TUS - Chapter Fourteen: A State of Serenity and Rapport

 

"Look After You"

If I don't say this now I will surely break

As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you, won't you be the one I always know?

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt

My love she leans into me

This most assuredly counts

She says most assuredly

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Be my baby

I'll look after you

It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own

"Bella?"
"Uh, yeah, Alice, it's me."
"Sorry," she whispered, her voice gritty. "I had just dozed off when you called."
I laughed. "Well, we had a late night, so I'm not surprised. I took a nap earlier myself."
She chuckled loudly, but the sound was interrupted midway by a heavy yawn. "God, sorry about that," she giggled. "Did I hear you say something about needing a favor?"
Our comfortable exchange had minutely distracted me from the reason I'd called to begin with, but now, well, now I was once again stressed. My whole body felt weighted by it. I had no idea if calling her was an entirely smart idea or how much I could and would tell her, but I knew in asking for her help, she was going to require something in exchange. And truthfully, even though I trusted Alice with my life, it wasn't my life I was concerned about. But in order to pull this off, to be able to stay the entire night with Edward, I needed an alibi and complete secrecy when giving it. Alice was the only one who could give me that.
"Yeah," I responded nervously. "I did." I was positive she could hear the tension within my voice.
There was silence on her end as she waited for me to continue and silence on my end because I had no idea what my approach was yet. It wasn't as if I had a great deal of time to think this through, so I needed the quiet to mull over what I should say to her.
"Well?" she finally asked, breaking through the dead air. "What's the favor?"
I still wasn't entirely prepared, but I bit my lip as I readied myself to speak. Here goes nothing, I thought. And instead of speaking articulately, my response came out in a garbled rush. "Ineedyoutogivemeanalibi."
"I…uh…blah, blah what?" She was clearly mocking me. "English, Bella."
I groaned out of frustration directly into the mouth piece, running the fingers of my free hand roughly through my hair. "I need you to give me an alibi."
"Oh, so that's what you were saying," she smirked. "What for?"
"The entire night," I murmured.
"WHAT!" She practically squealed. "What are you up to, you naughty girl?" I had no doubt the wheels were turning inside that brain of hers, running through a plethora of scenarios leading me to asking such a request and none were appropriate.
My face flushed in embarrassment at her words, and I responded immediately without ideating how I should actually respond. "It's not like that, and I can't get into a lot of detail right now, Alice. I promise I'll explain what I can later, but please, I just need to know if you'll help me. I really need you to do this for me. It's important."
Way to go, Bella. That statement in itself would obviously fuel the "need to know" fire.
"Oh, no, Bella Swan." I could hear the sound her head made through the phone as she shook it, her tone firm when she spoke. "No info, no alibi."
"Alice, please… I just-"
"I said, no info then no alibi," she interrupted. "Whatever this is, I can keep a secret, Bella. I can. But you're asking me to lie to my parents, to your dad. And as much as I hate lies, I'll do it for you, Bella. For you I would. It's just… don't you think that at least entitles me to some honesty? That I at least deserve a reason why I'm lying?"
As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I was asking her to do something she hated doing, something I hated asking her to do, and I was expecting her to do it with nothing in return from me.
"Okay," I sighed. "I'll tell you what I can. Will you at least settle for that?"
"Deal!" she exclaimed.
"And I'm taking you at your word, Alice. You can't say anything to anyone, no matter what."
"Bella," she laughed. "I promise. Cross my heart."
"There is… someone," I began hesitantly. Alice gasped, and I continued speaking immediately to clear her suspicion. "But it's not like that, Alice. We aren't a couple. He's just… things aren't good for him; in fact, they're pretty bad. He has no one to turn to, no one who cares what happens to him. And I just can't… I'm the first person he's really let inside, the first person he felt like he could maybe trust, and I can't walk away from that, from him. Not now. Tonight was really bad for him, and I can't leave him alone. That is why I need you to cover for me."
She remained silent for a few moments, and when she spoke again, her tone was soft, understanding. "This person… they're really important to you, aren't they?"
"He is," I answered; no delay, no hesitation.
"I can tell." And for some reason, because of the way she acknowledged Edward's importance to me, my heart began thumping wildly in my chest. "Well, how and where did you meet him?"
