Chapter Eighteen - Furtherance

Adore

I don't mean to run,

But every time you come around,

I feel more alive than ever.

And I guess it's too much,

Maybe we're too young and I don't even know what's real.

But I know I've never wanted anything so bad.

I've never wanted anyone so bad.

If I let you love me,

Be the one adored.

Would you go all the way?

Be the one I'm looking for.

If I let you love me,

See the one adored.

Would you go all the way?

Be the one I'm looking for.

Help me come back down,

From high above the clouds.

You know I'm suffocating,

But I blame this town.

Why do I deny the things that burn inside?

Down deep, I'm barely breathing,

But you just see a smile.

And I don't want to let this go.

Really, I just want to know

Was I dreaming? This couldn't be happening, could it? No, this was too real to be a dream. His lips were too soft, the delicious warmth of his body against mine too acute and the guy mixed with soap smell of him too intoxicating. My mind would never be able to produce something this perfect.

Edward was really kissing me. He wasn't moving, but his mouth was pressed firmly over mine. It was sort of awkward the way his mouth was positioned, but it was safe to assume that he'd never kissed anyone before. Yet, with the position being awkward, it still felt right. My skin was actually buzzing from the intensity the feel of his lips caused.

He pushed forward even more, his lips parting slightly as he did so. I barely had time to register that fact when he hummed against my lips. God, I couldn't think, couldn't do anything but feel him, taste him. I couldn't function enough to rationalize if this was a good idea, if I should put a stop to this... not when he was this close, not when it felt so right.

My heart was hammering furiously in my chest, my breathing staccato through my nose. I tried to function enough to compose a complete thought in order to calm myself so I didn't frighten him, because I knew I was bound to make a noise at any moment. However, that feat was completely lost to me when he slowly pulled away, my bottom lip catching between his lips as he moved.

I whimpered. My God, I actually whimpered as our lips separated. I didn't want him to move away, and now that he had, I felt an emptiness surge through me.

The sound, as soon as it hit the air, caused my eyelids to flutter open. What if I startled him? What if the kiss itself frightened him? All I could think about was him being alright.

But as I looked at him, there didn't seem to be anything frantic within his expression. His fingers were brushing over his lips as he stared back at me with a mix of wonder, longing, hope and concern. Odd how I could make out each one of those emotions, but I could. I could see right inside him and pick out each one as if they were laid out in perfect clarity.

It was a tug of war understanding Edward, because half the time I really saw him, words weren't needed, and other times he was such a mystery that I felt like I was tunneling through a maze to get inside his head. I often wondered if it was the emotional wall within him that only let me have parts of him shielded by the bricks I managed to break through and guarded the others as means of preservation. Breaking that wall completely down, it wasn't going to be easy.

Regardless of how he appeared, I needed to know that he was actually alright. I'd learned Edward had a poker face. And as much as I never wanted the kiss to end, I could never make this about me. His feelings, his safety, everything that was him mattered above all, and I needed him to tell me that he was okay. I needed him to tell me what he was thinking.

His fingers were still pressed against his lips. He shook his head, whispering, "I didn't-"

"Edward?" My voice came out raspy, so I cleared my throat.

He kept silent, eyes still remained on me, and the longer he didn't speak, the more the fear of the kiss possibly setting him back built within me. Please don't let me lose him?

He finally nodded acknowledgement of my words, but that knot in the pit of my stomach held. He hadn't spoken. He was speaking to me more now, but he hadn't spoken when he answered me.

My body tensed out of fear for him. It was an unconscious move, and I hadn't meant for it to be so pronounced, but he noticed. I had no doubt he could feel it – he was right against me. His brow furrowed, lips parted as a look of shame altered his features. The light within his eyes dimmed, gutting my insides as I watched it lessen.

No, no, no! I screamed in my head.

He scooted a few inches back from me. "I'm sorry… you didn't… I shouldn't-"

Was that it? Did he think my reaction was because I didn't like the kiss?

"I disgust you," he responded in a choked whisper.

What? How could he think-

Oh God, no!


I shook my head frantically, tears brimmed my eyes. "No, Edward, you didn't. My God, you could never disgust me. That would never happen."

I thought about it, thought about how he assumed my reaction to be one of disgust, and it made sense that he would come to that conclusion… all because of Aro. I reached out to brush my fingertips across his cheek to show him more than tell him how I felt, but stilled, unsure if he wanted me to touch him. His hand startlingly jutted out, gripping mine and placing it against his cheek.

