Monday, February 1, 2010

FK - Chapter Five: Becoming More

I know, this chapter has been a LONG time coming. Now, you all know this is a love triangle fic, and right now, Jas and B are together, and this chapter does have some Jas/B lovin'. If you can't handle that, don't read any further. Now, some good news for our E lovers.... Guess who's coming back next chapter? ;)   
Thank you as always to my amazing beta/editor, Iris. ILY, bb!

Okay, on with the show!

Chapter 5: Becoming More

In the brightest hour of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can't get over you. Can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start
Take these memories that are haunting me

The trip back to my apartment was probably the longest trip I’d ever made. My tires made a sloshing sound against the wet concrete as they coasted down the street toward home, and, in comparison, I felt pretty run over like the road.
It had been hard to pretend that I wasn’t disappointed with how abruptly the night ended, but a situation occurred, needing Jasper’s attention, so here I was on my way back home.  I, of course, took it as a sign.
It was almost as if something cosmic was defying any minute chance of me having any kind of a relationship. There was always something standing in the way of having someone in my life that could end up being my other half. I didn’t understand it, either. I led a pretty decent life, and yet, I was still alone. 
One night impacted the last two fucking months of my life. Who allows that to happen? No one but me, obviously.
I passed the blur of lights coming from buildings on either side of me, my mind overcome with the same thoughts that seemed to constantly bombard me while interweaving with new ones.  I’d never been more confused.
I couldn’t get Edward out of my system, even two months later, then Jasper comes into the picture. Now, not only did I constantly think about Edward, even miss him, the man who I only had one night with, but I had an attraction to Jasper, too. I strongly liked him.
 It was insane, this situation I found myself in. It seemed that something always set me back from moving forward. And honestly, given how I felt, it wasn’t entirely fair to Jasper to attempt a relationship.
 It wasn’t that I was non-committal in the relationship sense, because I was very committal, but the question was… Who did I actually want to be committed to? And really, why was I asking myself this question when one of the two men wasn’t an option?

After parking my car and literally banging my forehead against the steering wheel out of frustration, I took a deep breath, telling myself to quit being melodramatic and made my way up to my apartment.
 Unfortunately, walking into my apartment only reinforced the dramatics. It was funny how the climate changed as soon as you stepped into a place that held no life but your own fucking loneliness and disappointment. That kind of coldness blanketed the air and made you shiver in sorrow. You could even taste it in your mouth.  It was definitely not a fun place to be.
And, of course, feeling that way made me angry at myself because I hated dwelling. Feeling as unhappy as I did was almost absurd, because I had a decent life as far as monetary, but the truth was, I was very unhappy, and there were days when it got the best of me, chiseling away at my insides. What was the point to living comfortably when you had no one to share it with? I guess meeting two incredible men, that it seemed fate had not intended for me, made the desolation that was my life more astute.
I padded through the hallway to my room, heading directly to my closet to pull out something dry. I took off my wet clothes and changed into the t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts. I was home now, so it wasn’t as if I needed to be dressed up anymore.

I threw back my comforter and climbed underneath. I knew Jasper had intended to call if it wasn’t too late, but I might as well be comfortable while I waited. I flipped on the television, settling on Some Like It Hot playing on AMC. 
I snuggled up under the covers, watching Marilynn Monroe do her thing.