"It's complicated."
I knew she was waiting for me to explain further and when I didn't, she finally said, "I suppose that's all you're going to tell me, right?"
"It is. I'm sorry, Alice. I know it's not much, I hate that, and I don't want you to think-"
"I get it," she told me, cutting me off. There was nothing in her tone that indicated anger. "You probably feel as if you're betraying him by saying anything more."
I nodded, though I knew she couldn't see me. "As much as I trust you, it's not my story to tell."
"I don't know him or his story, but I know you, and if you say this is important, then I believe you." The tension coiled through my body dissipated, and I felt unbelievably grateful for Alice. "I'll be honest, Bella, I am curious about all this. I do want to know who this person is and what makes them so important to you that you'd lie to your dad and keep secrets from me, but I know you wouldn't do it unless you had a good reason. I also know when to let things go and to be patient and wait. It's not always easy for me, as you well know, but I can do it. I can also be discrete. And I know if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same for me. So you just tell me exactly what you need me to do, and I'll do it."
I swallowed thickly, forcibly beating down the emotion caught in my throat. "Thank you, Alice."
"You're welcome," she laughed. "Besides, it's kinda cool, this whole secrecy thing. I feel all covert, like I'm on a secret mission or something."
I chuckled. "I guess that's one way to look at it."
I could hear the smile in her words. "It really is." Silence ensued from her end, and suddenly, the air around us changed. I knew the seriousness of what she was going to say before she even spoke. "Can I ask one thing, though? You don't have to answer or anything, but I just have this feeling, and I guess I need to know if I'm right."
"Okay."
"This guy, is there someone after him? Is that why you can't tell me anything more?"
"Honestly, Alice," I started. "I don't know. It's a possibility, and because of that, I can't risk him. But it's not all about that, you know? I hate being so evasive with you, but this isn't about me, it's about him, about what he needs."
"It's not the mob or anything, right? Please tell me you didn't get mixed up in something illegal with this guy?"
"No, Alice." I laughed, actually snorting at the inanity of her question. But I understood her concern and then again, I really had no idea what Aro dappled in. I'd only just learned his name and the fact that he was abusive, but as far as any other details about him, I was oblivious to them.
"Okay, good," she breathed in relief. "So, what do I need to do?"
I then explained to Alice that I was going to call Charlie and tell him I was staying overnight with her again. Timing couldn't have been more perfect because she informed me her parents were gone for the evening, attending some charity ball in Seattle and weren't expected home until Monday morning. Neither was keen on driving home, knowing it would be late when the ball was over so they'd settled for renting a hotel room instead of traveling back at such a late hour. She said she'd call them and tell them I was staying over so she wasn't alone.
She asked if there was anything else, and though I hadn't really thought about it before she asked that question, with all things considered, it would be nice to actually sleep in something comfortable if I was going to be sleeping in an old, abandoned hospital on a cold floor, so I asked her to bring me some of her pajamas.
Of course, this was the point where I had to lie to her, telling her Marcus had asked for my help so she wouldn't questions about why I was at the hospital, and it wasn't until I was here that I knew I'd need her help, but if I went home I'd have to lie to Charlie's face, and I knew I couldn't do that. That was part of it, but truthfully, I wasn't willing to leave Edward. And sending Alice to my house to grab clothing for me was not a possibility because it would be too suspicious. Nothing I said was well thought out, but she seemed to accept it, and really, that was all that mattered. She agreed, telling me she'd be around in about fifteen minutes. I called Charlie as I waited.
And fifteen minutes and a lot of pacing later she showed up, handing me a paper bag with everything she thought I'd need for the night. I quickly thanked her, giving her a hug and telling her that Marcus was probably wondering where I was, then ran back inside.
I never stopped running, even when I nearly lost my footing, not until I reached the boiler room. I stood outside that door, hand pressed against my chest as I fought to recover my breathing. I pushed the blanket back and opened the door, moving down the hallway at a steady pace. The closer I got to his room, to him, the more reposed I felt.
As soon as I stepped over the threshold between his room and the long hallway, his eyes immediately sought out mine, and his rigid body eased against the cement wall.
"I'm sorry I took so long," I said as I approached him. I quickly sat down beside him. "There was something I had to take care of before I could come back."