His eyes stared into mine, searching. I had to hand over something of myself, had to let him know without actually saying the words that he meant everything, that I wanted any part of him he was willing to give. I couldn't be selfish for more, because anything at all would be enough, and I'd care for what he gave as if it were the most precious gift. Because, truthfully, it was.

I licked my lips, swallowing against the emotional lump in my throat. "What you did… it just surprised me, and my reaction was because I was afraid that you might have been upset afterward, but I wasn't disgusted. Not at all. I… it was very nice."

The hand that covered mine against his cheek tightened, his eyes widening in shock. "It was?"

I smiled, wiping away the tears that glided down my cheeks with my free hand. "It really was. But I need you to understand that nothing you do will make me feel disgusted by you. What happened to you, your past, nothing you say to me about what Aro did will make me feel any differently about you. Nothing. I want you to know and trust that if you share something with me, I won't take you or it for granted. I won't hurt you. I… I care too much to ever do that. And that kiss? It was unexpected and nice, but-" I stopped speaking, wondering if I should ask the question I was thinking. My lips began moving before I really answered as to whether I should. "But why…uh … why did you do it?"

His eyes drifted from mine, briefly looking downward while his face showed steady concentration over what he was ideating. I sat there waiting patiently for him to respond, knowing I couldn't push for an answer. He'd respond when he was comfortable, but I was also prepared for him not to. I hoped he would, though.

When his eyes finally lifted, I kept the smile upon my face for encouragement. "You don't have to tell me. I just want you to know you can."

"When I-" He paused, glancing down at my lips then back to my eyes. "There was so much more."

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously, still smiling.

He gave me a sheepish grin. I laughed at how cute he was being shy.

"You can tell me anything, you know?"

"It's not the same…" he began, "as when I touch you with my hands. It's… I felt more."

I know, I thought. I did too.

"I know what you must think," he whispered. "Because I don't know as much as you. I do know what a kiss is. I saw pictures and read about it, but I've never-" He shook his head. "Not until now. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I… I felt your skin on my lips and then your mouth. Você é tão macia. I felt… I wanted… I don't know the right words."

"Hey," I brushed my thumb along his jaw. "It's okay, and it's not like that. I don't see someone who's unintelligent when I look at you. I happen to think you're very smart and you don't have-"

"I wanted to do it, Bella," he blurted out. "I needed to know if… I wanted-" His voice became so low it was barely understandable, even with the close proximity between us. "I finally did something I wanted to feel and it felt right. It was supposed to be you."

Though the words were faint and trailed off into nothingness, my heart thundered rapidly in my chest, filling the void of sound. I was sure he could hear it, because it was definitely beating for him. And the blush across my face, the love shining from my eyes, would he be able to see those too while looking at me?

I wondered because his words, the way he stared at me, it made the love within me, the love I felt for only him, swell to a point I was breathless from it, and the propensity to keep the fact that I was in love with him hidden was becoming almost impossible. The truth was, I wanted to love him. My God, did I want to love him.

"But maybe he wants love, Bella, and maybe he wants it from you." Alice's words.

Was she right? Could he feel that way?

"Bella?" The way he spoke my name, the way his face appeared, he was worried and confused. "Did I… did I say something wrong?"

"No," I answered immediately. I moved my hand from his cheek, watching his fall to the mattress, and ran my fingers through the hair near his temple. "You didn't say anything wrong at all, but sometimes I think I might."

"You can tell me anything." I couldn't help but laugh as he mimicked my words from earlier, but there was so much avidity in the way he said them. I knew he meant it.

"Are you quoting me from earlier?" I teased.

He chuckled. "Maybe."

"And being a jokester, too," I grinned. I continued running my fingers through his hair. He seemed to like it. "I know I can talk to you, and I know you'll listen to anything I have to say, it's just… Do you sometimes have thoughts about your feelings or other things that you wonder if you should speak aloud, wonder if maybe telling someone could be a bad thing, even if they're good thoughts?"

"Yes."

"See, that's what happens to me at times. I don't want to mess up, you know? And I worry sometimes that I might by saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing," I explained.

"You're talking about me, aren't you?" My God, was he perceptive.

I nodded. "Yes, but it's not always you," I assured. "I never told you about my mom, did I?"

He shook his head.

