't disappoint him either.

He exhaled a stunted breath as his eyes closed, masking the dark jade of his irises. "O que você está... o que você está fazendo comigo? Eu sou... Nunca foi assim. Eu nunca me senti assim. Você me faz sentir tão bem, meu anjo."

As soon as the last word escaped his mouth, he lowered his lips back to mine almost forcefully, pressing his hips instinctually against me as my back collided with something solid. I recognized it as a wall to one of the shower stalls, but before then, I hadn't even realized we were moving.

He groaned when his hips came in contact with my stomach, and I gasped into his mouth as I felt him, hard behind the zipper of his pants. Edward was very hard.

His body stiffened, and he immediately ended the kiss. He leaned back, moving his body away from mine. The look on his face, it was guilt, like he'd done something wrong, something he should be punished for. I wanted to cry out to him, beg him to clear the distance between us, tell him that he had nothing to feel guilty for; especially when I admittedly enjoyed the contact between us. But that look upon his face left my heart aching. He lowered his head, gazing toward the floor, his shoulders sagging.

"I… I didn't mean… I'm sorry I… It just…" He was stuttering his words, defeat marring his features.
"Don't," I pleaded, causing his head to lift, his eyes to meet mine. "Don't apologize to me. And don't feel ashamed about what happened. There's nothing for you to be ashamed about." I removed the space between us, cupping his face in my hands. "You did nothing wrong, nothing that upset me. You have nothing to be sorry about right now."

His eyes lowered toward the front of his jeans, where he was still very much hard, causing my hands to drop from his face. "But I… I couldn't stop myself from…" His words trailed off.

"Do you… Can you tell me what you felt when you-"

"I know what it means," he whispered, cutting me off. "I know what I… Eu sinto muito por você, Bella, e às vezes, eu não sei como controlar. Eu nunca almejei tanto algo como eu desejo você, mas I... Eu não sei como colocar em palavras como me sinto quando estou com você, o que você me faz sentir. É como se tudo dentro de mim formigasse, até a minha alma, e eu só quero tocar em você. Eu sinto que cada vez mais estamos juntos. Nós nunca fizemos isso antes, e eu nunca quis mostrar como eu me sinto com meu corpo, não dessa forma, mas eu queria então."

He always spoke in Portuguese when he was trying to express himself in a way he wasn't comfortable doing in English, or when he was afraid of how I'd react to his words. It wasn't as often as it used to be, but it still happened on occasion. I shook my head, smiling so he knew I wasn't upset because of it.

"Not that I don't love when you speak Portuguese, because I really do, but I know you do it as a safety net sometimes. Edward, you don't have to hide from me. I want to know what you're feeling. I want you to be able to tell -"

"It's what you make me feel," he started. He turned his head, glancing around the room, then sighed as he looked back at me, pleading with his eyes, but for what I wasn't sure. "All these things inside that I feel when I'm with you, I don't know how to manage them sometimes. They almost spill out because everything in me is so full with these feelings for you. I didn't know it could be like this, and it's becoming more, more than I even knew it could be. I didn't… I never thought I'd ever have what I have with you. I never knew that feeling this way even existed.

"And when you said your brother was fixing you up, I… I don't want to lose you, Bella. I don't know if I could…" He paused, shaking his head. "Something inside told me to fight for you. I don't know what it was, but it was there inside my head. What you make me feel in here…" He placed his hand over his heart. "I want to hold onto that. I want to hold onto you. I want to be good enough, so I tried to show you when I kissed you that I could be, that I would be, and when I kissed you, everything I hold in for you came out. I couldn't stop it. I didn't even want to.

"I wasn't sure what I was doing, but it felt right and I… Touching you, it felt like I was finally where I belonged, like a home that was meant just for me, and then you made that noise, Bella? It made me feel… It did something to me. I… liked hearing it. I wanted to keep hearing it. You made me… want to-"

I turned my head, trying to hide the blush that swept across my face and chest. He'd been so open with me, and I didn't want to give him a reason to regret that, to feel uncomfortable because of my reaction, but I couldn't help how his words affected me.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I was still hiding my face from him.

He stepped toward me. I could feel it as much as hear it. "Please look at me."

"I don't want you to-"

His hand reached around, lightly gripping my chin, turning my head toward him. "Bella," he whispered.

