TUS: Chapter Twenty One - One Step Closer

Chapter 21: One Step Closer

So Far Away

This is my life

It's not what it was before

All these feelings I've shared

And these are my dreams

That I'd never lived before

Somebody shake me

Cause I, I must be sleeping

I didn't sleep much Friday night, mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about what Carlisle had said and what that could mean for Edward.

I tossed and turned, trying to shut my mind off, telling myself that I could worry about it tomorrow, but I was honestly afraid of bringing up the conversation with Edward. Things were going well, and I knew the idea of involving a third party would be terrifying to him, regardless of the fact that it was the next reasonable step in helping him. I even feared he'd want nothing more to do with me.

By eight in the morning, I was agitated I'd gotten little sleep. It was a new day, though, and truthfully, I couldn't think past anything but seeing Edward. Talking with Carlisle had really made me anxious to be back at the hospital with him. I had no idea how things would turn out, so I debated on whether I should take one more amazing day with Edward. One more day before I told him what I knew.

If so, I was going to use that one day to hold on as best I could to what we created inside our little bubble. I'd remember every detail, make it memorable for him, and within each action I'd give him every breath, my heart, my soul, everything I was so that he could take that with him on the chance that he wouldn't want me anymore. He had it all, anyway.

I climbed out of Alice's spare bed - she was still sleeping - and woke her up, telling her I was going home. She mumbled in response, then rolled back on her stomach, burying her face in her pillow. I could have stayed a bit longer, but I really just wanted to get home, shower and go to the hospital.

I closed the door softly behind me when I entered my house. I was pretty sure Emmett was still asleep, but I didn't know about Charlie. He'd mentioned going fishing today, so I half expected him to be gone when I got home, but his car was still in the driveway.

I moved up the stairs quietly toward my room, but nearly jumped out of my skin when Emmett threw his bedroom door open, smiling widely when he saw that he'd startled me.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, Sis," he teased.

I glared at him. "Real funny, Emmett. You just scared me half to death."

"I wasn't trying to," he laughed. "Why were you sneaking in to begin with?"

"I thought you were asleep," I explained. "I didn't want to wake you up."

I moved around him, wanting to kick him in the leg or punch him because he stood there laughing at me. I was pushing my bedroom door open, ready to walk inside, when he spoke again.

"Don't forget, five o'clock."

The sounds of his heavy feet - which clearly showed there was extra pep in his step - hitting the wooden floor reverberated through the hallway, but his footing stopped short when I spun around on my heels, completely confused by what he meant, and said, "What are you talking about?"

He turned around, his forehead creased as he stared at me, apparently puzzled as to why I had no idea what he was talking about. "The concert, Bella. Remember, you're going with Mike?"

"Oh, Emmet, I don't-"

He frowned. "You promised, Bella."

"I did not promise I'd go, Emmett," I said, shaking my head.

"But you like Mike," he pouted. "This gives you the opportunity to spend time with him."

"Seriously, are you two? Stop pouting at me. And I never told you to-"

"I was just trying to help and-"

"No, you were trying to interfere when I never asked you to," I said angrily. He looked legitimately hurt by what I said, making me feel bad for being so harsh. "Look, I know you mean well, but I don't need you to set me up with Mike, okay? I just… If I want to go out with him, I'll ask him myself, alright?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry, I just want to see you happy, Bells, and I know you like him. I just figured you were being shy about asking him."

I was thankful I had yet to eat, because my stomach was not feeling well right then. "It's not that… I just, I am happy with the way things are going in my life right now."

If only Emmett knew how much and why.

Of course, of all the times I didn't want it to happen, he had to be observant. "You don't really like Mike, do you?"

No, I didn't, but that was a moot point right now, because if I was honest with him, that would lead to questions that I wasn't ready to give answers to. But I really hated the idea of lying… again.

"It's… complicated."

"Are you going to go, then?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Look," he said, running his hand down the side of his face. "If you don't want to go, I won't give you a hard time about it, and I promise I'll stop interfering with you and Mike, but can you just think about it more before you say no? It's an extra ticket that would go to waste, and other than work, you really don't go anywhere fun.

We haven't, you know, hung out in awhile either. Just think about it, okay?"

I sighed. "I'll think about it."

He clapped his hands together, a goofy smile on his face. "Alrighty then."

I rolled my eyes, laughing at him. "What are you doing up so early, anyway?"

"I'm going shopping with Rose, I guess." He didn't look thrilled about it. "She wants something new for the concert, but I figured she would have already bought something. She's not a patient person. Ah well, it'll be worth it if I can get her into Victoria's Secret." He wiggled his eyebrows.