"She passed away when I was five from a cerebral aneurysm. Doctors say it was from serious hypertension. My dad's never gotten over it. I'll be nineteen in September and he still misses her. I guess that's what happens with soul mates. They're two halves to a whole and the loss of one means you're only half of who you're supposed to be. Makes sense, though," I reasoned. He continued watching me, but my fingers were now resting at the back of his head because he'd scooted closer. "We were at my grandmother's and she was helping her put up the birdhouse. She'd been laughing at something my grandmother said, and then she just dropped to the ground. She'd had a headache, I guess, most of the day, but told my dad and grandma she was fine. She'd had headaches a lot, though, but my dad said she blamed it on tension. That was her symptom, that was her warning, and no one knew what that meant for her.

"I was five, so I don't remember her as much as I'd like to, but I remember things in fragments. It's funny that I can't really remember her face inside my mind, but I can remember that her hair smelled like lilacs. I told her she smelled like flowers once, and she laughed at me, telling me I smelled like happiness. I thought she was silly, but I was five. I never understood the significance of her words until I got older. It was because I was her happiness. Emmett and I both were.

"Before she died, we were so happy, but after she was gone, everything changed, became clouded over. The sun was only out partially, so to speak. My dad, Emmett and I… we were never the same after she died. She was the glue that held us together. And my dad, sometimes I don't know how to reach him, so we do this little dance around each other, pretend everything's alright but don't really talk to each other. He doesn't hover, and I take care of everything around the house but keep to myself. It's different with Emmett and my dad. They have similar interests, which gives them something to talk about often. We really have nothing in common but our eyes and hair color. The fact that he tells me I remind him of my mother only reiterates that. I think the fact that he says that, along with the fact that he's never recovered, it makes me weary as to what to say to him."

"You feel lonely," he cut in, and it was not a question.

I sighed. "I do sometimes, but not so much anymore." Not because of you.

"You aren't alone."

I smiled. "There you go using my words again." He smiled back. "Do you remember everything I tell you?"

"Everything," he answered honestly, but the tone of his voice, the way he said it, made my body shiver.

There was so much intensity behind those green eyes, so much he was trying to say with them, and it completely left me winded. I had to glance away. "Bella… please don't look away."

I couldn't deny him anything, but felt even weaker when he pleaded like that. Being this close to him, feeling the way I felt about him, baring my soul, coupled with the things he'd admitted, if he looked at me he'd be able to see the love within me. It was there now, on the surface, and I couldn't seem to reign it in. I was afraid to look at him.

"I can't," I whispered.

He lifted his hand and placed it under my chin, forcing my head upward. "Please don't," he begged. "You've never… I feel like you're going away from me when you do that."

I stared back at him, and he was once again searching my face for answers. "You don't want me to go away?"

This was the first time I asked him, rather than reassured him I wouldn't. I knew I'd never go, but something within me wanted to know that he, himself, didn't want me to leave either.

"No." There was no hesitation.

"Why?" I was pushing, I knew I was pushing, but that same something that initiated the first question urged the second.

He was a little taken aback and because of that, I chastised myself accordingly for pushing. Stupid inner voice telling me what to do. The way he reacted I didn't expect an answer, but again he surprised me with one, showing me how much he did cling to my words, how much he'd grown…. or maybe he never really needed to grow at all. Maybe he just needed someone who was willing to let him open up and be himself without being punished for it.

"Because… because I'm only half of who I'm supposed to be when you're gone."

---

Edward opened up more as the days passed. Our walks through the hospital increased, and we'd even made it through each floor, but it was always done with him holding my hand. I'd managed to stay overnight with him a few more times, but knew I needed to span the time out, otherwise Charlie would become suspicious, and I nor Edward were ready for Charlie to know about him.

The fourth of July was tomorrow, and Edward and I had been talking about it. He, of course, knew about the holiday but never experienced fireworks before. When I explained in detail what they actually were, he recalled while living with Aro noises that were similar to the ones I described. He said he'd asked Aro what they were, and Aro's response was a swift beating for speaking without being given permission to speak. It made me sick but not surprised that Aro was so bestial. I told Edward if he'd allow me to show him, we could stand beside the front door as the fireworks went off so he could see how beautiful they were. He was very hesitant, but finally said he'd try. I knew without question he was doing it for me.