Please don't think I-

"There you are," he breathed, interrupting my thoughts. "You're blushing." It was not a question. "Did I… did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to upset you."

I swallowed thickly as I glanced up under my lashes, seeing the concern within his eyes. "That's not it at all. It's just… what you said? I feel that way too," I explained. "What we did, I've never done that with anyone else. It's only been you."

His eyes sparkled. "Only me?"

I nodded. "I've never been in love before either, so we're sharing a lot of firsts together." It was after making that statement that I realized the connotations it held. Of course, that thought made me blush further.
"I was afraid of what you'd think," he admitted. "I was afraid of what you might think of me because I… That's never happened before, and I didn't… I wasn't planning what happened, Bella."

"I know you didn't," I assured him. "I'm not upset. Touching, kissing, those things happen with couples. I don't want you to be afraid to… to touch me." I was feeling brazen, even if I was beet red from blushing. "It was unexpected, yeah, but I'm not sorry."

"Unexpected," he agreed, then smiled that smile that ignited my insides. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" I smiled back.

"Is it so terrible if I'm not sorry either?"

I took the last step between us, wrapping my arms around his waist as I looked up at him, hoping he could see how much I truly loved him as he stared back down at me.

"No," I chuckled. "It's not so terrible at all. Now how about I finish that haircut?"

-OO-OO-

We'd been back in his room for a few hours, his hair a little shorter now. I couldn't bring myself to do more than just a small trim. It was getting close to time to leave if I were planning to go with Emmett to the concert. I thought about it a lot as we sat there on the mattress and I listened to him read out of one of the magazines he'd hidden. I didn't want to go, in all honesty. I wanted to stay with Edward. The problem I was having was that I felt guilty about ditching Emmett. We spent little time together as it was. I also knew what going would do to Edward. Two of the three most important men in my life, and I was going to upset one of them.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" I noted the disappointment in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

His eyes drifted back down to the magazine while his left hand played nimbly with Lancelot's aged fur. "To that place with your brother. You're going, right?"

"I don't want to go," I told him. "I want to stay with you."

"I won't ask you to do that." I knew he wanted to, but he wouldn't. He closed the magazine. "I'd keep you here with me always if I could. That makes me feel selfish because I always want you, Bella, but you have a life out there, other people that need you, too. I didn't realize how much I was taking from you."

"My life includes you," I protested. "You're a big part of my life, Edward. I choose to be here, I'm not forced. Believe me, you aren't taking from me. If anything, you're giving to me."

"But you being here with me means the other people who love you too miss out on spending time with you. You're needed out there as much as you are in here." I beat down the reaction my body made and the way my heart rate increased when he mentioned 'other people who love me too'. That was as close to saying the words as he'd been yet, even though I was positive he felt them.

"And out there is a place I hope you'll be soon… with me." I felt a pang in my chest as I thought about the conversation I knew we'd be having soon.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean." It was times like these, when he was so astute, that I wondered exactly how perceptible he really was to things.

"I know that look. I've seen… Something's wrong." He tossed the magazine toward the end of the mattress and reached for my hand. "Why do I feel like there's more than just your brother you're upset about?" There was uneasiness to his tone.

I didn't want to do this, not this way. "I owe you the truth. And you're right. It's not just about my brother."

"It's bad." Again, he was making a statement and not a question.

"It doesn't have to be."

"What does that mean?

"You know that I want you out of the hospital. I mean, we've already established that."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"And you know to do that there are going to be things that you may have to do that you don't want to, right?"

"Is that what… That's why you were acting like you did earlier?"

"Yes." I could see his body tense up. "I know talking about this is difficult, but I need to tell you-"

"I know you want me to leave here," he interrupted. "I want to be able to do that, too. I want to be normal for you. There are so many things I want to do for you, for me, I just… There's so much I don't know about the outside, yet I know that what we have in here is ending soon. I can feel it, Bella." He shivered beside me. "I like what we have here, just you and I, but I can feel that what's out there is slipping inside with us. I'm afraid because I don't know what will happen to me. I don't want to be-"

"I won't let anything happen to you," I promised.

He pulled me against him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pressed his forehead to mine. "I know you wouldn't, but things happen that we can't control, Bella. Things that we don't want to happen do. I… I'm afraid, because I've seen how dark things can get, but I'll try, because I've seen hope too. I will, but I just want to be right now, Bella. Can we leave what is out there out there and just be for a little longer?"