My mouth dropped open. "You really have no tact at all, do you?"

He laughed. "Have you seen Rosalie's body? There's no room for tact with a body like that."

I didn't actually believe he knew what tact meant, but it really didn't matter. I covered my ears and started toward my room. "I'm not listening to this."

"Listening to what?"

I stopped right at the entrance of my door, turning around to see Charlie walking out of his bedroom, dressed with fishing gear in hand.

"I was listening to Emmett dirty talking about his girlfriend."

He turned to Emmett, giving him his 'I'm not pleased with you right now' look. Emmett just shrugged. "What?"

"Save your hormonal chat for your own time," Charlie chastised. "And preferably not around your sister." I glanced at Emmett, smiling smugly. He went to open his mouth, but Charlie's words prevented him from saying something I'm sure wasn't good. "I won't be home until late, and I know you got that big concert tonight, but I'd like the three of us to go to the diner for lunch tomorrow, so don't make any plans."

Emmett kept his narrowed eyes on me, but nodded. I actually answered. "Sounds good, Dad."

"I'll see you both in the morning, then." He glanced between us, then shook his head before descending the stairs.

As soon as he knew Charlie wasn't in ear shot, he said, "Tattletale."

If his response hadn't been so childish, I might have been insulted. "Yep, definitely a two year old."

"Uh… no," he scoffed. "If I was two, do you think I'd be tapping-"

I groaned, covering my ears again as I hurried inside my room, closing the door and shutting out his words.

-OO-OO-

After showering, I prepared some lunch for me and Edward, then headed to the hospital. I planned on talking to Marcus about the conversation with Carlisle when I arrived there. He had just as much a decision to make on how to proceed as I did.

I found him in the boiler room, not that I expected any different. He never strayed too far from Edward when I wasn't around. He looked up as soon as he heard the door close, smiling. "There she is. Good morning."

I smiled back, taking the last step and walking toward him. "Good morning, Marcus. How are things going?"
He lifted up a box of miscellaneous parts from the floor. "Things are well. Lots to do, but you can see that just looking at this place." He laughed and started walking past me.

"Hey, Marcus?" He turned around to face me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

His brow furrowed in concern, obviously gauging my expression, but nodded. "Sure. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Actually, it's about Edward."

He stepped toward the bench, placing the box on the top. "What about him?"

"Well," I began. "I don't remember if I mentioned it before now, but my best friend's Dad is a doctor. I sort of talked to him about Edward last night and-"

Marcus's eyes widened, his body stiffened. He looked completely horrified. "My God, Bella, they aren't gonna come take him away, are they? He's not… I can't just let them force him to do something he's not-"
I held up my hands, slightly waving them in front of me. "No, it's not like that, Marcus. I didn't tell them who or where Edward was."

His body partially eased. "So no one's coming to take him?"

"No." I shook my head. "Alice knows about Edward." He tensed again. "It's okay, though. She won't say anything to anyone."

"I just… I worry for him."

"I know you do," I said. "I do too, but I trust her completely. And honestly, if it hadn't been for Alice, I wouldn't have the information I have now."

"What information?"

"About what could be wrong with Edward," I replied. "See, we sort of embellished a little. We told her Dad that we watched a program on The Health Channel, then described fictional people who were essentially hermits and people that were abused. We followed that with Edward's history, but again, used a fictional character."

He appeared hopeful now. "And he told you what was wrong with him?"

"It's more a case of what could be wrong with him. He can't really determine for sure without seeing Edward, but he said it's possible that he suffers from several phobias."

"You think that's possible?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. But if that's what we're dealing with, there are different types of treatment to help him. It's just… it's such a big step for Edward to take, but he's been here seven years, Marcus, and he needs to be outside in the light. He can't truly grow in here."

"I know that," he whispered. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at ya. I just can't stand the idea of him being locked up in some home, being forced to be around people who are actually crazy is all."

"I won't allow him to be locked away, and I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want to either, but I feel like we're enabling him by not doing more than what we've been doing. He's come a long way, but I'm not a doctor, neither are you, and I don't know what else to do myself. I just… I'm stuck, you know?" I sighed, my chest feeling heavy. "I don't know what to do, and I'm trying to make decisions that are best for him, because he deserves the very best, but I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. I can't do this alone."