I learned more about his life before the hospital. We sat on his mattress after returning from our walk, and I started casually asking questions, so he told me how as far back as he could remember Aro hit him, but it seemed to become worse the older he got. I wondered when Edward was a baby, what Aro did then. Did he beat Edward as an infant for crying out when he was hungry, crying out when he was sick, crying out when he needed his diaper changed?

Edward wouldn't remember what he experienced as an infant, but he recollected a woman with red hair that Aro called Victoria. He couldn't remember anything more about her appearance or even who she was. She disappeared when he was young. I asked him if she could possibly be his mother, that maybe what Aro told him was a lie and she hadn't left him as an infant, but he assured me that Victoria wasn't his mother. That much he did know.

He remembered the name and red hair, so he brought her up to Aro once and Aro's reaction was one of distaste, saying, "That bitch doesn't deserve to be remembered, just like you. She served her purpose, and now she's gone." I had quite a few thoughts as to what her purpose may have been, and one happened to be Edward.

But what he told me after the discussion of Victoria was what really shredded my heart. Everything Aro did was about torturing Edward, but it was the extreme he went to that turned my stomach, scarring my mind with the words as Edward relived it all by verbalizing it to me.

Aro thrived on Edward's pain and thought up new ways to administer his 'medicine'. Edward said being kicked repeatedly in the ribs while Aro stood over him laughing, telling him to get up, then kicking him again when he tried wasn't as bad as when Aro locked him in the closet, leaving him in the dark. He hated the dark because the dark left him vulnerable. People relied on all their senses, but sight, actually being able to see if something harmful was coming, was what the dark took away.

Aro knew how much Edward hated the dark, so Aro spent a great deal of time taunting him with it. Finding out what Aro did led me to asking him about the night he found me in the coed bathrooms. He explained that he was on his way to shower and practically just entered the bathroom when he heard voices in the adjoining room. He turned off his flashlight and hid, hoping we wouldn't find him when we came in.

He said it was rare he had to do so, but there had been a few other times he had close calls, and the feeling he felt during then, the unbearable suffocation, was worse than being locked in the dark. That was the only time he welcomed the dark because it helped camouflage him.

He'd never been curious about anyone, but something about my voice intrigued him. Even through his fear, the way I spoke soothed him. He swore he hadn't meant to frighten me, and he wasn't even sure why he approached me like he did, but before he realized what he was doing, he was standing in front of me.

But when I fell, hitting my head, he'd never been more terrified. He wasn't sure what to do at first, had never really had much physical contact with someone because he didn't count objects being slammed against his body as physical contact with someone, so it took him a moment to decide to pick me up. He knew he couldn't leave me there, so he lifted me in his arms, terrified I'd wake up and see him like that, terrified I'd hate him for touching me, terrified I wouldn't wake up at all.

His plan was to make noise near the hallway to attract the 'other girl', but he noticed the hallway was as dark as the room we were in, so he peered out, seeing nothing and hearing only silence. He assumed I was left behind, and that was how I came to end up in his room.

Conversation ended after that, and I decided we needed something to lighten the air around us. I stood up and moved to the corner of the room, dragging the chair that held the newly bought portable DVD player over toward the mattress and started a movie.

I'd actually asked Marcus to purchase one and gave him a list of movies that might interest Edward. Of course Marcus agreed, but openly berated himself for not buying one sooner. He just assumed Edward wouldn't be interested because he'd provided picture books and magazines once, only to have them sit at the doorway unused.

Oh, but Edward was very interested. Movie choice was his, but the look upon his face when I pressed play and A Wonderful Life started would forever be seared into the recesses of my mind. The awe and wonderment within his eyes was the most rewarding sight I'd ever been graced with. I slipped out of the room to grab the surprise, microwave popcorn, that accompanied the DVD player. And so we ate microwave popcorn, which he absolutely loved, and lay on our stomachs, our elbows propped up with our heads in our hands, Lancie between us, watching the movie.

Halfway through the movie he turned to me, thanking me. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he disagreed. "You do more than you should."

"And now I disagree," I countered. "I want you to see and experience all the wonderful things Aro kept from you, and being in this room all day every day, well, I know you have to feel boredom at times. You need something more to do. You need to enjoy yourself."

"I do… when you're here."

"And when I'm not?" I questioned.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," I told him. "Because one day you're not going to be here anymore, you're going to be out there living."

"I don't know," he shrugged. "This is my home."

