Chapter Nineteen - Reveal

My body reacted to what he said immediately, because the words Edward spoke, the conviction within them, sparked an acute longing to be even closer to him than I already was.

The sensation was heady as it traveled through me, causing goosebumps to break out across my flesh. It wasn't just about the physical closeness, though I realized how much I'd honestly grown to need the warmth of his touch in whatever capacity he gave it, even if it was just a mere look from his eyes, it was also about the emotional closeness I'd found with him.

I had never experienced a connection to someone like the undeniable connection I felt toward Edward. I wasn't positive as to whether or not my particular feelings were shared, but regardless of the answer, my heart and soul didn't seem to care either way. Every minute, every second, I was falling deeper, his mark indefinite upon me. I swear it felt as if I was always meant to belong to him.

I'd always been the one to give something, to take care of someone, and though I was doing just that with Edward, it felt different from every other time - I felt like I was being given to just as equally as I was giving. I was a bit confused by that because part of me seemed to understand, yet it was on lockdown from me, other than cryptic sensations I was occasionally granted.

I guess the truth was that Edward was teaching me as much as I was teaching him. He taught me how fulfilling handing over my heart could be, even if he didn't know he owned it, even if it ended up broken later. Loving someone meant putting their needs above your own, but I never realized how gratifying that could be until Edward. I never realized I could love this much.

"Bella," he whispered. "Are you okay?"

His arms tightened around me, pulling me further against him – we were practically meshed together as one being. Of course he'd notice the change in me. He was too perceptive sometimes.

"I'm perfect," I answered… because in that moment I was.

He hummed against me, the reverberation of the sound felt against my back, then lifted his chin from the top of my head, only to replace it with his lips.

I heard him inhale as his lips glided across my hair, felt his chest lift and fall as he sighed in contentment.

I understand, Edward, I thought. More than I can tell you in words.

"Are you ready to go back to the room?" I asked after a moment.

"Are you?"

I chuckled. "Are we back to answering a question with a question?"

I felt him smile against my hair. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?"

"I'm ready if you're ready."

I moved to turn around, though his arms never released their hold on me but did settle around my hips, and looked into his eyes, the emotion behind them making it impossible to speak above a whisper. "I think I am."

His eyes roamed my face, brow furrowing. He removed his arms from around me, lifting them to cup my face, and ran the pads of his thumbs along the skin below my eyes. I still couldn't get over how comfortable he'd become touching me. "You look tired."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just really comfortable."

His eyes shifted to the right and he smiled, like he was remembering a fond memory that only he was privy to. "Me too."

---

We didn't rush going back to the room, and the entire distance Edward held my hand in his. That wasn't unusual for us, because he always held my hand when we were roaming the hospital together, but this time his lips were turned up into a beautiful smile. Something changed between us while watching the fireworks. I felt it, and I believed he felt it, too.

We'd watched A Wonderful Life again, because Edward seemed pretty partial to that movie, but I'd only made it three quarters of the way through before I fell asleep. I hadn't realized I was actually that tired.

Light and dark of the outside wasn't visible to me, so I had no idea whether it was still evening when I woke up. I'd been sleeping rather well, too. Of course I'd been dreaming of Edward, which seemed to be a constant anymore. He'd taken up residence in every part of me, including my dreams, but I wasn't all that surprised by that fact, honestly. There really didn't seem to be many occasions where Edward wasn't on my mind.

Strangely, even in sleep I was quite aware of him, of his movements, so even though the movement he made beside me was a small one, my body sensed that he was closer to me.

My eyelids fluttered open, my vision hazed with sleep. I smacked my lips together because my mouth felt dry. When everything finally came into a clearer view, I focused right on him.

"Hi," I mumbled, lazily smiling up at him. My voice was coarse, so I cleared my throat to remove the dryness.

"Hi," he whispered back. He was propped up on his elbow, head resting in the palm of his hand, body pressed against mine so I could feel the intoxicating warmth that was him - he was watching me.