"You don't have to," he assured me. "You know, I've spent the last seven years believing I've been doing right by that boy, and I guess maybe I just made things worse for him. I didn't mean to, because I'd never want to do anything to hurt him, but I couldn't stand the idea of him feeling another ounce of pain, so I let him do what I thought he needed to."

"It's because you love him."

"So do you, but unlike me, you use your head. I just thought he needed time and a place where he could feel safe. I didn't think about what being here so long might be doing to him. I told myself that being here was better than him being taken and locked away in a mental hospital. Ironic, isn't it? It's exactly what happened to him. I did exactly what I tried to prevent." He shook his head as his shoulders fell forward, the guilt he was feeling making him look older, defeated.

I stepped forward, placing my hand on his forearm, hoping to console him somehow. "You didn't force him to stay here. There's a difference."

"But I didn't try to show him that not everything out there would hurt him either." He gestured toward the ceiling. "I didn't do that when I should have, Bella. All he knows of that out there is ugly to him. He became my responsibility, one I took willingly, and I failed him. I just wanted him to know that he had one person on this earth he didn't have to fear, that I wouldn't force anything on him. He never had anyone care. I could tell that the first night I saw him. No one that had any kind of feeling inside them would do to that boy what they did."

"Marcus, you did your best... and you did what you thought was best for him. It's not like you were expected to know what to do."

"I should have found out what to do. I should have done more." He stepped away from me and began pacing the floor. "I messed up, Bella. I messed up, and that boy is paying for my mistakes."

"That's not true," I said, moving toward him. I wasn't going to let him take this all upon himself. "What you did, it wasn't vindictive. It wasn't about making him suffer or hiding him away because you were trying to be cruel. You were protecting him in the only way you knew how. He wouldn't have left, Marcus, and you know that as much as I do. That's why you tried to make him comfortable here, to give him something normal in a non normal situation. You were only trying to make things better for him.

"For him to leave this place then, someone would have had to come in here and remove him, and I really feel if that had happened when he first came here, it would have traumatized him more. He may not be the same person he is now. What you did for him was about love and helping him. It came from your heart. You should never feel guilty for that. You took care of him, and things obviously went the way they were supposed to."

"Or maybe he was just waiting for you to find him, Bella."

I blushed. "I don't know about that."

"I do." There was no doubt he believed what he said. "I did what I could for him, even if it weren't exactly right, but these changes in him, they didn't happen till you came along. If it's just like you said, things happened like they were supposed to, then you were supposed to find him and make him whole."

"I think we both were, Marcus. I think you were always supposed to be his family, and I was always supposed to love him." My vision blurred with unshed tears, and my chest swelled with the emotion of how true those words felt. "But Edward, he did the hard part. He's so strong, stronger than I think he even realizes. That's his gift." My lips pulled up into a small smile as I thought about how much he'd already overcome.

"And yours is compassion and unconditional love. You got a big heart inside you, Bella. Don't make it seem less than it is."

"So do you," I told him. "Even if you don't believe it."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "Yeah, well, I can't take the credit for that." His eyes shifted toward the blanketed door. "You go on and be with him now. I'm just gonna finish up here."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Umm… Bella?"

I had started toward the door, but stopped, turning around when he called out to me. "Yeah?"

He scratched his forehead, sighing. "If you… uh… think this doctor can, you know, help the boy, then you have my blessing. I know he's gonna have to leave here to get better, and that's all I wanted for him, but he's got a home… with me… if he wants it."

"I had no intention of letting him go anywhere but your home."

"I always hoped he'd want to know-" He paused, then shook his head, waving his hand for me to go. "You go on and see him now. I'm gonna head out for a bit, give you two some time alone. I just… Will ya just talk to him before you do anything?"

"I will," I promised. "And Marcus? He will know you. If it's the last thing I do, he will."

There was nothing but silence coming from Edward's room when I traveled down the hall. I wondered if he was still sleeping, so I quieted my steps, peering into the room to see if he was asleep. I couldn't help but smile when I saw him lying on the mattress with Lancelot beside him, his hands partially above him, holding onto his iPod.

The earbuds were in his ears, so I knew he wouldn't hear me. Yet, even though he was laying there, his focus on the tiny electronic machine in his hand, he seemed to sense me. He dropped hi s hands against his stomach, and his eyes instantly focused right on me. That was enough to make my breath catch, but when he smiled that wide, beautiful smile that actually made my body ache from the amount of love I felt for him, my knees nearly gave out.

He sat up, pulling the earbuds from his ears. "Hi."

"Hi," I breathed. "Listening to anything good?" I asked as I pointed toward the iPod.

He laughed. "It's all good, Bella."