"Okay." I pressed my lips to his, agreeing to meet him in the middle.

"A few more days," he whispered against my lips before deepening the kiss.

Wednesday, I thought. We'll talk on Wednesday.

-OO-OO-

It was now Tuesday night, and several days had passed where I held off telling Edward about the conversation with Carlisle. He knew it was coming, he knew it was going to happen on Wednesday, and I was prepared to follow through with it.

I sat on my front porch, watching the sun sink beyond the horizon as the moon prepared to take its place. It was rare in Forks to see the sun without cloud cover, but it had made a grand appearance that morning.
I'd been home since five, promising an evening to Charlie and Emmett. I was really glad Emmett was no longer upset with me about the concert, so it made being home early less tense. He'd been angry and disappointed when I called and told him I believed I caught food poisoning from a Jr. Whopper, but the anger subsided a bit when he remembered something similar happening to him and Rosalie. I felt a little guilty for lying and skipping out on him until I found out they'd rented hotel rooms for after the concert. That fact diminished the guilt completely.

We'd had an early dinner, even nice conversation through it, and I assumed we'd play cards or something of that nature, but our evening was cut short by ESPN. Boys and their sports.

I was enjoying the breeze and the way the trees shimmied against the wind. It was peaceful, and I needed that comfort, that relaxing distraction, for what was to come.

I closed my eyes as the wind whispered across my face, whipping my hair about and carrying the scent of a summer that would end soon. I could also smell the faint scent of rain from either the day before, or rain that was on its way. For all the rain this town had, I still loved living here.

I was finding serene things to think about that overrode the anxiety I felt circulate through my mind and body. It was helping to a degree, but there was still an inkling of Wednesday present.

I'm not sure how long I sat outside, gazing around, listening to the sports related commotion coming from inside my house, before I stood up, ready to go inside.

"Whicksey Vodkas Horsetrot out."

I let go of the door as I heard the sound, laughing at the tiny voice that clearly mispronounced words. It was definitely Peter, my neighbor's five year old son.

"You said it wrong, Peter." I heard a new voice, Peter's eight year old brother James, but it sounded like it was coming out of a… Walkie-talkie? "It's Whiskey Tango Foxtrot out. Try it again."

"No fair," Peter grumbled, but he repeated the line anyway.

I stood there a moment, laughing at the two boys I occasionally babysat for as they conversed back and forth through Walkie-talkies in Army lingo. I reached for the door handle again, pulling the screen door open, but stopped as my hand rested on the knob of the front door.

That's it, I thought. Why didn't I think of it before?

I turned the knob, pushing the door open, stopping long enough to tell Charlie and Emmett I was going upstairs in case they needed me. As soon as I was behind the closed door of my bedroom, I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Esme, is Alice home?"

"Sure, Dear. She's up in her room. Let me call her down for you." I heard what sounded like her hand being placed over the receiver, before the muffled echo of Alice's name replaced it.

It was maybe half a minute later when the soft voice of my best friend came through the phone. "Hey, Bella, what's up?"

"I figured something out. I think I know a way that might help Edward become more comfortable with Marcus."

"Do tell," she said. The excitement in her voice practically matched mine.

"Walkie-talkies," I answered.

"Oh, my God, Bella," she squealed. "Why didn't we think of that before? That's perfect."

"I know," I laughed. "I was just standing outside tonight, trying to calm my nerves about telling Edward everything tomorrow, and just as I was coming back inside the house, I heard Peter and James playing on Walkie-talkies. That's how I got the idea."

"You think he'll go for it?"

"There's only one way to find out. In any case, I have to try. I'll pick up a set before I go to the hospital to see him."

We talked for awhile longer, mostly about what I was going to say to Edward on Wednesday because she asked, finishing our conversation with anything mundane we may have done that day.

After I hung up with Alice, I cleaned up the kitchen, showered, then attempted to go to bed. I was too excited to sit down in front of Charlie and Emmett and pretend I wasn't excited, but I was also too excited to sleep. Getting those Walkie-talkies could make a difference for Edward, and I couldn't wait to share it with him.