"You okay?" I asked as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I could tell he'd been awake for some time, and I became worried that watching the fireworks, being so close to outside, may have ended up being too overwhelming for him after all.

He nodded. "Yeah, I was just watching you sleep."

"You were?"

He nodded again. "I like to watch you." He paused as his gaze shifted off me, face appearing beset in thought. Minutes later, his eyes met mine, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. "You talk… in your sleep." He lifted his hand, brushing his knuckles lightly across my cheek. "You said my name. You must have been… You were dreaming about me."

"I was," I affirmed, because I did dream of him… consistently.

"I dream of you, too," he replied. There was no hesitation, no delay to his response. He laid down flat on his back, placing his hands behind his head, staring up toward the ceiling. I assumed his actions meant the end of our conversation, and I really had no inclination to push, though I truthfully wanted to know more. But the moment I laid down beside him, he sighed, then said, "Sometimes… sometimes I think I dreamed of you even before I met you, Bella, that maybe in another life time you must have been mine."

Had there even been a slightest moment before then that anyone could attempt to alter my feelings for Edward, the moment now ceased to exist… forever.

He turned on his side, facing me. The way he looked at me, the emotion that was visible within his eyes, caused my heart to thump wildly in my chest. I felt naked and vulnerable by his stare, because this was so much more than just looking at me. I didn't feel as if he was undressing me with his eyes, but it still felt very intimate.

He scooted even closer, keeping his eyes level with mine, placing our faces just a breath apart. He ran the fingertips of left hand along the underside of my jaw, his lips parted, his breathing elevated, causing the curiosity to know what he was thinking rise.

"O que você está fazendo para mim, Bella?" he breathed. "Eu não sei o que está acontecendo comigo, mas eu sei que é por causa de você. Eu sei que você é uma parte de mim agora, porque eu te sinto dentro do meu coração. Você tem uma casa lá. Eu sempre sinto você comigo, mesmo quando você não é. Eu não entendo como você me faz sentir fracos e fortes." His eyes lowered as his forehead wrinkled in obvious concentration. "Eu queria entender como era possível para alguém se tornar uma força e uma fraqueza, ao mesmo tempo. Gostaria de poder explicar o que estou sentindo, mas eu não tenho palavras para. Você pode vê-lo? Você pode ver dentro do local onde você está? Eu não sei se você pode, eu não sei se eu posso ser o que você precisa de mim para ser, mas eu quero de qualquer maneira. Você pode me mostrar como fazer, Bella?"

He was speaking in Portuguese again, which meant he was saying something that he was more than likely embarrassed or afraid to say for me to understand. I had no idea why, because I tried to assure him on many occasions that he could tell me anything without the worry of something negative afterward, but he still chose to do it anyway. It was a security blanket for him, a way to speak what he wanted to say but know there would be no repercussions because of it. We were still at a partial standstill with verbalizing, and we were both equally responsible for that.

And because of that, because I'd learned that was why he spoke to me in Portuguese, it made the desire to know what he was saying even more needful than it already was. I opened my mouth partially, ready to ask what he'd just said because I wanted to know so badly, though I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me, but the words cut off the moment he whispered my name right before his mouth found mine.

I was startled at first, because I wasn't really expecting him to kiss me again, but the surprise was quickly replaced by the sensation of his lips pressed against mine.

They were soft and warm, the feel and smell of him completely intoxicating. I couldn't think of anything but him, the way his mouth molded over mine, or the heat coming from his slender body that was now pressed fully against me.

I whimpered softly as the fingers of my right hand ghosted gently through his hair, settling at the nape of his neck. It was instinctive moves, both the whimper and the traveling of my fingers, and I tried to fight back the noise escaping my throat, not wanting to alarm him even though he seemed to want to be kissing me, but I failed miserably.

This kiss was so much different from the first one. It wasn't that he seemed more experienced in kissing, but he did seem more confident, and I could feel that confidence in the way his lips moved. It was probably largely in part to me expressing to him the previous time was nice, so he wasn't fearful that I'd reject him or be disgusted by him. It was more than nice, though. It was knee-dropping, even if it was his first time and awkward, but I was afraid to tell him that particular detail. I knew the intensity of sensation I felt was because it was him and because I was in love with him. The emotion made a bigger impact, making the act itself more special.