His head cocked to the side, curiosity within his eyes.
"Remember how I said I wasn't going to leave you?" He nodded. "I meant that; that I wouldn't leave tonight. But to be able to stay, I had to take care of some things so I could."
"Like what?" he asked.
"Well," I began. "I had to call Alice, my best friend, and ask for her help. Once she agreed, I called my dad."
"What did you ask her?"
I'd never seen him this curious before. "It's not something I like doing, but I asked her to sort of cover for me so I could stay here. See, my dad thinks I'm spending the night at her house, and if she's asked, she's going to say I am when I'm not."
He shook his head, whispering, "I feel better… when you're here, but you shouldn't lie for me, Bella. Not me."
"I wanted to," I assured him, reaching for his hand. "For you, I wanted to. "
His hand gripped mine, and the warmth coursed through my fingertips, working its way up my arm and through the rest of my body. He exhaled a shivering breath as he gazed down to where our fingers connected. "Meu anjo," he murmured softly.
"What does that mean?" I asked, grinning. I recognized the words, he'd said them once before. And just like last time, the way he spoke them, how they rolled off his tongue as if he were always meant to say them, left me curious and content simultaneously.
The left side of his mouth pulled up into a small smile, but he never answered my question. We just sat there in the dimly illuminated quiet, hand in hand.
After we'd sat for some time, unmoving, his stomach began to rumble. He actually chuckled in embarrassment, but it was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.
"I'd say that means it's dinnertime," I laughed. "Does pizza sound alright?"
He nodded.
"Okay, be right back." I braced my hands against the floor, pushing myself up.
"Where are you-" he paused, glancing between me and my tote bag.
"Oh," I smiled. "It's not in there. I need to see if Marcus will go pick some up."
His body stiffened while his eyes lowered to his lap at the mention of Marcus's name.
"It's alright, he won't come in here. " It upset me to know he feared Marcus, because Marcus was the last person that would attempt to harm him, other than myself. And even if Edward wouldn't give him the opportunity to show that right now, I had to hope that someday he would, he'd be strong enough to try. But until that time, I was going to be the voice for Marcus. "But, Edward, he'd never hurt you. He's a good man, and he cares about you. I know that's hard to believe, but he does."
He shook his head, his bottom lip trembling. His eyes met mine again, and the guilt within them tainted the perfect green. "I'm sorry, I-"
"It's okay, I understand." I said the words because I did.
"I don't want… to feel like this, Bella." His voice faltered, words coming out choppy as he forced himself to speak through his emotions. "I look at you, and I don't see… but when I saw him…" He shook his head, shoulders bowing forward in defeat.
"He's a man, and a man hurt you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
He nodded.
"But Marcus isn't Aro, Edward."
He flinched when I spoke Aro's name, reacting almost as if someone had slapped him.
"I'm sorry," I uttered soothingly. "We don't have to talk about this right now, okay? You're hungry, I'm hungry, and I don't know about you, but I'd really love to have me some delicious pizza right about now."
I licked my lips and rubbed my belly, making silly faces as I did so in hopes to lighten the air around us. It seemed to work because he laughed.
"I'll be right back," I told him before heading out to find Marcus.
As soon as I stepped into the boiler room, I saw him gathering up his belongings. "Hey, Marcus, are you leaving?"
"Not yet, I was just making sure everything was ready when I did. I try to stay as long as I can. You know…" His eyes shifted toward the door as he nodded his head. "…in case the boy needs anything. He never asks, but I stay anyway."
My heart ached for him. He wanted Edward to reach out to him so badly. "It's not you, Marcus, the reason he doesn't talk to you. It's nothing you did." His eyes met mine. "He just needs time to be able to distinguish between males in general from the one that hurt him. He feels bad about, you know, not talking to you. He just needs time."
"You don't have to explain, Bella." I caught the moisture coating his eyes before he turned his head. "I saw how traumatized he was when I found him. His fear of me is understandable, even if it is misplaced. I won't add to his trauma, I won't force him to know me, but I need to be here. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I do."