-OO-OO-

Before heading to the hospital, I stopped off at Newton's and bought a pair of long range Walkie-talkies. Luckily, Mike wasn't around, and Mrs. Newton didn't question the buy, considering my father was an avid hunter/fisher and he loved camping. Walkie-talkies were only appropriate for that sort of thing.

When I entered the boiler room, Marcus was sitting on the wooden seat at the bench, leaning over something that looked mechanical and complicated. I noticed there was something on his head, a strange looking hat, but I couldn't make it out until he turned around, beaming a smile at me. On his head sat what appeared to be an actual headlight.

I stopped at the bottom of the steps, chuckling. "You look like Inspector Gadget with that thing on," I teased.

"What are you doing?"

His smile grew. "I know it's goofy, but it helps working on small parts much easier."

"What exactly is that thing?" I asked as I approached the bench to get a closer look.

He glanced down at the machine, then back to me, wearing a proud smile. "It's an old radio I found. It's more of a personal project for me. I always wanted one like this when I was a kid, so I figured I'd fix it up and take it home. It probably won't work, but I'll give it a good try."

"I think it's a great idea," I urged. "I definitely think you should fix it up and take it home."

He winked at me. "Me too." His eyes shifted from me to the bag I was holding in my hands. "What ya got there? Something for the boy?"

"Well," I began. "Yes and no."

He swiveled in his seat, completely facing me. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"I can't talk to you when you have that thing on your head," I laughed. He grinned, but took the hat off, setting it on top of the work bench. "What I have in this bag is for you and Edward."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Bella, I've told you before not to get-"

Before he could finish, I reached inside the bag and pulled out the Walkie-talkies. "This isn't food or anything like that, so you don't have to be upset about me getting something for you, because it doesn't just benefit you. I bought these Walkie-talkies for a good reason."

He stared curiously between me and the electronics I held in my hand. "What's the reason?"

"They're for you to talk to Edward and vice versa."

"What?" he asked incredulously. Even though his tone was disbelieving, there was hope in his eyes, a hope I'd never seen there before. "I'm gonna… I'll talk to him?"

I nodded. "We're gonna make this work, Marcus," I promised. "I'm hoping this will ease him into meeting you. If he talks to you, he'll hear in your voice what' I've known all along."

"What's that?"

"That you have the kindest soul I've ever known."

He looked away, but not before I saw his eyes water over. "I don't know what to say, Bella." His voice trembled.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, lightly squeezing as a means to comfort him. "You don't have to say anything. You've taken care of him for seven years, Marcus. You've loved him unconditionally, even when you didn't have to, and even when he didn't reciprocate. It's about time you know him."

He slowly turned his head to look at me, a lone tear sliding down his right cheek. "Thank you, Bella."

I squeezed his shoulder again. "You are so very welcome."

He wiped his face on his sleeve, then cleared his throat and reached for the Walkie-talkies. "May I?"

I nodded. "Please. I'm not really good opening that kind of stuff. I'd probably cut my hand or something."

He laughed. "You are a bit accident prone, so I'll definitely open them and save us a trip to the hospital."

He took them from me and began opening them. "I'm sorry, Marcus."

He stopped opening the partially torn plastic to look over at me with a confused expression. "Why would you be apologizing to me?"

I shrugged. "Because I didn't think of these sooner."

He shifted in his seat, clamping his hands on his thighs, disapproval upon his face. "Don't you go apologizing to me for something like that," he scolded. "You've been coming here about two months and thought of it. I've been with him seven years and the idea never crossed my mind. I guess it didn't because it was clear he wasn't comfortable with me, or anyone else for that matter. That changed when you came along.

"I won't have you apologizing for something like that. Not now, not ever. You've given me an amazing gift right here, and you've given that boy your heart and something to live for. You ain't got anything to be saying sorry about, especially to me."

"I know, but-"

He held up his hand to silence me. "No buts… and no apologies." He gave me a stern look. "How about we get these things working, heh?"

After we got the batteries inside, he gave a basic demonstration of how to operate them. I bit back laughter because I knew how to work them, but the eagerness was back, and I wasn't about to say or do anything to diminish that for him.

"Well, that's about it," he said, smiling at me.

"Alright." I gripped the other one in my hand. "Give me a little while to talk to him and then we'll-"

"I'm not going anywhere. You take the time you need," he responded. "I'll be here."