"Edward," I started. "Why do you stay here, in this hospital? I guess I don't understand why it feels like home to you."

"Because," he whispered. "I don't know if I'm ready to join that world out there, Bella." He looked toward the far wall, passed the portable DVD player, like he could see through it to the outside. "I've never really been a part of it." He sighed, his lips pulling up into a half smile. "But here, in this place with you, it helps drown out the noise inside my head, the noise he caused. It's become my fortress, as you put it earlier, and you are my shield."

I smiled back, remembering how I teased him during lunch while reading, Lancelot: A Novel. "I know, but you could be a part of it," I assured him as I placed my right hand against his cheek, turning his face so our eyes would meet again. "You could be a part of it with me."

---

Alice once again came to the rescue, swindling me out of a night of sports and sparklers with Charlie and Harry Clearwater's family. He never bought any other fireworks, only sparklers. He wasn't thrilled about not spending the holiday with both of his kids – Emmett was out of town with Rose and her parents - but he adored Alice and when she laid it on thick, she really laid it on. I did try to appease him, though, and swirled around two sparklers, at the same time, so he wouldn't feel bad. It seemed to work, because neither of us was up for any more sparkler time. Harry kept him distracted as I was saying goodbye, and then Alice and I slipped away.

For all that Alice had done to help me on the many occasions that she did, I kept her informed of everything and talked to her about things I couldn't talk to anyone else about. But when I first told her about Edward kissing me, I thought she was going to crush me from the hug she was giving and blow my eardrums with the squeal bursting from her lips. Alice was small, but she packed a powerhouse of a hug, and that voice could shatter glass if necessary. She was sure Edward felt the same about me, but me, I wasn't so sure. She simply rolled her eyes and told me to remove the blinders.

When I made it to the hospital, making sure to park the truck around back where it sat inconspicuous, I was really anxious to see Edward. I hadn't seen him all day because it was a holiday, and the idea of my working on a holiday was inexcusable to Charlie. I knew Marcus wouldn't be there. He promised to stay scarce for the night, knowing I was going to attempt getting Edward to watch some fireworks with me. I grabbed my bag, then bolted from my truck, hearing the thundering boom of distant fireworks, and ran inside the hospital as fast as I could, holding tight to the railing as I descended the stairs to the third floor then the basement.

I very nearly tripped over my own feet as I moved through the closet and made my way down the boiler room stairs. By the time I reached Edward's room, I was gasping for air. I bent over, placing my hands against my knees as I steadied myself to catch my breath.

Edward stood from the mattress and walked toward me, stopping just in front of me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I gasped. "Ran… stairs… here."

"Okay," he laughed. I'd never get used to the sound or the way it made me feel a rush of warmth throughout my body.

I held my finger up, signaling for him to give me a minute. When my breathing finally calmed, I stood upright. "Sorry. What I was saying was that I ran, even down the stairs until I got here."

"Oh," he chuckled. "That's not how it sounded."

"Are you making fun of me?" I teased, smiling. "I could have been hyperventilating, or had something wedged in my throat for all you knew. You might have had to give me the Heimlich or mouth-to-mouth."

I was only teasing, but hadn't really thought about what I was saying before the words spilled from my lips.

"Do you need the Heimlich or mouth-to-mouth?" He, on the other hand, was not joking, and I wasn't even sure if he knew what either meant, but the mention of mouth only led to me remembering that kiss.

"Uh… no… no, I'm alright." I was completely flushed.

He took a step forward. "Why are you blushing?"

Oh God, he noticed. "I… well, I didn't know if you knew the Heimlich was where you place your hands under the diaphragm and give abdominal thrusts to help clear someone's airway of an obstructing object, and mouth-to-mouth is where you place your lips on someone's lips-" I paused, blushing even further because I was a blubbering idiot and because I couldn't think of anything past lips.

His eyes moved over my face, then searched mine, widening when it finally registered. His lips parted and a shiver ran through his body. We stood there, bodies inches apart, both remembering that kiss. I couldn't tell how long we stood there staring at one another, but I finally blinked, registering the dryness of my eyes.

I stepped around him, placing my bag alongside the mattress. "I… um... the fireworks have already started."
He tensed some, but it was a big difference from what it used to be. I immediately smiled as I noted the change. I'd been pushing him more the last week and a half, and it seemed to be paying off. Next step: Marcus.