And my God, there was so much sensation. My skin was actually buzzing under his touch. I felt like my entire body had been engulfed by an ocean of flames, whirling me around in rapturous heat. The heat wasn't painful, though, but it was consuming.

He had no idea how he was affecting me, pulling me under and wrapping me in everything that was him. I was drowning in his essence, drowning in my need to love and heal him, and it was quickly becoming my undoing.
It was almost impossible not to break down and tell him how I felt about him, to let him know that whatever I was now, who I was to become in the future, it was all his for the taking.

But for now, I bit back the desire to unveil myself to him, and instead, let him control the situation as he needed to.

---

I wasn't able to stay the entire day with Edward the following morning because Charlie had wanted to spend an evening with Emmett and me. Edward had kissed me once more through the course of the day, just a light brushing of the lips as we watched a movie together, but I was really getting addicted to the feel of his lips on mine, and he seemed to become more acclimated to doing it the more he kissed me. He obviously seemed to like it too, otherwise he wouldn't keep doing it. At least that's how I rationalized it within my mind, and I certainly wasn't going to ask him to stop.

As much as I missed being with Edward when we weren't together, I had missed my family as well and was really looking forward to some quality time with them, especially since our quality time was pretty well nonexistent these days. So I settled for memories of waking up next to Edward, my head on his chest, and how it felt to have him kiss me to tide me over until I saw him again.

I stopped off at the grocery store after leaving the hospital two hours earlier than normal to pick up what I needed for dinner. Being that it was Monday, it wasn't all that busy, so I was able to get in and out of the store rather quickly. It had been awhile since I'd made a meal that really didn't take much in preparation, so I decided on Peppered Steak – it was Charlie's favorite.

I'd already finished preparing the salad, cooking the meat and was in the middle of warming the brandy – which I'd snickered about while remembering how Charlie nearly had a heart attack the first time I had to ask him to buy the brandy, all because his favorite meal required a small amount of liquor as sauce - to pour over the steaks when Emmett made his way into the kitchen.

"Smells good, Bells."

"Thanks," I told him.

He pulled out one of the chairs, taking a seat as he set his duffle bag alongside him. I could hear him fumbling with something on the table, and then the sound of clinking glass echoed the kitchen. "I… uh… wanted to tell you something."

I tensed instinctively. I wasn't sure why, other than maybe the tone of his voice - he seemed nervous. But I forcibly swallowed back the anxiety, because I had no intention of answering him in a faltered voice. "Okay."

"Well, you know about that concert Rose and I were going to next weekend, right?" He paused, obviously waiting for me to answer, so I shifted my attention from the brandy warming in the small pan to him and nodded, then turned my focus back to the pan. "It's just… she had six tickets and originally had invited Jasper, Alice, Jess, Mike and me, of course. That was great and all, but then we had a problem. Jess had to cancel out, personal problems, so that left an extra ticket. I kinda, well, I kinda told her you'd go in Jess's place."

I dropped the wooden spoon I'd been holding to stir the brandy and turned abruptly on my heels to face him. "You did what?"

How could he possibly think it was okay to volunteer me without asking? He knew better than to do something like that without speaking to me first. And really, how he could think I'd just jump at the opportunity to accept a ticket to go to a concert that I was only considered for because the initial owner of said ticket couldn't go was beyond me.

"It's a free ticket, Bella," he huffed. Jesus, he was seriously acting as if I should be grateful, and that what he'd done was a favor to me. What was up with him?

I went to speak again, to object, but he cut me off. "Besides that, it'll give you the opportunity to let Newton know you're interested so you can stop driving past his house like a crazy person."

So that's what this was about. Mike Newton. I shuddered as the nausea settled in just thinking his name. And sadly, Emmett really did believe he was doing me a favor.

But he wasn't.