Time seemed to pass while I watched the movie, but no phone call came. I lay there waiting, hoping to at least hear his voice before I went to bed. Unfortunately, it seemed that wasn’t going to happen. My eyes fell shut as the exhaustion set in. I dozed off.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep when the sound of banging jolted me awake. I shot straight up in my bed, my heart racing from the sound. The banging started again, and I realized it was knocking. I looked at the clock beside my bed, red lights glaring a twelve o’clock across it. Who the fuck could be knocking at my door at twelve o‘clock?
I grabbed the knee length robe draped over my bedpost, slipped it on, and moved to the door. My only thought was that whoever was at my door had better have a damn good excuse at this late an hour. I opened the door, prepared to bitch someone out, but my mouth dropped open instead. 
“I’m sorry, Bella. I should have waited, or at least called you, but I couldn‘t wait. From the moment you walked out of my door, you were constantly on my mind. Calling just didn’t seem good enough. I had to see you.” Before I had time to process what he’d just said, Jasper was through my door, his arms were on the inside of my robe, already around me, and his body pressed against mine while his lips hungrily moved over my own.
My arms wrapped around his neck, my hands running through his hair and fisting handfuls through my fingers. My body sparked with desire from his touch. 
I pulled my lips from his, gasping for air and trying to manage the ability to speak. I wanted him in the worst way, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated simply because our date didn’t go according to plan. “Jasper, I…” 
He quickly silenced me with one of his fingers against my lips. “No talking, beautiful.” His hands reached underneath my thighs, lifting me up into his arms. I locked my legs around his waist as he walked us toward my bedroom. He crashed his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth.
As my mind realized what was about to happen, what my body was going to receive that it hadn’t in such a long time, I moaned into Jasper’s mouth.

We brushed against the wall in the hallway a few times before we finally made it into my bedroom. I knew we were near the bed when I felt the post rub my leg as we passed it. Jasper climbed on the bed with me still wrapped around him, settling us so that my head was resting against the pillows and he was on top of me.