"Remember what I told you," I reminded as I approached him, reaching for his hand. "They can be a bit noisy, but they won't hurt you, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered. I started to pull him forward, and he stopped me. "Bella… I… I don't think I can go outside."

"That's okay," I smiled. "We'll work up to that."

I started pulling him again, and we walked at his pace. I decided that instead of just taking him to the entryway on the second floor, we'd do a walkthrough of the hospital to acclimate him that much more to being out of his room. I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, though I knew he was still weary, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride surge through me because he trusted me enough to try.

I wanted this experience to be enjoyable for him. I wanted him to see, not just hear, that there was an entire world out there waiting for him to join it, and I hoped that he was able to truly understand that by the end of the night.

We'd made it through the top floor and had just neared the steps to make our way down to the second floor when he stopped at the top step. "Bella, I-"

He'd been doing so good, made it this far, and I had hoped he'd go all the way, but as much as I wanted this for him, I couldn't force him. "Okay," I sighed. "Let's go back-"

He shook his head. "No."

"But I thought you-"

"If I went back to the room, would you be disappointed?" he asked. "Honestly?"

"Honestly?" He nodded. "I would be disappointed, but only because I know you can do this, Edward. I know you can."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, you did," he smirked. He was becoming much braver, so much more open to me. "But I want to be better for you."

As much as I loved hearing that he wanted to be better, and he was getting better, I didn't want it to be about me. "I want you to be better for you."

He inhaled through his nose, exhaling a raucous breath from his mouth. "I don't know how I'll be… down there, but I'll try. I'll try for you."

"That's all I wanted."

He squeezed my hand, then gave a slight nod of his head, signaling he was ready.

Making it down the stairs wasn't difficult, but approaching the door was a bit strained. He stopped every few steps, taking in a deep breath, then forced himself to move. His breathing accelerated, but he didn't stop.
As soon as we reached the doorway, I turned to face him. "If Marcus hadn't fixed this door and removed the brick outside, we wouldn't be able to see."

He just nodded, but I could tell he wasn't completely with me.

I reached for both his hands, gripping them in mine. "Edward, look at me." It took him a moment to comply, but he did. "I'm gonna open this door, and you're going to see the outside, but nothing out there is going to hurt you. I promise you that I won't let anything hurt you."

His eyes strayed toward the door, but I gripped his hands tighter and his focus came back to me. "You are so brave, you know that? I can't believe how brave you are." I released one of his hands, but kept our eyes locked and kept talking to him, encouraging him as I reached behind me to open the door. The moment the door opened, he exhaled a trembling breath, but his eyes never strayed from mine. "Remember when I told you that I was in awe of you and your strength?" He nodded. "What you're doing, pushing yourself to do something that you're afraid to do, that's why I'm in awe of you. That's why I said you have a strength I've never seen before.

"The door is open so you can see outside, it's dark out there, but you're standing right here. God, Edward, I'm so proud of you." I took one tentative step toward him, which was all I needed to place myself directly in front of him, and stared up into his eyes. "I just need you to do one more thing. You've already done the hard part, okay? You're right here, but you have to take one more step forward with me, and then we can watch those beautiful fireworks I told you about together. It'll just be me and you." His fingers tightened around mine. "Trust me," I pleaded with my eyes and lips.

I took a step backward, taking the lead, and our eyes never wavered from one another's as he moved forward toward me. I situated us directly in front of the door just as a resounding boom hit the air. Edward startled at the sound, but I laughed to ease him, telling him it was just a firework, reminding him they could make loud noises.

I let go of his hands for the briefest second, scooting over to make more room for him, but he reached for me as I moved and pulled me against him, his arms wrapped around my shoulders while my back pressed against his chest.

"I… please just stay. I need you close." I didn't argue, partly because it's what he wanted and partly because it's what I wanted, too.

I reached up, curling my fingers around his forearms. "Don't be afraid," I whispered. "Just watch the beauty." Another boom rumbled the dark sky, followed by an overflow of multi-colored lights that brightened the night, dripping down in the shape of a willow.

One right after the other illuminated through the darkness, the burst of their explosions felt within our chests. I wasn't sure why, but I'd always liked that feeling, even as a kid. He never spoke, but his hold loosened a bit and his breathing evened. Sometime later as we stood there pressed together, my legs already tired from standing so long, he lowered his head, resting his chin against the top of my head and sighing in contentment.

"I already have," he breathed.

---

Você é tão macia = You're so soft