I seriously felt like I was on a really bad episode of that show The Twilight Zone called The Sick and Twisted Universe of Hell That Is My Life, staring Bella Swan. And Emmett was obviously Satan. "Emmett, he lives on the highway, I have to drive past his house to get to work. I think we've already established that fact."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, you don't have to drive so slow when you do it."

"The speed limit is fifty-five. My truck can barely do fifty."

Emmett stood from the table, shaking his head. "Always trying to hide from your feelings. It's kinda cute."

He'd barely finished the last sentence when Charlie came strolling into the kitchen. I had hoped he didn't hear our conversation, but the way he stood there, looking between Emmett and me, I realized that he had infact heard at least some of it.

"Who is hiding from their feelings?"

Emmett cleared the distance between Charlie and him, then clasped his hand around Charlie's left shoulder. "Teenagers," he sighed, shaking his head. "They're so naive."

He then left the kitchen, leaving Charlie as confused as ever and me wanting to stab him with a fork or at least beat him over the head with the wooden spoon I dropped.

Charlie looked at me, gesturing toward Emmett with a thumb over his shoulder. "What was that all about?"

"I have no idea," I responded as nonchalant as I could. "But I seriously think you need to rethink Emmett being in football, Dad. He's obviously been hit in the head and tackled one too many times for the small amount of brain cells he has."

He stood there staring at me, probably trying to figure out the situation, before he finally turned around and headed toward the living room, mumbling something about kids and gray hair.

Dinner was eventful to say the least.

Emmett kept throwing out little innuendos about my so called date with Mike the following weekend, the one he volunteered me for, and even though I had not agreed to going, it certainly would not be as a date if I did miraculously decide to go. But when I kicked him under the table to shut him up, he just smirked back at me, puckering his lips and making kissing noises until Charlie frowned at him, telling him to act his age.

"He can't help it, Dad," I interjected, smiling sweetly. "It's perfect case and point why one should not play such active sports when brain cells are scarce to begin with. If he lost anymore, it would be a tragedy."

Emmett may have possibly flipped me off, passing it off as scratching his forehead.

Charlie, on the other hand, tried to chastise me, wearing what I assumed was supposed to be a stern expression, but he was so not convincing; especially since he bit back a chuckle with every other word. "Bella, be nice to your brother."

After I cleaned up the dinner dishes, surprisingly with Emmett's help, we ended up playing a few games of Rummy at the kitchen table, which I sucked at big time. Charlie tried to coach me, but it really didn't do any good to improve my game, or lack thereof.

"Bella, the object is to get rid of all the cards by melding."

"Uh… how am I supposed to meld if I have no idea what that means, Dad?"

Emmett laughed, but my question only served to make Charlie more determined to teach me. "You group cards in approved combinations of three or more cards from your hand, placing them face up in the designated meld area on the table." He lifted a set of three cards in front of him to demonstrate. "You can lay off, which means adding cards to a meld laid down by yourself or a previous player, but they have to form a legitimate meld. And after each turn, you discard a card in the discard pile. You think you got it now?"

"Yeah, she's got it, Dad," Emmett teased. He, of course, knew I didn't.

Charlie seemed pretty pleased with his explanation, so I nodded, though I was still a bit lost. Needless to say, I did not win once. After four rather long hands of embarrassingly failing at Rummy, I called it a night.

Emmett tapped on my door, which was still partially opened, while I was putting the laundry folded on my bed away before I could go to sleep.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Which part?" I asked. "Making fun of me through Rummy, or the fact that you volunteered me to go somewhere without asking me?"

"The volunteering you part. The Rummy, that was pretty funny," he laughed.

"Goodnight, Emmett," I said through gritted teeth.

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry about both."

"Sure you are," I teased. "Oh, yeah, one more thing I'm curious about. Why do you make it a point to slip into good brother mode right as I'm going to bed? This is becoming a pattern with you."

"What? That's not what I'm doing, Bella. I just thought about it from your perspective, and you were right."

"It took you through dinner and four long hands of Rummy to think about my perspective?" I questioned.