He was nestled between my legs, but lifted up on his elbows to stare down at me. His eyes were smoldering with lust, and the desire that was apparent within them had me nearly writhing in anticipation of what was to come. 
Once clothing began finding its way to the floor, my eyes darted to his arms, watching the way the muscles twitched underneath with the movements he was making.
He drug his fingers lightly across the flesh of my stomach, goosebumps trailed the path his fingers took.
His eyes roamed from my face down to the parts of my body that were visible to him. I was completely exposed other than my boy shorts. I thought his next intention was to remove them, but he lowered himself back down on me, pressing his lips hard to mine. He parted my lips, pushing his tongue back into my mouth. The taste of him was exquisite, though much different from Edward. The flavor wasn’t quite as sweet, but intoxicating all the same.
The kiss intensified, our lips pushing and pulling hard against each other’s. His right hand moved slowly up my body, caressing. His fingers started off delicately, before they, too, reacted as greedy as his mouth. The feeling actually teetered between pleasure and pain, but the mere act had me so turned on, literally every nerve ending in my body ached from desire.
While his fingers expertly worked over my body, he moved his lips from mine, nipping and licking a trail from my jaw line down my collarbone, moving further down still. 
As his tongue tasted every part of me he could without removing his body from mine, my arousal intensified to the point the juices from my center coated the fabric that concealed it. 
He moved his hands to either side of my waist and began grinding his erection into me. I whimpered loudly when I felt how turned on he was.
He thrust against me a few more times before he moved his left hand between my legs, running his fingers over the fabric and making a trail along the length of my sex. “Jesus, Bella, you’re so…” His words tapered off,  breathy. “I want to feel you. God… I just… I really wanna feel you right now.” He pushed against the material, feeling how wet I was for him. I lifted my hips, using my body to plead for more. But not from his fingers. I knew they could satisfy me to climax, but I wanted something more. I wanted another part of him inside me.
“Jasper… please, I need you,” I pleaded.
There was no hesitation to his actions, no delay to hold him back from what we both needed. And there was nothing graceful about our actions, because we were purely driven by lust, and until he was inside of me, no movement to reach that desired effect would be quick enough for either of us.
There was no clothing left between us, no barrier to stop us from joining. I reached into my night stand, pulling out a condom and handed it to him. He quickly placed it on, then was seated back between my legs. I literally shook with need. I couldn’t wait any longer. 
And I didn’t have to. He hitched my left leg higher around his waist… then he was inside me. My body had been so wound with need that the moment he entered me, I nearly orgasmed. I was on the brink, right there, ready to plunge over the edge of intense pleasure. 
Jasper’s eyes squeezed shut, making tiny slits as he groaned out loudly. He could feel me tightening around him.
His breathing magnified and echoed the room. He ceased movement within me until his body was calmed enough to proceed. I knew that my body’s response was the reason for his paced movements. He needed to find control. 
He continued with slow, steady thrusts, and though it felt so damn good, I needed more from him. I bucked my hips underneath him to increase the pace in which he was moving within me. I didn’t want slow and cautious. It was a reminder of the one before him, the one I was trying to forget. So I urged for much harder and much faster. His eyes locked with mine, and a beautiful smile formed on his face. He knew what I wanted and seemed all too willing to give it to me.
His hips began working harder against mine, so that now he was pumping freely in and out of my body. The sound of slick skin slapping against skin and moans echoed through the room. There wasn’t a place from my chest to my lips that his mouth hadn’t tasted, but he continued to thrust into me with abandon.
I felt the start of my orgasm in the pit of my gut, working its way between my thighs. I knew it was coming, and I thought I had a little more time to enjoy how Jasper felt moving inside me, but he circled his hips, pushing deep within me while hitting my pleasure spot with the tip of his cock, and I came hard, crying out through the pleasure that rocked my body. 
Circling his hips a few more times, Jasper then gave one final, hard thrust into me. His movements ceased and a deep groan escaped his throat as he came. I watched his face, the way his eyes practically rolled into the back of his head and his expression teetered between pleasure and pain. Honestly, it was beautiful to see.
Suddenly, his body collapsed above mine, and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his heart beat frantically while his chest heaved with staccato breaths.
We laid there for some time, calm and quiet, before he finally excused himself to the bathroom. When he came back, he moved beside me on the bed, where we remained, naked, side by side, staring into each other’s eyes. He finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “Do you have any idea how truly remarkable you are?”
I smiled. “No, but I’m hoping you’ll enlighten me with the details.”
He laughed, then leaned forward, giving me a chaste but sweet kiss. “You really are beautiful, Bella, but it’s not just outward, though you are indeed a sight to look at. You have an inner beauty that is rare these days. Not to mention, you have this awesome sense of humor, and you’re unbelievably grounded. It’s like you don’t realize how gorgeous you really are, or maybe it just doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s a bit of both. But honestly, I find you quite amazing.”
“I could say the same about you, Jasper.” I ran my fingers through his damp hair as I spoke. “You’re good to the core, and what you just said made me feel good to the core.” 
He smirked. “Oh, darlin’, I could spend days on end making you feel good to your core.”
My mouth dropped open, and, of course, I had a hard time pronouncing any word due to the fact that my own  seemed to stall at the back of my throat. “Shit, Jasper, if you’re aiming for round two, it’s working rather well.”
He pulled me flush against his warm body, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck, as his laughter filled the room. “Baby girl, I’d have no problem with a round two. As a matter of fact, I fully intended on it.”
I realized swiftly, I was in for a long night.