His words unveiled the attachment and love he felt for a person he really didn't know, a person he had built the last seven years of his life around, a person he'd do anything to help without question. I understood all too well the power Edward held over him, because it was the same power Edward held over me. It wasn't anything he deliberately did it was just Edward in general. He was like a magnet that drew you in, whether you knew him five seconds or five years. It didn't matter that he was broken right now, because I had no doubt if he'd been a whole person when I first met him the effect would have still been the same.
He cleared his throat; an obvious sign of conversation change. "So, did you come out here for a reason? Was there something you needed?"
"Uh…yeah, I was just gonna see if you wouldn't mind picking up a pizza for Edward and I for dinner."
"I don't mind at all, but I figured your dad would want you home for dinner."
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "I'm sorta not going home tonight."
He cocked an eyebrow. "Is that so?" I smiled. "And you're planning to stay here?"
"Yeah, that's the plan."
He shook his head, laughing. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed that, Bella."
"What?" I shrugged, biting back the smile.
"Nothing," he chuckled. "I'll be on my way to get that pizza now."
So while Marcus left to pick up the pizza for Edward and me, I went back into the room and informed Edward what was happening and grabbed my cell, then headed up to the second floor of the hospital to use the restroom, check to see if I had any calls and call Alice to check in.
We spoke for a little while, and thankfully, she didn't ask any questions. A few minutes after I headed back into the boiler room, Marcus showed up with the pizza. I thanked him and offered to pay for the pizza myself, but he respectively declined. I asked him if he was sure, and by the look he gave me, it was obvious his decision was non-negotiable, like my asking was somehow emasculating his ability to pay – which was certainly not the case. It wasn't that he appeared angry or anything and it certainly wasn't that I wasn't appreciative, I just felt like it was my responsibility to cover the cost. He, however, didn't see it the same way. So I dropped it, thanked him again for the pizza, said my goodbye and went back to Edward.
We ate the pizza rather quickly. I anticipated it from myself, considering I hadn't really eaten much since breakfast, but I was quite shocked at how fast Edward ate. It wasn't something I'd ever seen before now. He caught me watching him at one point, and he immediately stopped, appearing embarrassed, maybe even mortified. "You hungry?" I teased, hoping to ease him so he'd understand there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm… I didn't mean to-"
"You have nothing to apologize for," I told him. "I'm glad to see you eating so well. It helps make my eyes less sad."
"I didn't eat yet. The dream… I just couldn't eat." He stared down at the pizza, then brought his eyes back up to mine. "I didn't… disgust you?"
"You could never disgust me," I assured him.
He seemed visibly sedated by my remark, and we finished eating in silence.
After I cleaned up our dinner mess, which basically meant closing up the pizza box, I opted to read to him for awhile. He seemed interested, so I grabbed the book we were now on, Pride and Prejudice, and sat Indian style in front of him, starting from the page we left off on. We'd only been reading the book an hour or two when I heard him sigh. I glanced up, seeing his head was leaning against the wall, and he was staring up at the ceiling, his fingers running absently along Lancelot's matted fur as he lay beside Edward. "Are you bored?" I laughed.
His head snapped forward, eyes locking with mine. "No… I was just-"
"Edward, listen to me." I placed the bookmark in the book, laying it beside me. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything and know that you won't have consequences for doing so, okay? If you want to do something else, you say so and we will. You don't have to be afraid to speak up and tell me what you want or don't want. Never ever be afraid to tell me. I want you to."
He stared at me for a long while, finally saying, "I don't… I don't want to read anymore."
"Then we won't." His lip twitched, possibly out of nervous or maybe it was because he seemed like he wanted to say something. "Is there something you want to do?"
He shrugged. "I don't know."
I pulled one of my legs up to my chest, leaning my chin against the knee as I flitted through random ideas to entertain him with. I wasn't equipped with much, I knew that, so there was only so much I could offer. And as I sat there thinking, I had an epiphany or whatever you wanna call it.
He spent almost every second of his day in this small, nearly darkened room. There was barely any light, but it was artificial light. A flower needs the sun to grow, to keep it healthy, and I always assumed people were much the same. And I wondered if maybe the lack of sun kept him wilted. Obviously, it was going to be impossible to get him to go outside at this point, though that was a goal I certainly strived for, I could at least get him out of this room for awhile so he could breathe in some fresher air.