"No, that's not… Look, you said Dad didn't know about your crush on Mike, so even though I felt bad about what I did, I didn't want to mention it in front of him." He was being honest, I could tell, but his honesty didn't stop my stomach from clenching when he mentioned me having a crush on Mike Newton.

I couldn't fault him, though. I was the one that led him to believe it. "Thanks."

He shrugged. "You don't have to go or anything, I just thought if you were around him and all, then you'd have the courage to tell him. I'll leave it up to you what you do, just let me know as soon as you can whether you're going or not. I need to let Rose know."

"I will." I placed the last pair of pajama pants in my drawer, then walked over to my bed and pulled down the comforter. He was still standing there, but he wasn't saying anything. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed now."

He blinked, then clapped his hands together. "Right, yeah… well, goodnight, Bells." Just as I went to say goodnight, he started speaking again. "I know I'm not always a big help around here, and I'm going to try to change that, but for what it's worth, Mom would be really proud of how you've grown up. I don't care who you like just as long as you're happy, so-" He paused, then nodded. "Uh… that's all I wanted to say. Goodnight."

He was out of my room and shutting the door after him before I could respond. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what just happened, before I gave up and laid down, my eyes heavy with sleep.
I pretty much fell asleep moments after hitting my pillow.

I'd promised Alice a girl's day on Tuesday, and had made Edward and Marcus aware of that in advance, but I made sure to visit with Edward a few hours beforehand, promising I'd be back there later in the evening to spend more time with him. I could tell he wanted me to stay, but I was still rewarded with a warm smile and him telling me to have fun.

Alice was at my house waiting when I returned, wide-eyed and full of rambunctious energy – her normal self.
She'd purposely kept me uninformed about what we were doing until we were on our way to Port Angeles, apparently for lunch first then pedicures.

I wasn't keen on the idea of someone touching my feet, but Alice insisted, and I'd learned long ago not to argue with the little pixie – it wasn't pretty.

After dining at Bella Italia, which Alice now dubbed as a nickname for me, we headed over to Seaport Salon and Spa for our appointments.

We were sitting in the black spa chairs, reading through outdated magazines, while two older women were rubbing cuticle lotion on our toes above the large basin of water.

"Isn't this great?" Alice practically moaned as her head fell against the chair.

"Yeah, it's lovely," I mocked. Her head snapped in my direction, eyes narrowing, but I knew she wasn't really angry. She was enjoying herself, I understood that, but I just couldn't get over the fact that there was some strange woman rubbing my feet. This particular like was Alice's, not mine.

"Sometimes I wonder about you, Bella." She shook her head, laughing, then went back to laying it against the chair as she closed her eyes.

I playfully stuck my tongue out at her, an act she missed because her eyes were closed, then made sure to turn my attention back to the funny lady playing with my toes.

After the incessant rubbing of my feet, one hot towel that practically scalded my skin right off and hot pink nail polish that Alice chose - which would be taken off at the first opportune moment I was away from her – later, we did a bit of shopping. Well, really, Alice did a lot of shopping - I didn't. I did, however, buy a couple new DVD's to add to Edward's collection, and ended up at Jo-Ann Fabrics where I bought the material and stuffing to fix Lancelot's missing arm.

By the time we left Port Angeles, heading back to my house to gather some items I'd be taking to Alice's because I was staying overnight, I was wore out.

Charlie and Emmett weren't home when we arrived there, but there was a note left for me, telling me that Charlie had to go to Mason County on official business so it would be late when he got home, but if I had the intention of staying with Alice tonight, it was alright, considering.

Alice and I made our way upstairs.

"You know what's funny?" she asked me as she stood in the center of the room, eyes scanning over everything I had scattered around.

I shook my head. "No."

"I can't remember the last time this room looked any different than it does now."

"Why do you say that?" I yanked my overnight back out from underneath my bed, placing it on top of the mattress as I stood up, once again meeting her gaze.

She laughed. "Because it's been the same since…. God, since we were young." She moved beside me near the bed and bent over, wrapping her tiny fingers around a portion of my blanket. "You've had this same purple comforter since you were seven, I think. You're almost nineteen now."