That statement affected me much more than it should. "So… uh…" I paused, clearing my throat. "What were you listening to?"

He glanced down at the iPod. "She Is by The Fray."

I smiled. "That's a good one." I took a seat beside him, hearing what sounded like paper crinkling underneath me. I reached under the blanket, pulling out a People's magazine. "Where did-"

"I saved it," he whispered.

"What do you mean?"

He pointed toward the doorway. "He brought me things before. I didn't always read them, not the magazines anyway. I put a few of those underneath here to keep." He pulled at the material of the mattress.

"He brought you books?" He nodded. I glanced down at the mattress then back up to him. "You've had some magazines hidden under the mattress?"

"Just a few," he clarified. "For later. They had pictures and seemed so real. I thought I might need to, and I met you, so I knew I needed to… I wanted to know what was going on out there for you, even if I wasn't out there myself."

"I understand that you feel that way, but you know you don't have to hide things like that, right? You can talk to me about anything."

His eyes lowered to his lap. "I don't have the experience you do, and I wanted to learn more. I didn't want to be stupid about things that are important to you. I wanted you to see I could be smarter and care about what you care about."

I immediately leaned forward, wrapping my hand around his neck and pulling him toward me, pressing our foreheads together. "Oh, Edward, you aren't stupid. You may not have a lot of experience with the world out there, but you aren't stupid for it. You know things most people that have never gone through what you have don't."

I scooted even closer. "You aren't superficial... and you're so good inside. You're honest, giving, and you're that way even after surviving the things Aro did to you. What you know, it's self taught. You are naturally smart. I mean, you learned a second language, learned how to read, to take care of yourself, and you did that all on your own.

"There are people who have been a part of the world you don't know all their lives that can't manage to learn the things with someone's help that you have on your own. Don't for one second think you need to be anything more for me than you are, because I happen to think the man you are is quite perfect for me already."

His lips found mine, soft and warm, kissing me with so much emotion, making me feel so much that my head actually felt dizzy. But all too soon, he pulled away, both of us breathing heavily.

I leaned back, exhaling fully, attempting to calm my overactive heart. "Did you… did you want to maybe look at some of those magazines and talk about them?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I wanted to know what was going on out there, but I guess it was more about you than anything." I wasn't sure what he meant, but he seemed to grasp my lack of understanding. "I know what you already told me about your life, but I wanted to see things out there through your eyes. I won't find that in the magazines, but I didn't want to ask you."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want you to think I was invading your life."

I stared at him incredulously. "You can't invade what you're already a part of." He blinked, then a smile pulled up the right side of his mouth. "You can ask me anything you want, but on one condition."

The smile fell and he eyed me nervously. "What's the condition?"

I smiled, hoping to reassure him that it was nothing he needed to fear. "You wanting to know? I want you to do it for yourself, because I want you to want to leave this place. I don't want you to do it because you think it's what I want. You have to want this for yourself. I'll tell you whatever you want to know to help you."

"Will you… will you be-"

"I'm not going to leave you," I promised. "Not in here, not out there."

So I sat there, answering his questions. I told him what Forks was like, described in detail how summers and winters were, explained what holidays were. I told him what people did for fun, told him who the President was, told him about people I had met, funny and sad things I experienced. He seemed completely enthralled by all that I had to say, and he'd chime in occasionally with a question, but overall just listened.

I described what everyday life was like from my perspective. I even talked about grade school all the way through high school.

"I never went, because Aro didn't allow it, but I read about it in books. I was lucky enough to have that."

"You could go… when you're ready. It's never too late to go. There are classes you can take online, so you'd just do it over the computer. I can bring my laptop for you to use. We'd need your information to apply, but I'm sure you could-"

"What information?" he asked quickly.

"Umm… You'd need your full name, birth date, social security number. Things like that. You already-"

He cut me off. "I don't have any of that."

"Edward," I started. "I know you know your name and birth date."

"But I don't know my social security number, so…" His words trailed off as he turned away from me, facing the wall.

I moved off the mattress, crawling in front of him, kneeling between his legs. I cupped his face in my hands, bringing his eyes level with mine. "There's more to it than just an unknown social security number. What's wrong?"

"Can… can people find you like that?" His voice was just above a whisper, but even with as low as he spoke, the fear rang loud and clear.

"Are you worried about Aro?"

"I can't go back there, Bella."

I loathed Aro, there was no question about that, but it was moments like these when the hate for him burned deeper. "You won't have to… ever. I mean that. He can't hurt you anymore, even out there. We're going to beat this, beat what he did to you. This time, you aren't alone."