I took a deep breath and headed to see Edward.

When I entered the room, he was sitting on the mattress, staring toward the wall. "Hey, you."

He turned his head, looking up at me and smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah." His demeanor was the polar opposite of his words.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" I sat down beside him, taking his hand in mine. He knew all too well what Wednesday meant. His eyes drifted to our linked fingers. "What I have to tell you, it could be a good thing. I really think it's a good thing." I needed him to believe that, to know that no matter how tough the road we were heading toward got, we'd go it together, and it would be worth it in the end. "It's about making you more comfortable, but more importantly, it's about getting you out of here and making you happier. You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, right?"

"I do." He didn't hesitate replying.

"I've thought about what we should do. I don't want to lie to you and say that I didn't consider you meeting someone other than me as a possibility, because being out there means being around other people." He immediately stiffened. I gripped his hand tighter. "I know you're afraid, but I would never do that without you knowing first, and I'd never bring someone I didn't trust with my life. Do you remember me talking about my friend, Alice?"

His body was still rigid, but he managed a slight nod. "If I brought anyone, it would be her." I swallowed thickly before speaking the next words. "I would bring her because she's the sweetest person I know, because I trust her implicitly and because she already knows about you."

His fingers wrapped tighter around my hand, to the point the grip was painful, but he didn't move away from me like I thought he might. That was progress.

I faced him, pulling my hand free, with much effort on my part, and worked the stiffness out before I cupped his face in my hands. "Listen to me. I love you. Saying those words, it's not something that comes easy to me, and it's not something my family says a lot, even though we feel it. But with you, it's like breathing. That's how natural it is.

"I love you, Edward. I know you're afraid, but this time you aren't going to be alone. Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to fight every step of the way for you, but I need you to fight with me. I need you to want to fight, because that's what we're going to have to do. Where we've come so far, it's as far as we can go on our own. I think deep down you know that.

"It's going to be tough, I won't lie to you, but I know that whatever haunts you, whatever makes you afraid, you're going to beat it. You are, because you are so very strong. But for those times when you feel lost, when you feel like you can't beat it, I'll be there for you to lean on, to keep you going. I promise I'm going to be there with you. You've been abandoned for the last time."

I watched him as that last defensive wall he held up, even to me, came crashing down. His body shook with sobs as he cried it away. He knew I was right. It was like he felt the conviction in my words, knew what I was speaking was the truth. I could see it in his watery eyes. He was afraid, and there was no question I was too, but getting outside professional help was the only way to move forward.

He reached for me, practically pulling me onto his lap as he embraced me, burying his face in my hair, mumbling words I couldn't understand.

I wrapped my arms around him, choking back my own sobs as I let him do what he needed to. I kissed his face, I ran my fingers through his hair, I rubbed his back - I did anything and everything to soothe him.
Even though I was aching inside, I was doing good at locking it down, being the strength and support he needed. But when he lifted his head and gazed into my eyes, the tears still traveling down his cheeks, leaving patchy trails on his beautiful face, and whispered, "I… I love you, Bella." I couldn't hold them down any longer.

I pressed my mouth to his, catching his tears and mine between our lips. They were raw, but they carried pain, love, hope, fear, so many emotions hidden away in each droplet.

Finally, when our tears subsided, I continued speaking. I asked him if he felt like his fear centered around men, or if he felt like there was a fear of women too. He told me that he hadn't really been all that afraid of me, but he wondered if that was because I was meant to be his. Hearing that made my heart swell and ache with the love I held inside for him.

I told him that I felt meeting Alice was the next logical step before we progressed, that meeting her would be a test to see what we were possibly dealing with and how to proceed before we included outside help. He was reluctant, but agreed that he would attempt meeting her. If we could rule out a negative reaction to Alice, then we would know for sure.

I had yet to tell him I'd spoken with Carlisle. I was working up to that, and had every intention of doing so before I left, but before I did, I wanted to try the Walkie-talkies.

"I have something else I wanna try," I told him. "Are you okay to try or...?"

He nodded, but I could see he was a little nervous. He'd been hit with a lot already, and both my chest and head begged me to stop, but I knew I couldn't. If I stopped, I'd find another excuse to give him time, and he was right… Our time here was running out.