"I like my purple comforter," I pouted. "It's pretty."

"Bella, the lifespan of this comforter is long past," she teased. "Then again, it won't really matter after next month, anyway. We'll be heading off for school."

I paused beside the bed, biting my lip as the queasiness from my nerves rumbled through my stomach. "Uh… about that, I'm… uh… I'mwaitingtogotoschool." I spoke in a rush, knowing full well no matter how much I prayed Alice wouldn't ask questions, that I wouldn't get a reprieve from her doing so.

"You're doing what?"

"I'm… waiting?" It came out more a question than an answer.

"What do you mean you're waiting?" she asked gruffly. "You can't wait. Bella, you're already signed up."

I headed toward my dresser, pulling clothes out that I was planning to take with me before I answered her. And it wasn't as though my movements would deter her from expecting an answer. "I know that, but I can retract my sign up forms."

"You can't do that, Bella. No, scratch that. Why would you want to do that?"

I made it back to the bed and began filling my bag with clothing. "Why do you think, Alice?"

I chanced a glance at her from the corner of my eyes. She was not pleased… at all.

"You're really considering the idea of not going?" she asked incredulously.

I continued filling my overnight bag, keeping my eyes off her now. I couldn't look at her, not when I knew I'd see nothing but disappointment upon her face. I hated disappointing Alice, especially since being in college together was something we'd discussed since we were kids.

"Yes. I can't go, Alice. Not right now." I zipped up my bag, but continued to fumble with the cold, metal teeth of the zipper in order to keep from looking at her.

"Bella, going to college means everything to you," she began, pleadingly. "I know you care about him, I know the idea of leaving him is hard, but you can't just put your life on hold. This is too important, and I don't think he'd-"

"Edward is my life, Alice," I interrupted angrily, my attention now on her. "And to me, that's pretty damn important."

She sighed in agitation, crossing her arms at her chest. "You know I've been behind you one hundred percent when it came to Edward. For God's sake, I've lied for you on many occasions so you could have an alibi to stay overnight with him, but I can't be on board with you putting college on hold, Bella. We've had this planned since we were young. Do you really think he'd be okay with you not doing something that you clearly want to do, something that's important for your future?"

"I don't know, Alice. I haven't really discussed it with him, but it doesn't really matter, does it? I've already made up my mind," I told her.

"What about Charlie?" she huffed. "You can't possibly think he'll be okay with this. You and I both know he won't. And what are you going to tell him as an explanation to why you're waiting, because I doubt you intend to tell him the truth? He'll see right through you and you know it."

"I don't know what I'm going to tell him yet. I'll think of something, but I can't leave Edward right now, Alice."

"If you don't go now, you won't ever go, Bella, and you'll be sacrificing a dream. I don't think he'd want that on his conscience."

I understood what she was trying to do and why, but the idea of leaving Edward now, well, it was not a possibility I was comfortable with. He'd made so much progress, but if I were to go, just leave him now, I feared everything he'd fought to come through would be undone and he'd revert back inside himself. I certainly wasn't willing to allow that to happen.

So I had to sacrifice a dream for now, as Alice put it, but in the grand scheme of things, I really didn't look at it as sacrificing, not when it meant at the end of it all Edward could have the chance at a normal life, one he should have had all along. To me, the possibility of him having that chance, it was a gift, not a sacrifice.

"I'm going to go, Alice, I will," I promised her. "But I just… I need to make sure that he can function just as well or better than he is right now if I were to be gone. I could go to school, I could leave him and do all these things I wanted to do, but when I came back here for him, which you know I'd do, to find him just as broken as he'd been the first time I saw him, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"He's too important to me, Alice. He's such an intricate part of my life, permanently weaved into my soul. What I feel for him, it's not just a summer thing. It's so beyond that. I feel it." I placed my hand over my heart in emphasis. "I love him, and I don't abandon those I love. I just can't do it. I know you're worried about what I'm giving up, but I'm not giving up anything, honestly. I'm just delaying a little. I had a choice to make. It was either leave and risk him or stay and delay my schooling a little. I grew up being loved, had a chance to live a good life. He didn't, and it's about time now that he did."