Jasper and I had been dating a little over a month now, though we weren’t very public with our relationship. The success of his band picked up, and I’d never been more proud of him. People knew his face when they passed him on the street, which was why I preferred our privacy. He agreed after I explained how I felt. I believed what was ours was ours alone, that what we had was not for anyone to have an opinion about. But our affection for one another was never marred by restraint behind closed doors.
I often stayed at his apartment, that was, of course, when he wasn’t commuting to some other city for his band. There were times I’d tag along, but my work schedule made it hard to go very often. I missed him when he was gone, and we talked often while he was away.
I’d made friends quickly with the other band members… Well, all but Alice. It wasn’t for my lack of trying, though. It was obvious to me she had feelings for Jasper, to which he brushed off when I mentioned it, saying they were only friends and I was reading too much into things. I certainly knew better, which was why I was positive she was thrilled when I was unable to attend their shows.
In the time Jasper and I had been together, my feelings deepened for him, but I wasn’t really positive that I was in love with him. I knew that I cared deeply, he made me happy, but I felt like a part of me was holding back, and I wasn’t sure why. I often wondered if maybe it had to do with something that might be wrong with me emotionally. 
It wasn’t that I doubted myself being able to love him, because, in all honestly, who couldn’t? He was the total package; gorgeous, loving, funny and everything that a girl could want. If I had to give an answer as to where I saw myself with Jasper, I would have to say that I was definitely falling for him, I just hadn’t taken the full plunge yet, hence my question about something being wrong with me. 
So, here I sat at my desk, trying to block out the feeling of exacerbation around my dick of a boss while once again contemplating my relationship with Jasper... as far as taking it to the next level. 
He’d been gone for a few days now, touring in Washington, and we really hadn‘t had a chance to speak much. I missed talking to him.
 I had a key to his apartment, so over the last few days, I stayed there, snuggling with his pillow at night. I didn’t feel so alone without him around that way.
Five o’clock came, and I was actually getting off work at my expected time. The plan was to head to my apartment to take care of a few things, grab some more clothing, then go to his place. Though, most of my wardrobe and necessities migrated to his place, I still had a few things I needed.
When I came home, I noticed most of the tenants standing outside. I didn’t see the building in flames, so I had no clue what was going on.
As I approached my apartment building, I saw the tenant below me, Lauren, and decided to ask her. “Lauren, what’s going on? Why is everyone waiting outside? I don’t see fire trucks or smoke.”
Her arms were crossed at her chest. She looked a mix of angry and broken-hearted. “Hey, Bella. You remember when the super said he had the piping fixed in your apartment?” I nodded. “Well, he lied.”
I felt my chest tighten. “What do you mean he lied?” 
Her tone was angry but not directed toward me. “Apparently, he decided to go cheap on us. He wrapped the piping in duct tape, then covered it up with a connector, figuring that would hold it together. He was wrong. It busted today, flooding your apartment and a portion of the second floor before it made its way to the bottom floor, mainly my apartment since I‘m underneath you. What the hell was he thinking?”
“My fucking apartment is flooded?” I shrieked.
“Yours and mine both,” she said through gritted teeth. “It’s a mess. Of course, to save face, he’s putting us up in a hotel until the damage is fixed, but there are things that were in my apartment that can‘t be replaced. I‘m sure you have some yourself.”
“I don’t need a hotel. I have somewhere to go, but fuck. Those were all my possessions in there. Everything I own is in that apartment,” I growled.
“Believe me, Bella, I understand.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Pictures of my deceased parents were in my photo albums, and now they’re just gone. All I have left are memories now, and I’m afraid… I’m afraid over time I’ll forget their faces. I can’t forget their faces, Bella. I needed those pictures.”
My heart ached for her. I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain she felt inside. But she was right. The older we get, the less clear our mind projects our memories.
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her to me. “I’m so sorry, Lauren. I know it doesn’t amount for anything, and it surely can’t bring back your pictures, but I’m really sorry.” I held her to me, letting her cry out her anguish. When her body finally ceased it’s shaking from the sobs, I pulled away to look at her. “I have to go, but I don’t want to leave you if you’re not okay.”
She wiped at the remainder of the tears that were slowly making a trail down her cheeks. “No, you go. Get yourself settled in. I’ll be alright. I need to find out what hotel I’m going to be at and see what he intends to do about the property damage in our apartments.”