I reached for the portable radio where it was lying on the mattress, and palmed it so he could see. "This is a Walkie-talkie. I'm not sure if you've ever seen one before. It's kind of like a phone, but you are only able to connect with its match. See, usually two comes in a package."

He stared at my hand where only one sat, then leaned forward to gaze around me. "Where's the second one?"

I sighed. "Do you remember how I keep talking about Marcus? How I tell you that he's a wonderful man, and that he cares about you?"

"I… I'm not ready to-"

"I know you're not," I assured him. "And you won't be. But I'm hoping this…" I held up the Walkie-talkie. "…will help you be able to at some point. See, Marcus has the match to this one. He's not going to come in here, and I'm not going to force you to talk to him if that's not what you want to do, but I figured that if you did talk to him, maybe you'd see what I've been telling you about him all along.

"I don't expect it to happen overnight, I can only imagine what you must be feeling to even consider this, but I think that it would be good to try. If it becomes too much, if doing this upsets you in any way, I will turn it right off, and I'll get rid of it so you won't ever have to see it again."

I would do it too, just like I said I would. I didn't want to force him, I never wanted to force him, but I felt like if I didn't give that little extra push, we'd be stuck right where we were, and that was not something I wanted for him.

I handed him the little radio. "I will sit here beside you, I will hold your hand, and I will do whatever you need me to do if you want to try. I'm leaving the decision to you, and whatever you decide, it will be alright. I swear to you it will."

He was silent for awhile, just staring at the Walkie-talkie in his hand. I wasn't sure if he was going to respond, if I'd pressed my luck too much, putting all this on him in one day. The problem was, I never knew what too much was, but I had to try; we had to try together if he had any chance of leading a better life.

I left him in his silence, let him decide for himself, because there was just some things he had to decide on his own – I couldn't do it for him. He finally gripped it tightly, uttering in a low, stilted voice, "This is important to you, isn't it?"

"I want it to be important to you," I answered.

His eyes found mine. "You are important to me."

I knew what he meant, and because of that, I couldn't argue with him, not when I knew I would have done the same.

"If you don't want to-"

"I'll try," he mumbled.

"I mean it. If you don't want to, then you don't have to."

"I want to try… I need to try." I knew that his resolve was as much for me as it was proving to himself that he could do it, that he'd beat his fear.

"Okay. Let me show you how to work this."

I went through, describing how to operate the radio. It wasn't difficult, he grasped it quickly enough. I turned it on, and the sound startled him, but he seemed to steel himself enough to continue, though I could still sense the anxiety rolling off him, thickening the air around us.

I entwined our fingers, bringing them up to my lips and kissing his knuckles to soothe him. "We'll do this together," I promised. "And when you say enough, that's it. It's done."

He nodded, brushing our linked fingers along my lips. He closed his eyes, like he was drawing strength from me as much as himself, then squeezed the button, exhaling a shuddered breath before he spoke.

"H-hello?" he whispered.

The receiver crackled in response, the sound bouncing off the cool walls and resonating through the room. I briefly wondered if Marcus had forgotten to turn it on and was going to go out and tell him to do so when the crackling stopped and a breath came through, followed by a reply that was choked with emotion. "Hello."


-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-

Ending notes:

O que você está... o que você está fazendo comigo? Eu sou... Nunca foi assim. Eu nunca me senti assim. Você me faz sentir tão bem, meu anjo. = What are you... what are you doing to me? I'm... It's never been this way. I've never felt like this. You make me feel so much, my angel.

Eu sinto muito por você, Bella, e às vezes, eu não sei como controlar. Eu nunca almejei tanto algo como eu desejo você, mas I... Eu não sei como colocar em palavras como me sinto quando estou com você, o que você me faz sentir. É como se tudo dentro de mim formigasse, até a minha alma, e eu só quero tocar em você. Eu sinto que cada vez mais estamos juntos. Nós nunca fizemos isso antes, e eu nunca quis mostrar como eu me sinto com meu corpo, não dessa forma, mas eu queria então. = I feel so much for you, Bella, and I don't know how I hold it back sometimes. I've never longed for something like I long for you, but I... I don't know how to put into words how I feel when I'm with you, what you make me feel. It's like everything inside me tingles, even my soul, and I just wanna touch you. I feel it more every time we're together. We've never done this before, and I've never wanted to show how I feel with my body, not like this, but I wanted to then.