She sat down on the bed, exhaling audibly. "Charlie isn't going to understand. You know that, right? You aren't Emmett. You're not academically challenged."

I smirked at her reference to Emmett, then nodded. "I know. I don't even want to think about how telling him is going to turn out, and I'm hoping some kind of miracle happens with Edward before then. I don't know what to do, Al. I only know I can't just disappear on Edward."

She paused for a moment, visibly in deep thought, but then her face lifted, eyes sparkling in approval to whatever she'd been thinking. "Well, what if you don't have to?"

I sat beside her, folding my legs Indian style. "What do you mean?"

"It's not a secret that financially you're struggling, right?"

I cocked my head to the side, narrowing my eyes at her. "Thanks for reminding me, Alice."

"That's not what I meant," she assured, shaking her head. "You had told Charlie before that you wanted to contribute, and it took awhile for him to agree, but he finally did. College costs quite a bit, even community college, but it's not as pricey. And you being in college, that's two tuitions Charlie's paying most of on a sheriff's salary - which let's face it, isn't much.

"It could be considered arguable that someone who needs to work a job to help pay for their college tuition and books would be better off going to a two-year community college they could later transfer from. Peninsula College has a main branch located in Port Angeles, and they also offer some classes and programs at a branch campus in Forks. You could even do some of your classes online to minimize your time away from Edward, which Charlie would only know as you working to help afford college costs." She exhaled, then sucked in another deep breath before continuing.

"And if that doesn't work, just remind him Emmett took a year off before going and at least you're still enrolling somewhere." She smiled widely, completely proud of herself for brainstorming a fix all to my situation.

I laughed at her. "Are you sure you don't want to major in law?"

She nodded. "I'm sure. You know me, I'd be too bored." She sighed, then smiled at me, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. I could still see the sadness she was trying to mask. "I'm going to miss you, you know? We always planned to go to school together, but I guess you can always transfer junior year with me."

"Alice, you'll be in Seattle. You won't be that far away from me. We'll talk all the time and I'll-"

"It won't be the same, Bella."

"I know," I agreed. "But I have to do this, Alice."

"I know you do. I hate the idea of the plans we made being postponed, but I'd rather you go to a community college so that you could still be with Edward than not go at all," she explained. "And I know if the roles were reversed and it was Jasper, I'd be doing the same as you, so I can't exactly give you a hard time for it."

I wrapped my arms around her tiny neck, pressing my head against hers. "Have I told you lately that you're the best friend anyone could have?"

"Yeah, I am pretty great, aren't I?" she giggled. "You're pretty lucky to have me."

We both laughed, and the tension that formed between us at the start of the conversation completely disappeared.

Now if only it would be that easy to sway Charlie on the matter.

---

I drove to the hospital to spend some time with Edward before going back to Alice's. Marcus's truck was still in the lot when I pulled in. And after making my way inside, I found him in the boiler room, gathering up everything to head home.

"Hey, Marcus." I waved the moment he glanced up at me.

He finished picking up the last box that was sitting in front of him, but I could hear the laughter in his tone. "I should have known you'd be back here to see him, even if you were supposed to be staying with a friend tonight. Love holds no bounds."

His statement caught me off guard, causing my steps to falter, my words to stammer. "I… I, well-"

He waved me off with his hand. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I'd be a blind fool not see you love the boy. But that's your business, you hear? I say that because you're the best thing that's happened to him. I'd also be a damn idiot to interfere. I might be an idiot, but I'm not a damn idiot."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"You're welcome."

I cleared my throat, anxious for subject change. "He's eaten, right?"

"He has," he answered. "I made sure before I decided to leave. His tray's over there." He pointed to the tray that was resting at the corner of his bench. "I even slipped a note in with his meal to let him know that I'd leave for an hour so he could… uh… do whatever he needed to do. I don't know if he did or not, so you might want to make sure he's comfortable, yeah?"