“Well, I’m going to have a few words with our lovely super before I leave. I do work for a lawyer, so I expect that we’ll be compensated well for our loss, especially since it was his negligence that caused this mess to begin with.” I was in no way joking around and beyond seething with anger. Lauren’s turmoil only fueled it more.
I searched out Mr. Phelps, our super, and discussed exactly what I expected to be done about the damage. I made it a point to stress that I would round up all the damaged items in my home and calculate the cost to replace what could be and the amount of compensation for what could not… with the help of my lawyer boss, of course.
One mention of the word lawyer and exactly who that lawyer was, he became more cooperative. I also made it clear that Lauren and any other tenants who suffered property damage would be expecting the same cooperation with their personal effects. 
When I finally finished issuing my demands, I gave Lauren one last hug, telling her everything would be alright, and headed back to my car.
I drove the distance to Jasper’s place, anger and dread seeping from every pore of my body. There were many things that could be replaced, but I had old family heirlooms and pictures that most likely were ruined forever.
When I finally got to Jasper’s apartment, I immediately took the steps to his room so that I could find some comfortable clothing to change into. I was too wired at the moment, not in a good way, and I needed to unwind. 
After changing into a comfortable pair of pajama pants and tank-shirt, I strode back down the stairs to make me something for dinner. I was actually in the middle of preparing a salad when my cell rang. I answered it after the second ring, but because of the tune that played, I knew it was Jasper. I was definitely happy to hear from him, but my anger hadn’t completely dissipated yet. “Hey, babe.”
Hey, beautiful, I’ve missed you,” he said.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I answered. It was only after the words came out that I realized they didn’t sound as sincere as they usually did.
He noticed. “Uh-oh. I know that tone. Did I do something wrong?
He was gone, I missed him, and I felt shitty for allowing my anger to interfere with the time we had, intentional or not. “No, babe, it’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I stressed. “You know how my days are at work.” I could practically hear him nod through the phone. “They’re pretty much always a disaster, but it wasn’t work that really topped the fucking cake for me today. I’ve been staying here at your place while you were gone because I've missed you, so I went to my apartment to get a few things and found out that my ass of a super never fixed the piping in my apartment. He put duct tape around it and a piece of shit connector that slid right off, so my apartment, a portion of the building and the one below it is now flooded.”
I heard him gasp at the other end. “Are you serious?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” I responded. “So, I hope you don’t mind an extra guest until it’s fixed.”
You know better than that,” he chuckled. “I love when you stay over, even if I’m not there. I’ll be home tomorrow, so you won‘t be there by yourself anymore. I was actually hoping you’d be around, anyway. I’ve got a friend coming back with me. I’d like you to meet him.” His tone was excited.
“Oh, I get to meet one of your groupies, eh?” I teased. Hearing his voice had a calming effect on me. I realized in hearing his voice, I actually missed him more than I let on.
E is hardly a groupie,” he laughed. “Besides, I think you’ll really like him. I may have to send him out for a few hours when I get home, though. I plan to ravish you as soon as I walk through that door.”
I giggled into the phone as I finished preparing my salad. “Well, I suppose he’ll just have to disappear for awhile then, because I have every intention of allowing you to ravish me.” 
I didn’t think you’d mind.” The laughter turned to sincerity. “I miss you, Bella. More than you realize. I can’t wait to be home and hold you.”
My heart thumped heavily in my chest. “I can’t wait, either. I miss you, too, babe.”
Silence ensued from his end of the conversation. I knew he was thinking, and I wondered if it had anything to do with what he wanted to say. “I really need to go, but I will see you tomorrow. I… I just miss you.”
“I just miss you, too,” I told him. “And I can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ll see you then, baby.”
Goodnight, beautiful.” The phone went silent.
I was excited about him coming home tomorrow and wondered what this friend of his was like. If he and Jasper were close, then he must be great. 
I placed my cell on the counter and grabbed a plate, adding my salad before sitting at the barstool to eat. When I finished, I cleaned up the mess and headed upstairs. It was nearly eight o’clock, still kind of early for a Friday night, but I decided to settle into bed, curling up with Jasper’s pillow to watch a movie.
I was half-way through Cops and Robbersons when my eyes felt heavy, repeatedly closing as I fought to keep them open and finish the movie.
Tomorrow would bring Jasper home, along with the mystery guest that he seemed so amped up about me meeting.