I mean, we'd made it up to the second floor so he could use the restroom - the restrooms on that floor were much cleaner, so it wasn't as if we'd never left this room together. The problem was, that little trek was less than what I was about to suggest.
"Edward," I began softly. "I have an idea, something we could do to pass the time."
His fingers were no longer skimming over Lancelot; they were now gripping against him as the obvious tension surged through his frame. "Okay."
"It's okay. You don't have to be nervous. I just thought maybe we could go for a little walk."
"Bella, I don't really-"
"Do you remember how you told me that you didn't want sad eyes? That you didn't want to be like you were?" He nodded hesitantly. "I really think being in this room so much is inhibiting you from changing. Don't mistake that as me saying there is something wrong with you, because there's not, but I want so much more for you than this little room. It's nearly dark in here, and you deserve to be in the light. You deserve to be in the sun.
"I'm not saying we're going outside, but I'd eventually like to try that when you're more ready. All I'm asking for right now is to go for a little walk around the hospital. It's nothing we haven't done already. The only difference will be that we walk just a little farther. If it becomes too much for you, tell me and we'll turn around. It'll be just me and you. We can go up to the second floor where the restroom is and walk that floor. You know the floor, you know the way there. We'll just continue past the restroom, but it's still the same, familiar floor. Would you be willing to at least try?"
I had no idea if what I was saying was helping, if what I was saying was right in regard to him, but I was attempting to do what I felt was right. I hated seeing him locked up in this small room, ensconced by a dim environment.
I sat and watched him, gauging his reaction to my request. He didn't say a word for a long while, just gazed around the room, his facial expression transition with each new emotion. I'd nearly given up on the idea when he finally said, "Alright… I'll go."
I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. He saw this, saw that his willingness was the reason behind my smile, and he smiled in return. Deep down I knew he was doing this more for me, and though that saddened me because I wanted him to want this for himself, he was still going and I could work with that.
"Okay, well, I'm gonna take my bag with. I have my pajamas in there so while we're up there, I can change before we come back down." I stood up, grabbing the paper bag. "Is there anything you need to take with you?"
He shook his head.
"You know, I think it's time we get you some different clothes too. Kind of like a celebratory step towards getting rid of the sad eyes. Would that be alright?" I asked.
"Umm… yeah?" It came out more a question than statement.
"I'll tell you what, I'll go make sure Marcus has left first. I know he has other clothes around here for you so I'll find them, and then I'll be right back." He never responded as I made my way out of the room.
Marcus was, in fact, already gone when I entered the boiler room. He'd mentioned bringing the box of clothes for Edward this past Friday, and I decided the only place to look for the clothing would be around the bench. There was a box shoved on the lower shelf, so I pulled it out, finding clothes inside. I briefly skimmed it, pulling out a t-shirt and pajama pants. I decided to bring the entire box back with me, so he could change in the morning if he wanted to.
When I made my way back, I set the box down and handed him the outfit I held in my hands. "Here's a t-shirt and pajamas. There's other clothing inside that box over there. I just figured since it's nearly bedtime you'd want something comfortable to sleep in."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. You ready to go?"
He glanced down at Lancelot, then looked back up to me, nodding as he stood. I no longer had to coach him down the hall or up to the second floor. He'd grown accustomed to me being with him, but it was still a slow go in getting to that second floor. His body still trembled when leaving the security of his room, but it wasn't paralyzing anymore.
I led the way through the boiler room, up the stairs, through the closet that led to the basement floor, but walked alongside him as we approached the stairs that led upward to the other floors. Each floor now had operating light sockets that lit the entire length of the halls instead of the scarce patches of less than acceptable lighting that had been there prior. Marcus made it an extra point to do so when I told him about the restroom incident and how I nearly fell over my own feet because the lighting sucked and our flashlight quit working midway.
I never pushed Edward, never forced him to pick up pace. I talked to him, keeping him distracted as we walked. His fingers wrapped tightly around the clothes within his grasp, as if they were a life raft, but he continued moving.
When we reached the bathroom, he stopped so I stopped with him. "Edward, are you alright to continue?"
His breathing increased, becoming staccato. "I just… need a second."
I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that we really didn't have to go any further when he reached for my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. "Can I… can I just hold your hand, Bella?"