"I will," I promised.

He winked at me. "See you tomorrow, Bella."

"See you tomorrow, Marcus."

When I entered Edward's room, he was on the mattress, lying flat on his stomach, clutching onto the pillow I used when I stayed overnight with him. The blanket was partially draped over his body, Lancelot's paw sticking out from underneath him. I noticed the portable DVD player was on but was in screensaver mode. He'd obviously fallen asleep during a movie.

Edward was snoring softly, and I couldn't help but smile as I approached him and looked down at his face. He looked so peaceful and seeing that serene expression made my chest swell with satisfaction and love.
The feelings were so overwhelming, the desire to touch him became too much to deny. I sat down beside him as gently as I could, running my fingers tenderly through his hair.

Feeling the way I felt near him, it was a wonder that I was able to manage an entire day in his absence. Nothing I'd ever experienced compared to the emotions Edward made me feel, and it was moments like these when they bubbled over, trying to break through the barrier I forced up to shield them, that my will to keep them hidden was flimsy at best.

My heart ached to express how much he changed me. My mouth struggled against the control my brain forced to speak out the three words that could alter everything if Edward heard them. But he was asleep right now, he wouldn't know. If I whispered them, if I gave into that longing and just whispered those three words I knew he wouldn't hear, maybe it would be easier to hold them back later because I'd been able to say them in his presence.

"I wish I wasn't such a coward to tell you how much you've changed my life," I whispered. "I want to be able to tell you, because it's so hard to hold this inside me now. I feel like I'm going to burst open because I'm feeling so much, but I'm afraid of what could happen if I tell you. I'm afraid of hurting you, and I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you."

I felt the sting of tears, then warm liquid spilling over and traveling slowly down my heated cheeks. "You're too important. You've become everything to me, Edward. I don't know if I'm doing right by you, but I'd like to think I am. I don't want to push you or overwhelm you, and that's become the basis of my fear in telling you how I feel about you."

I placed my now sweaty palms against my jean covered thighs and ran them over the material to remove the dampness. I kept my focus on my hands, which were now resting in my lap, when I spoke again. "But I can tell you now, when I know you won't hear because you're locked away in what I hope is happy dreams.

"I can let you know that even though you think you're different, that you're forever broken, you are the most beautiful soul I've ever met. You've made me fall in love with you." I wiped at the tears that were bleeding over, obstructing my vision. "I'm so completely and undeniably in love with you, Edward."

A gasp sounded to the right of me, and my head snapped in the direction of the sound, panic surging through me, tears still spilling freely down my cheeks. My eyes met a set of widened green ones, proving two things positive.

Edward was now awake. Edward had heard me.

---

O que você está fazendo para mim, Bella? Eu não sei o que está acontecendo comigo, mas eu sei que é por causa de você. Eu sei que você é uma parte de mim agora, porque eu te sinto dentro do meu coração. Você tem uma casa lá. Eu sempre sinto você comigo, mesmo quando você não é. Eu não entendo como você me faz sentir fracos e fortes. = What are you doing to me, Bella? I don't know what's happening to me, but I know it's because of you. I know you're a part of me now because I feel you inside my heart. You have a home there. I always feel you with me, even when you aren't. I don't understand how you make me feel weak and strong.

Eu queria entender como era possível para alguém se tornar uma força e uma fraqueza, ao mesmo tempo. Gostaria de poder explicar o que estou sentindo, mas eu não tenho palavras para. Você pode vê-lo? Você pode ver dentro do local onde você está? Eu não sei se você pode, eu não sei se eu posso ser o que você precisa de mim para ser, mas eu quero de qualquer maneira. Você pode me mostrar como fazer, Bella? = I wish I understood how it was possible for someone to become a strength and a weakness at the same time. I wish I could explain what I'm feeling, but I don't have the words to. Can you see it? Can you see inside to the place where you are? I don't know if you can, I don't know if I can be what you need me to be, but I want to regardless. Will you show me how, Bella?