-OO-OO-

After lunch, I sat and watched him as he slept beside me, thinking about everything we'd shared here, knowing this would all come to an end soon. But my decision felt right, especially after he showed so much interest in what happened outside of this place.

I could see how much the idea of going to school appealed to him, but he was afraid. Of course he would be.

So I offered to teach him myself. It wasn't something I planned to do permanently, because I wanted him to experience what it meant to truly live a normal, healthy life, but in the meantime, I'd give him that. Everything I promised was about preparing him for living outside these walls, because what was outside these walls was approaching pretty quickly, but I also knew that was the only way we could really move forward.

He'd been lucky no one had discovered him yet, discovered us together, and he'd been lucky that he hadn't been so sick he needed a hospital. It was about time he had some luck, but everyone's luck runs out eventually. One of these days, someone would show up, whether it was just some random person checking the place out or it was someone looking for me. I knew our time was running out.

That was why I decided that he needed to be introduced to someone other than me. He needed to be comfortable with another person around before he was forced to do it unwillingly. I understood what having those phobias could mean, but I also understood that having phobias may not even be the case. I needed to attempt this for him, make it on his terms. We were at a standstill now, and he couldn't progress if we didn't make it happen. I had wanted one more day, but my mind told me it was one more day too long to talk to him.
I sighed audibly, overwhelmed by all that was going on inside my mind, then pulled Lancelot into my lap. I wrapped my fingers in the marred fur. He was just as broken on the outside as Edward was on the inside.

"I'm gonna fix you," I whispered to the bear. "I promise I will."

Edward chuckled beside me. The sound was melodic, practically pulling my head in the direction of the sound like magnets.

He reached up, running his fingers lightly across my forehead. "Why the lines, Bella? They make you look sad." He was way too perceptive sometimes.

I grabbed his hand, placing a gentle kiss against his palm, then entwined our fingers as I lay them in my lap, resting our joined hands on top of Lancelot. "I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind."

He squeezed my hand. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not yet," I told him. "I just want to stay with you like this a little bit longer, okay?"

There was a deep concern within his eyes, but he didn't press. He just nodded. "Do you want me to hold you?"

I smiled. "I think I'd like that."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled us down onto the mattress so that my head was resting against his chest. He pressed a kiss against my hair, and I listened to the rhythmic thumping of his heart while enveloping myself in the warmth and scent of his body. Other than his voice, no other sound had ever been more beautiful.

-OO-OO-

We'd been staring into one another's eyes, I'm not even sure how long, when I just blurted out, "I want to cut your hair."

He grinned at me. "What?"

I laughed. "Sorry, that was kind of random, wasn't it? I just… I really want to cut your hair for you. Will you let me?"

"Is it really that important to you?" he asked. "I can-"

"Yes," I interrupted. "I want to do something for you, even if it's something as simple as a haircut."

"Okay," he whispered. The smile was gone, replaced by confusion.

God, I wanted to know what he was thinking.

I immediately sat up and reached for his hand, pulling him up off the mattress, attempting to keep my tone light and carefree. "Come with me."

"Where are we-"

"Just to the bathroom to cut your hair, then I'd like to take a walk with you," I explained. "We're the only ones here, and besides, that's where the scissors are."

We walked hand in hand to the restroom. I knew he could sense something was different. I'm not even sure if he was aware of what it might be, but it was obvious by the way his forehead was creased he was in deep thought. I could only imagine what he might be thinking, yet he still followed me willingly, trusting me like he always did.

When he entered the bathroom, I scanned the room for a suitable place for him to sit. He was too tall for me to attempt to cut his hair with him standing. I spotted a large metal looking crate that was tipped over inside one of the shower stalls.

I hadn't noticed it before now, so I figured Marcus may have brought it here to use for cleanup. I lifted it, making sure the bottom was upright, and looked at Edward, tapping the crate so he'd understand to take a seat.

He was just about to take a seat when I said, "Wait, we need your hair wet."

He eyed me strangely, but smiled anyway.

"Come on." I motioned toward the shower. He stepped inside and just looked at me. I chuckled, because this was highly awkward, especially after the last time we were near this shower together, but I turned the handles on, getting my shirt a little wet while setting the temperature. "Can you bend over and just stick your head under the spray to wet it?"

He did as I asked, but stumbled forward, completely drenching his shirt. I think he was stunned at first, but when he righted himself, he began laughing so hard, the sound deflected off the shower walls. "I'm… soaked."
His laughter was so loud and joyous, I couldn't help but laugh with him. "You certainly are."