I squeezed his hand in response and took a step forward, and he followed my lead, like the feel of my hand in his invigorated the strength within him to keep going. I started off with smaller steps until I was comfortable enough to know that he wouldn't freak out. I was so unbelievably proud of him, and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest with the feeling.
"You're doing so well, Edward." I squeezed his hand, smiling at him when he looked at me.
We moved down the hall, and I kept talking, describing all the changes Marcus had made to keep him distracted and comfortable. He actually seemed curious, his eyes darting around as he took everything in. But he never once let go of my hand, never once eased the tight grip he had on me.
"Does he always fix things?" he asked at one point. It was then I noticed our stepping had also slowed.
I smirked. "Well, Marcus likes to think he does. It's funny watching him sometimes. I walked in on him one day fighting with a garbage bag, and truthfully, I think the garbage bag won."
His brow furrowed, his eyes blinking perpetually as he no doubt tried to understand the logistics of Marcus and a garbage bag fighting.
"It was a joke," I laughed. "He didn't actually fight with the garbage bag. It kept closing on him while he filled it with stuff that's been littering the floor."
"Oh," he said, following his words with a chuckle. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. We continued a bit further, looking inside the empty rooms that lined the hall, when he said he was getting tired.
We immediately turned around and stopped at the restrooms, completely readying ourselves for bed before me made our way back down to the room. I, of course, cursed Alice for the pajamas she sent me, which consisted of a thin strappy tank shirt and silk pajama pants, but it was all I had. The idea of sleeping in my jeans was not an appealing one. Needless to say, had I entertained the idea of removing the bra, it was certainly not a possibility now. She'd stuffed a sweatshirt inside, so I threw that on to conceal some of my exposed skin. I realized I was probably going to sweat at some point, but I'd deal.
And when I walked out of the women's restroom, seeing Edward standing there in the t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, his hair in complete disarray, my heart leapt in my chest. It was so strange seeing him in different clothing, but even stranger that I thought he looked good in them. Like, really good. The shirt molded to his frame, showing that his muscles actually did appear to have some definition underneath. I was surprised by that, but I figured eating better was part of it. I bit my lip, scolding myself for being a perv, because clearly I was in thinking he looked good, and immediately shifted my gaze downward toward my feet.
When we stepped back inside his room, though it was quite obvious Edward was tired, he seemed lighter somehow.
He immediately headed toward his wall, sitting down beside Lancelot. I thought he was going to just sit there, but when he laid his body down, placing his head on Lancelot's body, I glanced between him and the thin mattress toward the other side of the room. The same mattress that I had once lay on while unconscious from a head wound.
"Edward?" I asked as I placed my bag beside the wall near the door. "How come you never sleep on the mattress? That's what it's there for."
He sat up, gazing at the mattress then at me. "I never had a bed before. I wasn't allowed to. He said I didn't deserve one… so the floor is all I know."
"You've never slept in a bed?"
He shook his head.
"Never even tried to sleep on this one or anything?"
"No."
"Well, tonight you are." I strode toward him, jutting my hand out to him. "Come on, Edward. You're more than deserving of that bed, and anyone that tells you different is full of themselves."
"But I've never-"
"Is that floor honestly comfortable?"
"No."
"Then let's get you in that comfortable bed, shall we?" He finally reached for my hand, though cautiously, and I pulled, helping him up. "Grab Lancelot, he's not sleeping on the floor either."
He bent over and grabbed Lancelot, then I pulled him toward the mattress. I could feel the hesitation in his movement, but I was not going to let him sleep on that floor any longer.
He stood there, eyeing the mattress. "Go on," I told him. "No one is going to stop you, and even if they tried, they'd answer to me."
He slowly maneuvered down on the mattress, but stayed upright. I watched his hands as he pressed into the material, feeling it beneath him. "How does that feel?"
"It's… it's nice."
I chuckled. "It is, isn't it? It's much better when you lay on it, though."
He glanced at me, then down toward the mattress. He kinda bounced for a second, then slid downward, laying his body flat on the mattress. It was almost like watching a kid experience his first time in a candy store.
He turned his head to the right, just enough so he could see my face, and beamed a smile up at me. I mean, it literally beamed. And me, well, I was an instant puddle of goo at that point.