He pulled on his shirt, but you could actually hear the sound it made as the fabric lifted of his skin. "It's sticking to me."

The incident was funny, yes, but he didn't seem too comfortable wearing a wet shirt. It was pretty obvious with the way he kept pulling the shirt away from his skin, and it was starting to drip on his pants. "We can go back to the room so you can get a new one, then come back."

"I'm alright."

"Edward, you're uncomfortable, and it's getting your pants wet. We can go back or you can just take that one off."

He lowered his eyes, swallowing thickly. "I'm not-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

He shook his head. "It wasn't-" He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous tick of his. "My skin, it's not-"

"Hey." I stepped toward him, placing my hands on his forearms. "Please don't be ashamed of your scars." I made sure his eyes were staring back at mine. "I know… I know you have them, but they won't change what I feel for you. I know how they happened, but they're there, they're a part of you. And I…" I lowered my eyes. It wasn't a conscious move, but I was still getting used to the idea of telling him how I felt about him. "I love you, so that means I love every part of you… scars and all."

"It doesn't bother you… to see them?" he asked.

"Of course it bothers me," I answered honestly. "But not in the way you think. It's how you got them that bothers me. But you don't have to take your shirt off if you don't want to."

"I've just never-"

"I know you haven't, and you still don't have to if you aren't comfortable doing so."

"I want to." He was still visibly tense, but he slowly removed the shirt, bunching it up in his hands, and moved right to the crate to sit down.

This was the first time I'd seen him without a shirt. I'd seen some of his scars before, but only because the shirt he'd been wearing pulled up. In the back of my mind, I registered that my silence and lack of haircutting was probably making him more nervous about sitting there shirtless in front of me, but even with the rigid scars that had once been open wounds, he was so beautiful it actually hurt to look at him.

He shuffled in his seat, anxious. "Bella?"

"You're beautiful." The filter between my mouth and brain was pretty well nonexistent.

He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at me, those long lashes fluttering as he blinked. His expression was blank as his eyes searched my face, and I worried I may have overstepped. But relief shot through me the moment I caught the spark within his eyes, the one that thrilled my heart to see, flaming and his lips turned up into a smile.

I smiled back, blushing. "I'm just gonna… I'm gonna cut your hair now."

We discussed easy topics as I stood there, trimming his hair. I figured that was best because the walk around the hospital was meant for the subjects I knew he wasn't going to like. I mentioned buying what I needed to fix Lancelot's arm, and I actually noted the smile in his tone when he thanked me.

Somehow we ended up on the subject of music. He started naming off some of his favorites off his iPod, and it was in the middle of that list that I remembered the concert tonight. I groaned, not intending for the sound to actually hit the air, but it did.

Edward's body immediately became rigid. "Did I do something wrong?"

I dropped my hands to my sides, causing the scissors to lightly smack against my right thigh. "No… no, you didn't. I just forgot about something I was asked to go to."

He turned around, looking up at me. "Do you have to go?"

"It's not that I have to go. It's just… Emmett, my brother, he asked me to go to a concert because he had an extra ticket. I know he really wanted me to go and all, and I may have wanted to go if he hadn't been interfering in my life and trying to fix me up with someone. And I know he said he'd stop, but it might be different if-" The words caught in my throat at the exact moment he exhaled a loud gush of air.

He stood up. "What do you mean 'fix you up with someone'?"

The question, it wasn't just asked out of pure curiosity - he was worried. I had opened my mouth, not meaning to, but my frustration was eating at me, and it came out at the most inopportune time. I had made a stupid mistake, and now he was troubled because of it.

This was not how I saw things leading up to our talk. I hadn't wanted to bring more tension into an already tense situation. So I stepped toward him, trying to keep as little distance between us as possible, hoping to show him it wasn't what he thought. "I know how it sounds, but I just need you to understand it's not like that. I don't… I mean, that's not what I want."

He was staring into my eyes, silently pleading with me. I could see the worry and pain there. I knew without asking what those fears were. He didn't feel he could compete with someone on the outside, because to him, he wouldn't be enough in comparison.

I told him I loved him, I tried to show him constantly that I was his, but how could I expect that he wouldn't be insecure when our lives had been so completely different growing up? He had matured so much emotionally and mentally, but being inside this place, locked away in a single room every day, it was hindering his ability to grow further, to be the person I knew he could be.

"Bella, am I going to-"

He didn't even finish the sentence before his lips were against mine.