"Look at you," I said proudly. "I think that bed suits you."
I sat down on the floor beside him, and his smile instantly became a frown. "Bella, you don't have a bed."
"It's okay. I'm not real tired right now, anyway."
"No." He shook his head, sitting up. "I can't just let you-"
"Here, how's this?" I pressed my hands against the mattress, hoisting myself up to a sitting position on it. "How about I just sit here, okay?"
That seemed to appease him. "Okay."
"You can lay back down now."
He slowly eased himself back down on the mattress, keeping his eyes on mine. And there we stayed, him laying on the mattress and me sitting, just staring at each other. I didn't really know why we never spoke, why we only held eye contact, but we both seemed content with the silence.
Finally, his eyes grew heavy and the yawns became more persistent. He tried to stave the sleep his body desperately craved, but he finally caved and his eyes didn't open again. His breathing evened out, his body relaxing as he settled deeper into sleep.
And as I suspected, I grew increasingly hot with the sweatshirt on. Seriously, you'd think being below ground you'd be cooler, but that did not seem to be the case tonight. I was hot, I was tired and I just didn't have the patience to keep the sweatshirt on. So I pulled it over my head, setting it beside the mattress. I mean, I rationalized that it wasn't as if I were naked or anything. I was fully clothed.
Removing the sweatshirt had alleviated the heat, but it did not alleviate the tire settling in my bones. I fought hard to stay awake, to keep my head up, but I caught myself dozing off when my head jerked forward. So I did something I probably shouldn't, telling myself I was just going to rest for a little while. I covered Edward with the blanket and lay down beside him and Lancelot. I watched him as my eyes strained to stay open, the sounds of his breathing lulling me further toward sleep. And the warmth of his breath whispering across my face deepened the calm I was feeling. The last thing I remembered before giving into sleep was lifting my right hand and brushing the damp hair off his forehead.
"Edward, don't go… please don't go." I was reaching for him as the blackness moved toward him, ready to claim him and take him away from me.
"I can't stay, Bella, he won't let me."
"Please, don't leave me. I just found you."
"I don't want to go," he murmured, holding his hand out toward mine. "But he found me, and he won't let me stay."
I tried to move, to go toward him as the blackness grew thicker, carrying a pungent smell of bile and evil with it, but I couldn't move. I was deadlocked where I stood. Everything wrong in the world propagated inside that blackness, and it ached to consume anything with light. I screamed until my throat burned, begging for it to take me instead of him. But it didn't want me. The tears felt acidic as they burned down my cheeks while I watched it engulf him, taking away his light, taking him from me. And the fear upon his face shredded my soul, leaving a permanent hole inside me that couldn't be filled by anyone but him.
I felt so cold, so empty, as my screams continued, but they were fruitless to bring Edward back to me. The cold actually became so entirely painful, I wished for death just to be rid of the feeling. But suddenly, intoxicating warmth spread through me, wrapping around me, carrying hope and life. The pain stopped, the cold stopped. There was nothing but calm and comfortable sleep.
My eyelids flickered as they attempted to open. They felt heavy and weighted down against my rather sore eyes. I lifted my hand, rubbing at my eyes, hoping the action would allow me to actually open them. It wasn't until I felt my palm pushing against my eyes that my body not only registered the warmth of another body next to it, but the feel of something draped over my waist. It took me a moment to remember I wasn't in my bed and recollect where I actually was.
I immediately opened my eyes and glanced toward my waist, noticing an arm lying across it. My eyes traveled up the arm and over the body it was attached to, stopping at the face. Of course, it was Edward and I noticed he wasn't looking at my face, but he was looking at me. I wasn't really sure what the expression was upon his face, but if I had to guess, I'd say curiosity. Instinct told me to look at what had him so enthralled by me, and when I glanced down to where he was looking, I noticed my bra strap had slid off my shoulder and was resting against my upper arm, but the tank shirt was also hanging low in the front, showing a bit of cleavage. My face instantly heated with embarrassment, and I gasped unintentionally. The moment the sound left my lips, Edward's eyes snapped upward, locking on mine.
I realized swiftly that my assumption of curiosity was correct, but the expression morphed from curiosity to terror in a matter of three point two seconds, and his body immediately stiffened beside me. This was not good.